And away we go
Entry originally written at http://www.lovinglyworn.net. Comment here or comment there!
So now it’s a new year. It’s time for a new start. I’ve been very excited for this year to get underway! We’re expecting our little Lily in just a few months, we have a trip to Southern California planned, and I’m already counting down the days until Lily’s first Christmas. While 2008 ended with plenty of positive memories, the first half of the year was filled with unanticipated sadness and loss. It’s amazing how many months were nothing more than a blur due to the loss of our first child in April. It wasn’t until our trip to Arizona and Nevada in July that I started feeling human again…that I started realizing that I AM human and that I am going to have such missteps occur in my life (whether my fault or not). And to think I was pregnant with Lily at the time and didn’t know it!
We’re still dreadfully far behind on getting the house ready for Lily’s arrival, but I attribute that to some lingering resistance to this whole “this baby is really coming” thing. At times there are these tiny little nagging doubts - “Should we really paint the room NOW? What if I lose her?” and other similar ponderings. I worry that my husband has more of those thoughts than I do, because I am fortunate enough to feel her kicks and movements that she sends me as a lasting reminder that yes, she is there. But I think he’s handling it very well. Last night we spent about an hour watching TV, his hand on my belly the entire time. I insisted that he do that so that he wouldn’t miss a kick, and he felt plenty of them. It feels as though she has grown by leaps and bounds these past few weeks, and she is amazingly strong. She is able to get me to improve my posture with one little flick of the foot, which is both amazing and, I’ll admit, a little unsettling at first! Feeling a living, breathing being’s foot make contact with your RIBS…quite the feeling! I took yesterday off from work due to my need to get accustomed to this new phase in my pregnancy. I hadn’t slept well all week and Thursday night was the worst. I got about an hour of sleep total due to my inability to get comfortable and stay comfortable. Also, Lily’s activeness had been increasing each day and yesterday she completely tuckered me out without me doing a thing. She is a ravenous little one, too! She detests when my stomach growls. I’ve still been fortunate in that I’ve not had any real “cravings” per se, but the quantity of meals I must eat each day have increased and I typically can’t stay in bed much past 8 without my hunger getting unbearable, sparking stomach growlings, followed by displeased kicks from Lily. My stomach can be quite loud.
But, overall, I’ve been extremely fortunate in how this pregnancy has played out. My skin is still clear, my feet are still close to their original size, and I don’t have a stretch mark anywhere on me. I’ve made it this far without throwing up a single time, and I have only missed maybe 3 full days of work total (yesterday included). After hearing all of the horror stories, I can’t help but feel blessed.
I’ve also begun seeing my miscarriage in a new light. I now have an idea of what the contractions will feel like. My biggest fear about going through pregnancy itself was how I would handle the pain. I made it through it in April while under a tremendous amount of (negative) emotional stress and without any medical attention. If my husband hadn’t been there with me, I can only imagine how much worse it could have been. This time around my mindset will be completely different, I’ll have my whole family there with my wonderful husband, and I’ll have support from my doctor. Perhaps, in some strange way, my miscarriage was a blessing in disguise. I am eternally grateful that, if it had to happen, it happened before our baby could even be detected by an ultrasound because I swear I don’t know how I would have handled it had I lost Lily. Even after that first ultrasound at six weeks, where she was nothing more than a tiny spot with a flickering heartbeat, there was no doubt that she was the most important thing to me.
I’m ready!
So now it’s a new year. It’s time for a new start. I’ve been very excited for this year to get underway! We’re expecting our little Lily in just a few months, we have a trip to Southern California planned, and I’m already counting down the days until Lily’s first Christmas. While 2008 ended with plenty of positive memories, the first half of the year was filled with unanticipated sadness and loss. It’s amazing how many months were nothing more than a blur due to the loss of our first child in April. It wasn’t until our trip to Arizona and Nevada in July that I started feeling human again…that I started realizing that I AM human and that I am going to have such missteps occur in my life (whether my fault or not). And to think I was pregnant with Lily at the time and didn’t know it!
We’re still dreadfully far behind on getting the house ready for Lily’s arrival, but I attribute that to some lingering resistance to this whole “this baby is really coming” thing. At times there are these tiny little nagging doubts - “Should we really paint the room NOW? What if I lose her?” and other similar ponderings. I worry that my husband has more of those thoughts than I do, because I am fortunate enough to feel her kicks and movements that she sends me as a lasting reminder that yes, she is there. But I think he’s handling it very well. Last night we spent about an hour watching TV, his hand on my belly the entire time. I insisted that he do that so that he wouldn’t miss a kick, and he felt plenty of them. It feels as though she has grown by leaps and bounds these past few weeks, and she is amazingly strong. She is able to get me to improve my posture with one little flick of the foot, which is both amazing and, I’ll admit, a little unsettling at first! Feeling a living, breathing being’s foot make contact with your RIBS…quite the feeling! I took yesterday off from work due to my need to get accustomed to this new phase in my pregnancy. I hadn’t slept well all week and Thursday night was the worst. I got about an hour of sleep total due to my inability to get comfortable and stay comfortable. Also, Lily’s activeness had been increasing each day and yesterday she completely tuckered me out without me doing a thing. She is a ravenous little one, too! She detests when my stomach growls. I’ve still been fortunate in that I’ve not had any real “cravings” per se, but the quantity of meals I must eat each day have increased and I typically can’t stay in bed much past 8 without my hunger getting unbearable, sparking stomach growlings, followed by displeased kicks from Lily. My stomach can be quite loud.
But, overall, I’ve been extremely fortunate in how this pregnancy has played out. My skin is still clear, my feet are still close to their original size, and I don’t have a stretch mark anywhere on me. I’ve made it this far without throwing up a single time, and I have only missed maybe 3 full days of work total (yesterday included). After hearing all of the horror stories, I can’t help but feel blessed.
I’ve also begun seeing my miscarriage in a new light. I now have an idea of what the contractions will feel like. My biggest fear about going through pregnancy itself was how I would handle the pain. I made it through it in April while under a tremendous amount of (negative) emotional stress and without any medical attention. If my husband hadn’t been there with me, I can only imagine how much worse it could have been. This time around my mindset will be completely different, I’ll have my whole family there with my wonderful husband, and I’ll have support from my doctor. Perhaps, in some strange way, my miscarriage was a blessing in disguise. I am eternally grateful that, if it had to happen, it happened before our baby could even be detected by an ultrasound because I swear I don’t know how I would have handled it had I lost Lily. Even after that first ultrasound at six weeks, where she was nothing more than a tiny spot with a flickering heartbeat, there was no doubt that she was the most important thing to me.
I’m ready!