(no subject)
wow...my life makes no sense. it is great and horrible at the same time. relationship wise it is a mess. and i have no idea how to handle any of it. i keep having problems with ex's....ALL of them. and recently matt is included in that category. he act's way to posessive and moody sometimes. it makes me so angry. he gets upset when i spend time with jenah. she is and always will be number one over any boy i chance to date. if he has a problem understanding that he can get out of my life.i'm not some possession and refused to be treated like one. yes i care about him, and yes...as much as i hate to admit it sometimes, i love him, but love can only be so much, and when that love hurts you, it needs to be pushed aside. i learned that with nick...well...i'm trying to learn that anyway.i hate feelings. i wish i didn't have any. sometimes i think it would be better to be incapable of feeling,than to live a life full of feelings. it would hurt less. on a happier note, i have decided to be alone for a while. that doesn't sound like good news to some of you, but for those of you who know what my love life has been like for the past 3-4 years, it is amazing news. i am taking time for me, nad finding out who i am as a single person, not what part of a relationship i am. i aslo quit at red lobster. i just wanled out and left.......and i don't regret it a bit. i am so much happier to be away fom that place and to have time for the things that are important to me in life.and i have decided to do something about my low self esteem....i am going to get dressed up tomorrow night, and be goregous as hell.....hopefully it is hat i need to get my mind off my out of shape, ungroomed body!!!!!
i love you all.
i love you all.