way to start of summer vacation eh?
last night was a lot to handle.
i just don't know. (we talked about that too).
but i prayed for you in church today.
i cried for you there too.
it will be ok, love.
i have faith that God WILL take care of you and that he will take care of all of us.
ILY
:)
------------
i remember you asked me one time
"what would you do if i went to the navy?"
and i told you that i'd cry.
you asked why?
and i told you because you 'd just be another person leaving me here; that i have serious abandonment issues.
and you said "i don't know, i just wonder what life has in store for us."
i don't know how anyone else would take a response like that, but because i just don't do too well with awkward situations like that and really my mode of dealing with them is quite immature, i told you we're going to die, that's the only certain thing that will happen.
i know you don't care what i think even though you would probably say that you do. or maybe, you'll just go ahead and say that you don't care what i think, either way, lately i've been known to be the one who will say what i feel and well, this is how i honestly feel:
i think that ever since you left highschool, you were always thinking about going in to the navy, maybe even before. it was either because you had the feeling that things weren't working out and just in case you still at least had that one back up or because you still didn't know what you wanted to do in life so you were thinking of joining the military because it would give you that extra time you need to find yourself.
i think that going to college for you was a "try it out or bust" kind of thing.
it was almost as though since you were so overwhelmed with the "i don't know what i'm going to do with my life" attitude, you didn't even try. it was just let's see how it is without the intention at all of staying there.
the main thing is, YOU DIDN'T TRY.
and not surprisingly at all, you ended up opting for the navy.
like i said, biiiiig surprise.
i don't know. there had been times when you would be that person that would be like "you can get through this," "it'll be ok, it's ok," "i believe in you" to me.
and i guess in some ways i believed you, and even if i told you no, i can't, i at least tried thinking that maybe, because you at least believed i could, i could do whatever it was you believed i could do. i'd be hard about it and make a fuss, but i tried, put in a little bit of effort, for the most part.
so when i told you to try, why didn't you?
when i tried to help you, why did you make it so much harder?
i remember another time when you told me that you wanted to get through college so that you could make your father proud.
now you're not even talking to him, apparently.
what's up with that?
i really don't want to be the condescending one, i'm just saying.
i know we're not friends. in fact i will say that i hate(d) you.
but i found myself thinking last night, i really do still miss you.
i've told you that before.
but before you leave, i really would like it if you'd call me so that i can at least see you and say goodbye.
then again, you're not going to read this.
i just don't know. (we talked about that too).
but i prayed for you in church today.
i cried for you there too.
it will be ok, love.
i have faith that God WILL take care of you and that he will take care of all of us.
ILY
:)
------------
i remember you asked me one time
"what would you do if i went to the navy?"
and i told you that i'd cry.
you asked why?
and i told you because you 'd just be another person leaving me here; that i have serious abandonment issues.
and you said "i don't know, i just wonder what life has in store for us."
i don't know how anyone else would take a response like that, but because i just don't do too well with awkward situations like that and really my mode of dealing with them is quite immature, i told you we're going to die, that's the only certain thing that will happen.
i know you don't care what i think even though you would probably say that you do. or maybe, you'll just go ahead and say that you don't care what i think, either way, lately i've been known to be the one who will say what i feel and well, this is how i honestly feel:
i think that ever since you left highschool, you were always thinking about going in to the navy, maybe even before. it was either because you had the feeling that things weren't working out and just in case you still at least had that one back up or because you still didn't know what you wanted to do in life so you were thinking of joining the military because it would give you that extra time you need to find yourself.
i think that going to college for you was a "try it out or bust" kind of thing.
it was almost as though since you were so overwhelmed with the "i don't know what i'm going to do with my life" attitude, you didn't even try. it was just let's see how it is without the intention at all of staying there.
the main thing is, YOU DIDN'T TRY.
and not surprisingly at all, you ended up opting for the navy.
like i said, biiiiig surprise.
i don't know. there had been times when you would be that person that would be like "you can get through this," "it'll be ok, it's ok," "i believe in you" to me.
and i guess in some ways i believed you, and even if i told you no, i can't, i at least tried thinking that maybe, because you at least believed i could, i could do whatever it was you believed i could do. i'd be hard about it and make a fuss, but i tried, put in a little bit of effort, for the most part.
so when i told you to try, why didn't you?
when i tried to help you, why did you make it so much harder?
i remember another time when you told me that you wanted to get through college so that you could make your father proud.
now you're not even talking to him, apparently.
what's up with that?
i really don't want to be the condescending one, i'm just saying.
i know we're not friends. in fact i will say that i hate(d) you.
but i found myself thinking last night, i really do still miss you.
i've told you that before.
but before you leave, i really would like it if you'd call me so that i can at least see you and say goodbye.
then again, you're not going to read this.