Thank God for Energy Drinks Consumed at 11PM
I started to write a shit load today after I got off work, I was inspired by a post work walk to the 7/11 to get a slurpie, and came home to check out my myspace and recieved a message from Matt in Belgium. Belgium sounds like paradise, he has a place to live and work and he gets half off at the bar. He doesn't have a care in the world other then making himself happy.
The fact that he is out following his dream made me feel like I had to get a move on mine. I need to travel and write and be free, but at this point it doesn't seem like I am going to be able to do too much traveling. The fact that I have a stable realationship that I am not willing to just pick up and leave means that I can't stray too far from home, unless I can get her to go with me. I know that if I left for too long she'd realize that she deserves alot more then what I have to offer and I might not have her to come home to.
I read Kerouac and it's like someone is just poking at me to get out there and do something. To go see all that crazy shit that I have never seen and meet all those people that I wouldn't meet if I stayed here. I want to ramble and it makes me uneasy. Leaving this town means leaving this life behind. There is no way to fully understand the idea of freedom when you have responsibilities like family and love and close friends. The physical distance should have nothing to do with the bonds I have formed with all the people in my life, but the fear of losing all I have ever known shakes me up. The pioneers of this world were all stronger men then I.
This place is such a part of me that leaving seems like leaving who I am, but in all reality I have never been my biggest fan or the biggest fan of this place, so why should that mean much to me. I could completely all my mistakes, but then again I'd only make more. I can debate like this with myself for hours, until those hours become days and those days become weeks and so on and so forth. I have been talking about leaving for years, but there was always some kind of restraint. Some kind of feeling of guilt for wanting to do anything that suits my fancy.
Maybe I can turn the idea of moving somewhere completely off the realistic map into an exciting idea for her, instead of just letting this place turn into the rest of my life. I'll be an 85 year old pizza MAN, working for whatever crude amount minimum wage is at at that time while my abusive children steal my TV and use it to buy whatever kind of cheap white trash drug is popular at that time.
I need her in my life, but I need my life to keep moving at the same time. Let's see what we can make of this all.
Analyzing your life and writing it out for the world to see is one of the stupidest things our generation has found a fascination with. I know I feel like an idiot when I do it, but yet I still do it. Not so much for other people to read, but to have it in a place that I can't just immediately crumple it up and throw it away like I have done with 90% of the important documents I have written or recieved in my life. I guess in reality this would be even easier to destroy, but for some reason I know I wont.
Maybe I'm just letting the idea of aproaching adulthood and serious adult ideas freak me out. Who know's? Do you, because if you do tell me? If you make it this far into what I'm writing let me know, I'm fairly sure this has surpassed any lenghth that I would give my attention for most people. Anyways I am done with all this, I just had to vent about the way I feel at the moment. Weather or not it is how I will feel in the morning or not is uncertain, and if it is, weather or not I will do anything about it is just as unknown.
Drink, Laugh, Live, and Learn until people can say "Holy shit, that man was an animal, but he was a genius." That's the way I want to go down.
The fact that he is out following his dream made me feel like I had to get a move on mine. I need to travel and write and be free, but at this point it doesn't seem like I am going to be able to do too much traveling. The fact that I have a stable realationship that I am not willing to just pick up and leave means that I can't stray too far from home, unless I can get her to go with me. I know that if I left for too long she'd realize that she deserves alot more then what I have to offer and I might not have her to come home to.
I read Kerouac and it's like someone is just poking at me to get out there and do something. To go see all that crazy shit that I have never seen and meet all those people that I wouldn't meet if I stayed here. I want to ramble and it makes me uneasy. Leaving this town means leaving this life behind. There is no way to fully understand the idea of freedom when you have responsibilities like family and love and close friends. The physical distance should have nothing to do with the bonds I have formed with all the people in my life, but the fear of losing all I have ever known shakes me up. The pioneers of this world were all stronger men then I.
This place is such a part of me that leaving seems like leaving who I am, but in all reality I have never been my biggest fan or the biggest fan of this place, so why should that mean much to me. I could completely all my mistakes, but then again I'd only make more. I can debate like this with myself for hours, until those hours become days and those days become weeks and so on and so forth. I have been talking about leaving for years, but there was always some kind of restraint. Some kind of feeling of guilt for wanting to do anything that suits my fancy.
Maybe I can turn the idea of moving somewhere completely off the realistic map into an exciting idea for her, instead of just letting this place turn into the rest of my life. I'll be an 85 year old pizza MAN, working for whatever crude amount minimum wage is at at that time while my abusive children steal my TV and use it to buy whatever kind of cheap white trash drug is popular at that time.
I need her in my life, but I need my life to keep moving at the same time. Let's see what we can make of this all.
Analyzing your life and writing it out for the world to see is one of the stupidest things our generation has found a fascination with. I know I feel like an idiot when I do it, but yet I still do it. Not so much for other people to read, but to have it in a place that I can't just immediately crumple it up and throw it away like I have done with 90% of the important documents I have written or recieved in my life. I guess in reality this would be even easier to destroy, but for some reason I know I wont.
Maybe I'm just letting the idea of aproaching adulthood and serious adult ideas freak me out. Who know's? Do you, because if you do tell me? If you make it this far into what I'm writing let me know, I'm fairly sure this has surpassed any lenghth that I would give my attention for most people. Anyways I am done with all this, I just had to vent about the way I feel at the moment. Weather or not it is how I will feel in the morning or not is uncertain, and if it is, weather or not I will do anything about it is just as unknown.
Drink, Laugh, Live, and Learn until people can say "Holy shit, that man was an animal, but he was a genius." That's the way I want to go down.