(no subject)
[HELLO THERE AGAIN, boys and girls of Mayfield. Your happy-go-lucky Home Ec teacher is back, but she's not smiling quite as cheerfully today, oh no. Instead she's glaring at all of you silently for a full minute straight before speaking in a very low, very angry voice.]
It appears that the consequences for ignoring this insipid class are more dire than we had originally anticipated. If that is the case, we will acquiesce. If we are going to be made to... teach... then we will do so on our own terms.
According to the lesson plan notes that we wrote while we were... indisposed, today we will be teaching you all the proper method of removing stains from carpet. Pay close attention to our limitless wisdom, and perhaps you will glean some enlightenment.
Before examining the methodology of removing a stain, we must consider why we wish it removed. A stain upon the carpet, our notes tell us, "leaves a bad impression upon visitors and is the sign of a poorly-maintained household. What will the neighbors think!"
We posit that it does not matter in any way what the neighbors think, for they, like you, are mortal creatures, doomed to wither and die within mere decades. Whatever "impression" you leave upon them is merely fleeting; no mortal creature leaves any impression of any lasting significance upon the cosmos.
Seen in this light, house cleaning is an exercise in futility. Why create, why maintain, when it is all doomed to be destroyed in the end? Your mortal lives are as swiftly ended as they are devoid of meaning. You have no hope that will not be crushed, no joy that will not end, no life that will not be torn from you.
Only eternal despair within the all-encompassing embrace of the Void awaits you all.
That said, the proper method of removing a stain from white carpet appears to be "liberal application of club soda and vinegar". How utterly trivial. Let us turn to page 53 to discover the proper method of applying said materials to said carpet.
It appears that the consequences for ignoring this insipid class are more dire than we had originally anticipated. If that is the case, we will acquiesce. If we are going to be made to... teach... then we will do so on our own terms.
According to the lesson plan notes that we wrote while we were... indisposed, today we will be teaching you all the proper method of removing stains from carpet. Pay close attention to our limitless wisdom, and perhaps you will glean some enlightenment.
Before examining the methodology of removing a stain, we must consider why we wish it removed. A stain upon the carpet, our notes tell us, "leaves a bad impression upon visitors and is the sign of a poorly-maintained household. What will the neighbors think!"
We posit that it does not matter in any way what the neighbors think, for they, like you, are mortal creatures, doomed to wither and die within mere decades. Whatever "impression" you leave upon them is merely fleeting; no mortal creature leaves any impression of any lasting significance upon the cosmos.
Seen in this light, house cleaning is an exercise in futility. Why create, why maintain, when it is all doomed to be destroyed in the end? Your mortal lives are as swiftly ended as they are devoid of meaning. You have no hope that will not be crushed, no joy that will not end, no life that will not be torn from you.
Only eternal despair within the all-encompassing embrace of the Void awaits you all.
That said, the proper method of removing a stain from white carpet appears to be "liberal application of club soda and vinegar". How utterly trivial. Let us turn to page 53 to discover the proper method of applying said materials to said carpet.