Starting over.
It's July 4th, 2007. Around this time six years ago was when I started my previous livejournal account.
I don't like how negative my old journal had become, and how I never really wrote about anything beside what was bothering me at that point in time. It was all insignificant, petty things that I don't particularly want to look back and remember, so I don't know what I was thinking, updating about them at all.
I am not very happy with my current situation.. and I plan to keep this journal to track the ups or downs from this point on.
I live at home. While this isn't as bad as it could be, I feel very suffocated and restless here. My room makes me feel anxious, and it is not my 'space.' In actuality, I don't feel like I have a space at all. It is bright pink, and has a tacky wallpaper on the top that borders it. I did not choose it. I would have never chosen it.
My mother and I have a rocky relationship. I don't know if we get along or not. If we hate each other or love each other. I know for a fact though that we do not agree on much, and we perceive life differently, but unfortunately a lot of her negativity influences me to be just as negative.
My dad and I get along as well as we ever have, but I know he gets disappointed with me a lot. I should have had more money saved before I invested in a new car. It was selfish of me to want that car so badly and to make a promise I couldn't keep about being able to pay for it every month. I have made a few payments but he has helped me out on a few, as well. I want to change that about myself...
I have lived in this town all of my life. I have traveled a bit (a little, tiny bit) and know that this is not the place for me. I am not satisfied with myself here-- not with my body, my mind, my house, the people I know (DEFINITELY not) and pretty much every aspect I can think of.
I love going new places and meeting new people, but I don't like getting close to anyone because something bad always happens. I like people the most when I first meet them; when I don't have time to find their flaws and they don't have time to find mine. Unfortunately, because of that, I get stood up a lot by people I don't know, and I've become incredibly lonely, to the point where I get so restless and anxious if someone does not answer a text message of mine, or a phone call. Maybe I brought that on myself, but I don't like it, and i'd rather run from my problems and start new relationships than try to mend ones or force ones here.
I have one constant one, though-- I have Kristopher, and though we fight and get sick to death each other sometimes, I assume that happens when you are this close with someone. I have never met someone like him.. and I know I never will again.
In nine days I am going to AllGood with him, and hopefully it will temporarily cure my craving for something new. Though we went last year, it should be an entirely new experience-- now that we know what to do with ourselves. We'll come back dirtier and more burnt out than ever, but hopefully it's worth it.
Aaah, I haven't written an entry like this in forever. Feels goooood.
I don't like how negative my old journal had become, and how I never really wrote about anything beside what was bothering me at that point in time. It was all insignificant, petty things that I don't particularly want to look back and remember, so I don't know what I was thinking, updating about them at all.
I am not very happy with my current situation.. and I plan to keep this journal to track the ups or downs from this point on.
I live at home. While this isn't as bad as it could be, I feel very suffocated and restless here. My room makes me feel anxious, and it is not my 'space.' In actuality, I don't feel like I have a space at all. It is bright pink, and has a tacky wallpaper on the top that borders it. I did not choose it. I would have never chosen it.
My mother and I have a rocky relationship. I don't know if we get along or not. If we hate each other or love each other. I know for a fact though that we do not agree on much, and we perceive life differently, but unfortunately a lot of her negativity influences me to be just as negative.
My dad and I get along as well as we ever have, but I know he gets disappointed with me a lot. I should have had more money saved before I invested in a new car. It was selfish of me to want that car so badly and to make a promise I couldn't keep about being able to pay for it every month. I have made a few payments but he has helped me out on a few, as well. I want to change that about myself...
I have lived in this town all of my life. I have traveled a bit (a little, tiny bit) and know that this is not the place for me. I am not satisfied with myself here-- not with my body, my mind, my house, the people I know (DEFINITELY not) and pretty much every aspect I can think of.
I love going new places and meeting new people, but I don't like getting close to anyone because something bad always happens. I like people the most when I first meet them; when I don't have time to find their flaws and they don't have time to find mine. Unfortunately, because of that, I get stood up a lot by people I don't know, and I've become incredibly lonely, to the point where I get so restless and anxious if someone does not answer a text message of mine, or a phone call. Maybe I brought that on myself, but I don't like it, and i'd rather run from my problems and start new relationships than try to mend ones or force ones here.
I have one constant one, though-- I have Kristopher, and though we fight and get sick to death each other sometimes, I assume that happens when you are this close with someone. I have never met someone like him.. and I know I never will again.
In nine days I am going to AllGood with him, and hopefully it will temporarily cure my craving for something new. Though we went last year, it should be an entirely new experience-- now that we know what to do with ourselves. We'll come back dirtier and more burnt out than ever, but hopefully it's worth it.
Aaah, I haven't written an entry like this in forever. Feels goooood.