Long Distance and Children?
I've been a member of this community in the past, although only about 2 our of 12 years of our relationship have been long distance. My husband and I were long distance between when he graduated from college and when I did. We were long distance again for a little over a year around a year ago while I worked a job in another state. I was able to come home every weekend, which I know is really quite good, but it was still tough.
When I left that job, I went to work at my husband's company. There's a long story there, but the short version is that it's just killing us as a couple. We love being together a lot, and we love working together, but we are both software developers with similar levels of skill, but they have me answering the phone and doing customer support instead of development, and it is just killing me. I feel like my skills are languishing in this role. I'm so frustrated with how the company is treating me, and especially the way that my husband's team is not sharing the interesting work that is going on with me. I'm angry at him for begging me to take the job here and not doing more when the job turned out (after I started) to be so far below my skill level, and jealous of him all the time, and it is driving us apart. My work is really important to me and I really enjoyed it when I was doing development. I'm looking into going back to my old job, even though it will mean going out of town every week again. Being long distance was rough, but it wasn't as rough as what we are dealing with right now. If I go this route, it would likely be a choice not to see each other during the week for a long time--there aren't a lot of employers in our city for what we do and it could be ages before I find an opening locally.
The thing is, we've been married 8 years, I'm 31 years old, and we're at the point in our lives where we want to be having children. My husband especially is getting tired of waiting for me to be ready to have a baby, and is concerned about declining fertility. I don't think we'd relocate. Our friends are here, my family is here, our house is here, my husband's job is here. So if we did manage to get pregnant, I'd potentially be spending a lot of time long distance from the baby as well. Anyone here do this? How nuts am I for considering this?
When I left that job, I went to work at my husband's company. There's a long story there, but the short version is that it's just killing us as a couple. We love being together a lot, and we love working together, but we are both software developers with similar levels of skill, but they have me answering the phone and doing customer support instead of development, and it is just killing me. I feel like my skills are languishing in this role. I'm so frustrated with how the company is treating me, and especially the way that my husband's team is not sharing the interesting work that is going on with me. I'm angry at him for begging me to take the job here and not doing more when the job turned out (after I started) to be so far below my skill level, and jealous of him all the time, and it is driving us apart. My work is really important to me and I really enjoyed it when I was doing development. I'm looking into going back to my old job, even though it will mean going out of town every week again. Being long distance was rough, but it wasn't as rough as what we are dealing with right now. If I go this route, it would likely be a choice not to see each other during the week for a long time--there aren't a lot of employers in our city for what we do and it could be ages before I find an opening locally.
The thing is, we've been married 8 years, I'm 31 years old, and we're at the point in our lives where we want to be having children. My husband especially is getting tired of waiting for me to be ready to have a baby, and is concerned about declining fertility. I don't think we'd relocate. Our friends are here, my family is here, our house is here, my husband's job is here. So if we did manage to get pregnant, I'd potentially be spending a lot of time long distance from the baby as well. Anyone here do this? How nuts am I for considering this?