Interlude:
So.
All those pictures I've been posting of the apartment? All the work I've been doing on turning it into a home, and how proud and happy and content I've been feeling?
We're moving in with INB's parents. Immediately.
I don't want to go into the reasons why. They make a lot of sense and they're beneficial for everyone and I don't blame anyone for them. But I'm devastated. This all happened really quickly; the conversation first came up about twelve hours ago, and was decided for real about four hours ago. I've barely slept since waking up yesterday.
I felt sad and angry and frustrated and helpless. I cried harder than I can ever remember crying about something that wasn't related to missing my mom. I don't think I even cried like that when she died. But I'd been expecting her death for about a year and a half, and I was just so fucking numb. Of course I'm not more upset about this than about that. But this was just so sudden, and it came right when I was feeling so good about the space we'd been creating for ourselves (the space I had been creating for us). And after thinking about it, I realized that living on my own, in a space that's really mine, not having to depend on anyone else for anything, is the longest-running dream I have ever had. And I finally had that and got to feel how amazing it was, and it lasted... a month? Maybe a little more? And now within the next two weeks, it'll all be gone.
All our shit -- my Arashi silverware, our beautiful dishes, our cutie-pie dining area, our little coffee station, the shelves we put up yesterday so I could display my Sailor Moon goodies, all of it -- is going into storage. We're going to take over INB's mom's room. I feel like I'm going all the way backwards. It's not even my own place with roommates, or my own room in a place occupied by other people, or my own room in the house I grew up in. It's someone else's room in a house where I still feel like a fucking intruder half the time.
Not to mention: goodbye to living in a super convenient part of town where everything I need, including groceries and work, is within easy walking distance. Now I'll need to walk half a mile and sit on a bus for an hour just to get to work.
Not to mention: GOODBYE TO HAVING SEX.
Me: You're never getting a BJ ever again.
INB: That's fair.
Like I said, I understand why it has to be done. But that doesn't keep me from being really fucking upset about it. Here is a list of all the things keeping me happy right now:
→ phrenk and the incredible Arashi magazine scans she is sharing with me
→ Hadashi no Mirai
→ puppies
→ fqfest posting starts on Sunday
→ it's Jun month which means Tumblr will be a treasure trove for the next thirty days
The end.
Crossposted here on Dreamwidth. You can comment there anonymously or using OpenID. ♥
All those pictures I've been posting of the apartment? All the work I've been doing on turning it into a home, and how proud and happy and content I've been feeling?
We're moving in with INB's parents. Immediately.
I don't want to go into the reasons why. They make a lot of sense and they're beneficial for everyone and I don't blame anyone for them. But I'm devastated. This all happened really quickly; the conversation first came up about twelve hours ago, and was decided for real about four hours ago. I've barely slept since waking up yesterday.
I felt sad and angry and frustrated and helpless. I cried harder than I can ever remember crying about something that wasn't related to missing my mom. I don't think I even cried like that when she died. But I'd been expecting her death for about a year and a half, and I was just so fucking numb. Of course I'm not more upset about this than about that. But this was just so sudden, and it came right when I was feeling so good about the space we'd been creating for ourselves (the space I had been creating for us). And after thinking about it, I realized that living on my own, in a space that's really mine, not having to depend on anyone else for anything, is the longest-running dream I have ever had. And I finally had that and got to feel how amazing it was, and it lasted... a month? Maybe a little more? And now within the next two weeks, it'll all be gone.
All our shit -- my Arashi silverware, our beautiful dishes, our cutie-pie dining area, our little coffee station, the shelves we put up yesterday so I could display my Sailor Moon goodies, all of it -- is going into storage. We're going to take over INB's mom's room. I feel like I'm going all the way backwards. It's not even my own place with roommates, or my own room in a place occupied by other people, or my own room in the house I grew up in. It's someone else's room in a house where I still feel like a fucking intruder half the time.
Not to mention: goodbye to living in a super convenient part of town where everything I need, including groceries and work, is within easy walking distance. Now I'll need to walk half a mile and sit on a bus for an hour just to get to work.
Not to mention: GOODBYE TO HAVING SEX.
Me: You're never getting a BJ ever again.
INB: That's fair.
Like I said, I understand why it has to be done. But that doesn't keep me from being really fucking upset about it. Here is a list of all the things keeping me happy right now:
→ phrenk and the incredible Arashi magazine scans she is sharing with me
→ Hadashi no Mirai
→ puppies
→ fqfest posting starts on Sunday
→ it's Jun month which means Tumblr will be a treasure trove for the next thirty days
The end.
Crossposted here on Dreamwidth. You can comment there anonymously or using OpenID. ♥