Doesn’t Matter What You Think
Work is work and life is life and sometimes the two intersect. Especially when you have a job that you do from home that is outside of your normal job and sometimes feels like fun (but sometimes doesn’t.) It’s weird to be friends with your co-workers and get invited to parties and thusly have to remember who you have to invite to parties. I had my birthday party last weekend and had to consider who all I “owed” an invite to. I’m just not used to getting along with everyone that well. My one co-worker made me a cake in the shape of a giant Nissan logo. If I remember when I get home I’ll put a picture of it up.
I got my little fishy here at work a little friend. My fish is Nismo, and he’s a betta fish, so as you can imagine he can’t have a great many friends, so I got him a plecostomus. Bettas can get along with plecostomus (plecostomi?) because they’re suckers not really active or attacky. So they’re doing well together but I haven’t name the new fish yet. Trying to come up with a good Nissan related name so he fits in with Nismo. Yes, I’m a weirdo. I also got him a 2 gallon tank. I figure the pleco should last about 6 months to a year in the small tank and then I’ll have to figure if I’ll take him home and make him a larger tank or what. Plecos can get up to 2 feet in length and I don’t want to stunt his growth by keeping him in a little tank for too long. I really want to start a good sized tank at home, but right now isn’t a good time. Maybe I’ll just start with the pleco … good ol’ what’s-his-name.
I figured I’ll write about the weird and vivid dreams I’ve been having recently! I think perhaps they’re rooted in some weird deep subconscious fears because one of them happened over two weeks ago and it’s still stuck in the brain. The other one I’ll tell you about just happened last night.
First one I’ll tell you about is the “couple weeks ago” dream. I believe it was shortly after the election, actually, which yes, has stressed me out a lot. Speaking of, I got accepted for CNM for January (spring session) so I’ll be starting out taking a few classes. I’m not as excited as I’d expected although I am somewhat excited. I’m not going to talk about what I’ll be majoring in for now. I don’t feel like discussing it. Maybe another day.
Anyway. Without further ado, here’s my “couple weeks ago” dream.
I can’t remember how it started out, but it featured Brian and me at a grocery store. There had been loads of rain, and for some reason the store’s parking lot was dirt, so it was really muddy and puddly. There was a family of Hispanic folks right outside when we came out, and we were on rollerblades. The woman/mother from the family approached us with a stack of brochures, and tried to give me one while Brian took the groceries to the car, or wherever. I was sitting on a stucco wall outside the store. I looked at the stack of brochures and realized they were Obama brochures, along the lines of the “Change” poster with the multi-colored Obama head and they also had the weird Pepsi-like emblem that Obama campaign used this year.
I told her “no thank you, I am really not a fan of Obama and I’m very disappointed he got elected.” She told me frankly “well, that’s because you’re a racist!” I said “oh, no! You don’t understand. It’s not about race, it never was, and it never should have been in the media. It’s just that I don’t agree with his policies and I think he’s going to bring terrible pain to this country.” She said “of course you would say that! All of the racists say that they just don’t like his policies because they don’t want to just say they don’t like him ‘cause he’s black.” I really freaked out and started trying to explain that it really isn’t about race for me, if there’d been a good candidate who was of any race whose politics I agreed with I’d happily vote for them, and I started to feel really uncomfortable that she just kept telling me I was racist.
I woke up shortly there after, there was some weird thing about Brian and I playing with the little Hispanic boy in the muddy parking lot in our rollerblades and I kept getting stuck and all sorts of craziness. Not bad, just weird.
I started really wondering if I’m suffering some sort of subconscious worry that because I don’t like Obama’s politics people will think I am racist. Probably that’s rattling around in my pea brain right about now, and definitely then… because I definitely am not racist, it’s a concern of mine to be thought about that way. Weird.
So, let’s see. Dream number two that was very weird and vivid was last night. In my dream, my co-worker (formerly my boss) and I were talking and she told me I needed a new lip color. I remembered a color that I’d loved in high school, and it was from Origins. I went to the Origins store and was looking around for the color, and found another color that I really loved. I decided to buy it, and found a clerk to buy it from. I ended up just deciding to steal it because I haven’t stolen anything in over a decade.
I go and am talking to my co-worker, and telling her that I stole the lip color pretty much just because. She kind of thought it was weird but sort of just blah about it. We decided to go check out another store, and I wanted to buy something. I went to the cashier, and presented my debit card. She ran it, and told me it declined. I said “no, it just pulls the money automatically from my savings account if I don’t have enough in checking… and I KNOW there’s enough in savings to cover this.” She told me no, it was definitely declined, and she showed me my online bank statement (dreams are so weird, how would a store clerk have my bank statement?) The statement showed five purchases of furniture items ranging from $300-$3,000 that day, so my bank balance would be in the negative by the time the charges that I’d made went through on it. I hesitated for a moment, and then started trying to explain that I didn’t buy the furniture items. I explained that someone must have taken my card number and been using it to buy stuff that day.
I called the bank and explained it to them, and they said they’d look into it but probably that I’d have to do most of the investigating. I was then trying to explain the circumstance to family and friends, only I kept just telling everyone that my identity had been stolen. I went to my car only to find everything was different inside of it and there was a bottle of Quaker State oil on the ground by it. I poured out the remaining oil to figure out if it had been in the possession of whoever had messed with my Maxima and then I told my friend who was with me that I’d now have to have all of the oil changed out and tested to find out if it was Quaker State because that stuff is terrible for cars. (It is in real life, too. It’s full of wax and fillers and other bits that gunk your engine up.) Everyone kept telling me that it usually takes months for the money to get back into the account in cases of identity theft. I had managed to obtain one of the credit slips to try and figure out who signed for the card, but all it was signed with was “here.” I was in the process of trying to figure out if the bank would help me or not when I woke up this morning.
I can’t really figure out if this dream was a politically motivated one as well. I was especially interested in the frustration from the credit slip saying “here” as BO has voted “present” in many of his senate decisions instead of voting one way or another and that flip flopper mentality scares me a lot. I’m wondering if it’s a subconscious manifestation of the fear that the government is going to take my money away and give it to others, who will end up having nicer stuff than I do even though they haven’t worked for the money. Because… I am afraid of that. I’m happy to give money away to charity and I’m happy to share with friends, but that is MY choice not Big Government doing it for me through taxes, welfare, food stamps, etc.
Anyway. That’s the story of my weirdo dreams there are more but I’m sure they’d bore everyone to death more so than these did.
I did something really nice for our friend and it made me deeply, personally happy. She’s having a rough time monetarily (she’s got 3 kids and is a single mom due to circumstances beyond her control, the single mother part not the kids part) and she was worried about Christmas for her oldest son. He wants stuff that’s pretty expensive and he’s at the age where brands start to matter. I told her maybe I could help her out, so she came over and we got online and figured out some better options for getting her kiddo the gifts. I loaned her a little money and she was so happy she cried. It’s good to do nice things for people; it makes them feel good AND makes you feel good too, although every now and then when I do something for someone I wonder if I’m trying to make up for my past in some way. I’m a good person. I just didn’t necessarily used to be. And no, I’m not posting this here for a pat on the back, I’m posting it here to call to mind those memories in the years to come.
I got my little fishy here at work a little friend. My fish is Nismo, and he’s a betta fish, so as you can imagine he can’t have a great many friends, so I got him a plecostomus. Bettas can get along with plecostomus (plecostomi?) because they’re suckers not really active or attacky. So they’re doing well together but I haven’t name the new fish yet. Trying to come up with a good Nissan related name so he fits in with Nismo. Yes, I’m a weirdo. I also got him a 2 gallon tank. I figure the pleco should last about 6 months to a year in the small tank and then I’ll have to figure if I’ll take him home and make him a larger tank or what. Plecos can get up to 2 feet in length and I don’t want to stunt his growth by keeping him in a little tank for too long. I really want to start a good sized tank at home, but right now isn’t a good time. Maybe I’ll just start with the pleco … good ol’ what’s-his-name.
I figured I’ll write about the weird and vivid dreams I’ve been having recently! I think perhaps they’re rooted in some weird deep subconscious fears because one of them happened over two weeks ago and it’s still stuck in the brain. The other one I’ll tell you about just happened last night.
First one I’ll tell you about is the “couple weeks ago” dream. I believe it was shortly after the election, actually, which yes, has stressed me out a lot. Speaking of, I got accepted for CNM for January (spring session) so I’ll be starting out taking a few classes. I’m not as excited as I’d expected although I am somewhat excited. I’m not going to talk about what I’ll be majoring in for now. I don’t feel like discussing it. Maybe another day.
Anyway. Without further ado, here’s my “couple weeks ago” dream.
I can’t remember how it started out, but it featured Brian and me at a grocery store. There had been loads of rain, and for some reason the store’s parking lot was dirt, so it was really muddy and puddly. There was a family of Hispanic folks right outside when we came out, and we were on rollerblades. The woman/mother from the family approached us with a stack of brochures, and tried to give me one while Brian took the groceries to the car, or wherever. I was sitting on a stucco wall outside the store. I looked at the stack of brochures and realized they were Obama brochures, along the lines of the “Change” poster with the multi-colored Obama head and they also had the weird Pepsi-like emblem that Obama campaign used this year.
I told her “no thank you, I am really not a fan of Obama and I’m very disappointed he got elected.” She told me frankly “well, that’s because you’re a racist!” I said “oh, no! You don’t understand. It’s not about race, it never was, and it never should have been in the media. It’s just that I don’t agree with his policies and I think he’s going to bring terrible pain to this country.” She said “of course you would say that! All of the racists say that they just don’t like his policies because they don’t want to just say they don’t like him ‘cause he’s black.” I really freaked out and started trying to explain that it really isn’t about race for me, if there’d been a good candidate who was of any race whose politics I agreed with I’d happily vote for them, and I started to feel really uncomfortable that she just kept telling me I was racist.
I woke up shortly there after, there was some weird thing about Brian and I playing with the little Hispanic boy in the muddy parking lot in our rollerblades and I kept getting stuck and all sorts of craziness. Not bad, just weird.
I started really wondering if I’m suffering some sort of subconscious worry that because I don’t like Obama’s politics people will think I am racist. Probably that’s rattling around in my pea brain right about now, and definitely then… because I definitely am not racist, it’s a concern of mine to be thought about that way. Weird.
So, let’s see. Dream number two that was very weird and vivid was last night. In my dream, my co-worker (formerly my boss) and I were talking and she told me I needed a new lip color. I remembered a color that I’d loved in high school, and it was from Origins. I went to the Origins store and was looking around for the color, and found another color that I really loved. I decided to buy it, and found a clerk to buy it from. I ended up just deciding to steal it because I haven’t stolen anything in over a decade.
I go and am talking to my co-worker, and telling her that I stole the lip color pretty much just because. She kind of thought it was weird but sort of just blah about it. We decided to go check out another store, and I wanted to buy something. I went to the cashier, and presented my debit card. She ran it, and told me it declined. I said “no, it just pulls the money automatically from my savings account if I don’t have enough in checking… and I KNOW there’s enough in savings to cover this.” She told me no, it was definitely declined, and she showed me my online bank statement (dreams are so weird, how would a store clerk have my bank statement?) The statement showed five purchases of furniture items ranging from $300-$3,000 that day, so my bank balance would be in the negative by the time the charges that I’d made went through on it. I hesitated for a moment, and then started trying to explain that I didn’t buy the furniture items. I explained that someone must have taken my card number and been using it to buy stuff that day.
I called the bank and explained it to them, and they said they’d look into it but probably that I’d have to do most of the investigating. I was then trying to explain the circumstance to family and friends, only I kept just telling everyone that my identity had been stolen. I went to my car only to find everything was different inside of it and there was a bottle of Quaker State oil on the ground by it. I poured out the remaining oil to figure out if it had been in the possession of whoever had messed with my Maxima and then I told my friend who was with me that I’d now have to have all of the oil changed out and tested to find out if it was Quaker State because that stuff is terrible for cars. (It is in real life, too. It’s full of wax and fillers and other bits that gunk your engine up.) Everyone kept telling me that it usually takes months for the money to get back into the account in cases of identity theft. I had managed to obtain one of the credit slips to try and figure out who signed for the card, but all it was signed with was “here.” I was in the process of trying to figure out if the bank would help me or not when I woke up this morning.
I can’t really figure out if this dream was a politically motivated one as well. I was especially interested in the frustration from the credit slip saying “here” as BO has voted “present” in many of his senate decisions instead of voting one way or another and that flip flopper mentality scares me a lot. I’m wondering if it’s a subconscious manifestation of the fear that the government is going to take my money away and give it to others, who will end up having nicer stuff than I do even though they haven’t worked for the money. Because… I am afraid of that. I’m happy to give money away to charity and I’m happy to share with friends, but that is MY choice not Big Government doing it for me through taxes, welfare, food stamps, etc.
Anyway. That’s the story of my weirdo dreams there are more but I’m sure they’d bore everyone to death more so than these did.
I did something really nice for our friend and it made me deeply, personally happy. She’s having a rough time monetarily (she’s got 3 kids and is a single mom due to circumstances beyond her control, the single mother part not the kids part) and she was worried about Christmas for her oldest son. He wants stuff that’s pretty expensive and he’s at the age where brands start to matter. I told her maybe I could help her out, so she came over and we got online and figured out some better options for getting her kiddo the gifts. I loaned her a little money and she was so happy she cried. It’s good to do nice things for people; it makes them feel good AND makes you feel good too, although every now and then when I do something for someone I wonder if I’m trying to make up for my past in some way. I’m a good person. I just didn’t necessarily used to be. And no, I’m not posting this here for a pat on the back, I’m posting it here to call to mind those memories in the years to come.