congratulation, temptation, validation, reconciliation, trepidation, termination... determination?
the above are the "shuns" of my life. ups and downs that leave me somewhere in the middle.
two quick examples...
-up-
yesterday, i caught up with a friend i haven't seen in over a year and hardly spoken to has temporary moved back to portland. the last time i saw him was when stephanie and i went to the bay area. right before we left, i confronted him about this girl he was living with (his ex, always a bad idea, though they did live with other people). in short, i told him a lot of things i felt he needed to hear, that i was worried about his behavior, that some of the best things i had adored about him had disappeared with her influence, that he deserved to be treated better. he got really angry and flipped out on me.
we kind of just didn't talk for a long time. the next time i was in the bay area i decided to go out on a limb and let him know, via text, and he texted me back saying that he was actually in portland for a family reunion. a couple weeks back, i got a text from him letting me know he was moving back to portland, to which i replied, "cool, give me a call if you want to hang out." it was.. a start. then he really did call me. and you know what else? he apologized. sincerely, profoundly.
he said that he knew everything i was telling him was right, that he was acting unhealthy, but he couldn't help himself. then we had a long talk about everything and i told him things along the lines of "it's ok. we all have do this. i was 19 and 20 once, i did things i knew were stupid, but i had to make my own mistakes. i still am. sometimes we can know the best things to do rationally. but still not be able to do them." i told him these things over and over.
i was just so happy he made that call because, sometimes when you know you've hurt someone you love and who loves you, that first hello again can be the hardest thing. i am going though some hey-i-am-being-honest-about-your-crappy-behavior with a couple other people right now, so to have geoff pop back up in my life was so reassuring.
sticking to your principles can be hard, being the kind of friend you would want someone to be to you can be hard, not enabling your friends' unhealthy behaviors can be hard. they may get mad at you, they may try to make other excuses for why they're mad at you and flip it around on you, but it can also work out in the end - or, you know, over a year later. what's more is that the friendship will be an honest one and you each will be the better for it and the next time you call them on unhealthy behavior they may not listen, but they may be less likely to totally flip out / accuse you of things without basis / hurt your feelings.
-down-
when i came home from meeting geoff, i got a phone call about an hour later from pretty much the only family member i talk to, my grandpa chuck. it was to let me know that my grandma jean, my mother's mother and his ex wife, is on her way out. on her death bed.
i don't know how to feel about it.
so, those two examples cover a couple of the "shuns" from the subject line. i don't want to get into the others right now.
two quick examples...
-up-
yesterday, i caught up with a friend i haven't seen in over a year and hardly spoken to has temporary moved back to portland. the last time i saw him was when stephanie and i went to the bay area. right before we left, i confronted him about this girl he was living with (his ex, always a bad idea, though they did live with other people). in short, i told him a lot of things i felt he needed to hear, that i was worried about his behavior, that some of the best things i had adored about him had disappeared with her influence, that he deserved to be treated better. he got really angry and flipped out on me.
we kind of just didn't talk for a long time. the next time i was in the bay area i decided to go out on a limb and let him know, via text, and he texted me back saying that he was actually in portland for a family reunion. a couple weeks back, i got a text from him letting me know he was moving back to portland, to which i replied, "cool, give me a call if you want to hang out." it was.. a start. then he really did call me. and you know what else? he apologized. sincerely, profoundly.
he said that he knew everything i was telling him was right, that he was acting unhealthy, but he couldn't help himself. then we had a long talk about everything and i told him things along the lines of "it's ok. we all have do this. i was 19 and 20 once, i did things i knew were stupid, but i had to make my own mistakes. i still am. sometimes we can know the best things to do rationally. but still not be able to do them." i told him these things over and over.
i was just so happy he made that call because, sometimes when you know you've hurt someone you love and who loves you, that first hello again can be the hardest thing. i am going though some hey-i-am-being-honest-about-your-crappy-behavior with a couple other people right now, so to have geoff pop back up in my life was so reassuring.
sticking to your principles can be hard, being the kind of friend you would want someone to be to you can be hard, not enabling your friends' unhealthy behaviors can be hard. they may get mad at you, they may try to make other excuses for why they're mad at you and flip it around on you, but it can also work out in the end - or, you know, over a year later. what's more is that the friendship will be an honest one and you each will be the better for it and the next time you call them on unhealthy behavior they may not listen, but they may be less likely to totally flip out / accuse you of things without basis / hurt your feelings.
-down-
when i came home from meeting geoff, i got a phone call about an hour later from pretty much the only family member i talk to, my grandpa chuck. it was to let me know that my grandma jean, my mother's mother and his ex wife, is on her way out. on her death bed.
i don't know how to feel about it.
so, those two examples cover a couple of the "shuns" from the subject line. i don't want to get into the others right now.