(no subject)
Wow I havent written in this damn thing in forever! Shows something that ive been busy. Well the last weeks of my life have been alright, sometimes im really sad and most of the time im just outgoing me. Ive been working alot. You know where. Mcd's. I havent been out in a verry long time. I used to do something like every weekend. Those were the times. (sometimes)
I feel like im a completely different person now. I get asked to go to parties, and im like no, "I have other stuff to do". Partying is not my thing anymore and I feel that they're useless, by the end of the night you're a drunken idiot and you you usually get yourself in trouble with your close friends. (Hint Chels, New Years) yeah babe sorry about that. I love you still. I miss the old times kinda but not really. Its weird cause I actually like staying home now and doing nothing but sleep. Ive mostly just been going to school, work, and sleep when I can. I havent gotten much sleep the last weeks. Its like every class i go to i feel like i have narcolepsy. lol not really but i feel like it.
I m soo dead now and I feel nothing. I used to be soo funny and hilarious and do whatever i wanted. I guess its cause Mindis pain killers wore off and her shyness is rubbing on me and wearing me out. Its weird though cause I kinda made mindi the way she is now. ( when shes outgoing) Some peopple are really getting on my nerves and they bitch at mindi for the dumbest reasons, which they have no right to.Me and mindi had the funnest days at school and we would seriously laugh over the dumbest stuff! " and im completly alone at a table of friends, i feel nothing for them... nothing"
Ive been sad lately and I cry over the weirdest stuff, I find my self confused and lost in my thoughts mostly every night. i cry every night practically. I dont know what to feel. The last time I went out on the weekends with friends was *like 3 wks ago*. All the other times I do stuff with my mom. Its been too long but I love how I dont get in trouble anymore on the weekends. Thats what i like about that.
Work has been alot better. Speaking of that I work with a bunch of perv's that hit on me non stop in suggestive ways. Lol but theres this guy robbie that I work with, hes not a perv. Since as you know my nickname is ROBBIE and so when someone yells for him I always look and see. My manager on the weekends is so awesome i love her..
I dont really watch tv anymore. I dont know whats taking over me. School was really gay this week and some people are trying to fit in to be someone they arent im not gonna say any names. THIS WEEK HAS BEEN THE MOST IRONIC WEEK ever. I swear ive had so many signs on one specific thing and i dont know if these signs are supposed to be good or bad. I hope theyre good. Zach came over on Monday and we watched garden state. funn stuff. I dont wanna get my heart broken but thats me, I always get my heart broken. I try not to get attached but I usually do. If something goes a step farther i hope its the right decision..
Alot of people have been telling me lately that im really pretty and stuff but i dont know i always think to myself "why would they want to look like me" -random things like that.
I havent seen chels and brittany in over a month and thats pretty sad. i miss yall. They were gonna come y pick me up from work tonight then go out to eat but didnt.
Im confused on what people want from me, ive gotten way more "responsible" and settled down in the last weeks yay for me. I have to work all this weekend and this weather is weird and it makes people crazy. one day its cold the next is hot. I dont know why people try so hard to fit in and be friends with everyone its dumb.
anyways
I have nothing left to say..
All i know is that ive changed and im kinda likin it. 2 more months till my license!
"this is gonna be reality, you can never dream it down. I have no way of telling, the 2 apart... I put the past into the ground. I saw the future as a cloud, Theres no time to turn around. Im going to, its just that one day I fell asleep and all day and night I dream..... IM the first ONE i deceive, If I could make myself believe.... the rest is easy."
I c r y too much, wont you stop these tears?!
And I wish that i was anywhere with anyone, making out..*
Wont you kill me, so I die happy?*
Careful not to break you,
fearing conversation..
Its better just to hold you and keep you pacified...
"pushing everything that is good away"
I am very fragile,
I can bend and not break.
But I can break and *take it with a smile* :(