(no subject)
just got back from gymnastics. i can really tell a difference in my strength, and it probably doesnt help that i am taking diet pills. i couldn't get my run or takeoff right, and i just felt like i had no power. not that i am too weak, i was just waaaay off, and i am never THAT off. maybe i shouldn't take diet pills on gymnastics days, or at least only take them in the morning, not afternoon.
i am having flashbacks. i am starting to space out, and i need to cut. abstained from it all day, so i will try and go to bed soon so i don't have to think about it anymore. i think i will try and sleep a lot tomorrow, that way i wont be tempted to eat, and i wont even have to think about it. but if i sleep that much i feel lazy and gross and worthless. my boyfriend keeps telling me that i am losing weight and getting too thin, but how can i be too thin when i still have so much flab?? maybe he is just worried when he is around me because i hardly eat, but even when i do it isn't nearly as much, and of course there are certain tricks and whatever that i ahve to do while i am eating.
actually, i didn't completely avoid SI today - when i was at gymnastics, i purposely did bars without grips so my hands would rip open. i can tell you that no matter how many times i have ripped in the past, it hurts SOOOO bad!! and besides, no one will question how it happened because everyone knows i am a gymnast.
time for a nice hot bath....
i am having flashbacks. i am starting to space out, and i need to cut. abstained from it all day, so i will try and go to bed soon so i don't have to think about it anymore. i think i will try and sleep a lot tomorrow, that way i wont be tempted to eat, and i wont even have to think about it. but if i sleep that much i feel lazy and gross and worthless. my boyfriend keeps telling me that i am losing weight and getting too thin, but how can i be too thin when i still have so much flab?? maybe he is just worried when he is around me because i hardly eat, but even when i do it isn't nearly as much, and of course there are certain tricks and whatever that i ahve to do while i am eating.
actually, i didn't completely avoid SI today - when i was at gymnastics, i purposely did bars without grips so my hands would rip open. i can tell you that no matter how many times i have ripped in the past, it hurts SOOOO bad!! and besides, no one will question how it happened because everyone knows i am a gymnast.
time for a nice hot bath....