(no subject)
for the first time in a long time i can think about raymiah and not feel sad.. no we didnt get back together.. i have decided to take a break from everything.Things were going great but I could feel myself crumbling again and not being able to get a firm footing.. When we broke up we never really ever went very long without seeing each other or being intimate.. I think we need time apart, real time apart. No mini or late night visits.. I think we need time away from each other.. He said he didnt but I know I need to be away fro him for awhile.. yes i still love him but its cuz i love him so much that i decided to do this.. today he made a comment that got me thinkin.. and i have alot of life events coming up that need serious thinking about... i hate spliting up nathan and raymiah.. but right now he couldnt be around as much as nathan needs him and it wasnt fair to nathan.. yeha raymiah was busy and did the best he could but it was upsetting nathan which was upsetting me.... I know raymiah loves us both but he is doing his own thing.. so i need to break away for awhile and do my own thing.. i need to go out and do things that i wanna do, i deserve to go out and have a good time.. i am tired of finding reason to be mad at raymiah, but maybe if we take this break we can see if being together is really the best thing for us.. I am tired of being stressed out.. I have lost alot of weight 65 more pounds to go and soo i am feelin' pretty good about things I just need space to gain some clarity about things... maybe during the break i can figur eout why i cant let the past go with raymiah and maybe i can decide then if i ever really will or want to let it go, if i can let it go that would be great.. if not then he deserves to be with someone who can let stuff like that go.. but i dunno whats going to happen.. i am still going to his graduation and i am still going to his grandmothers on sunday to spend time with her.. she called me basically immediatly after i got off the phone with raymiah. but we'll see how things go... me being alone is best... if you have any questions but are afraid i dont check this enough post reply anyways cause they email them to me.. love to all... ohh and nathan is wonderfullllllll.. talkin like crazy!!!
-Angelina
-Angelina