Ficlet: Certainty

[lovelylytton]

Title: Certainty
Prompt: Submitted for first-person/family at sm_monthly .
A/N: Rated R because of some very filthy language. Also, look at the new, shiny shiny icon! Cate made it for me, it’s the new designated angst icon. *claps* So, in honour of the icon, here we go.

Comments

[charliechaplin2]

Lytton...

That end...

Oh
My
Gosh!

[lovelylytton]

Charlie! *waves like a maniac*

(No idea where the fic came from, I was having a really pleasant sunny Sunday.)

[jenbunny]

well that killed me, but as usual I loved it ... very well written. It was great, well beyond the killing me part of course ^^

[lovelylytton]

*laughs*

Thank you, Jen!

[venusorbit1]

In so few words, I love this kid, I hope he shoots the hell out of Beryl, and somehow gets to live, but I'm sure that's not the case. Way to knock one out of the park with the first person narration, too!

I’m a great many of things (my father would say I’m nothing, but he and I never saw eye-to-eye, so who cares?).

UGH ;___; HIDDEN ANGST. WHAT. This makes me feel even worse for him.

Neat way to blend Rei morphing into Beryl. For a damn minute I thought he was going to shoot Rei and that would be even more ;___;

What? You think this is unfair? Oh, me too. Spare me the eulogy, I have no interest in that sort of thing. You don’t know me well enough to make it count anyway.

Awesome, powerful lines. You can gather everything about his character just from this part.

[lovelylytton]

In so few words, I love this kid, I hope he shoots the hell out of Beryl, and somehow gets to live, but I'm sure that's not the case. Way to knock one out of the park with the first person narration, too!
... Well, it's not Beryl he's pointing the gun at. *ducks*

I don't usually like to write in first person, but it's different when it's any version of Jadeite because he's so raw and there's a lot to play with. (I wanted to do a pre-whodunnit drabble at first, but it didn't work.)

UGH ;___; HIDDEN ANGST. WHAT. This makes me feel even worse for him.
Me too. :( The whole thing about cutting down the tree was a not so subtle dig at his father, who didn't mind that his kid got hurt, which I find really sad. SAD.

Awesome, powerful lines. You can gather everything about his character just from this part.
Other than the first line, this one is my favourite too. He's so, so angry, and so honest.

WHAT

[venusorbit1]

WAIT IT'S NOT???????? WHAT IS GOING ON??????????????

AND HIS FATHER SUCKS SO HARD. EFF THAT GUY.

Re: WHAT

[lovelylytton]

"In my hand, the gun feels heavy. I lift it to my head and smile. Told ya. Never out of choices."

It's suicide. He'd rather kill himself than he become a puppet in her hands.

[ellorgast]

D:

[lovelylytton]

Very appropriate icon you got there.

[ellorgast]

I always forget I have it until you drop an angst-bomb. Then I need something to express my paaaaaaaaain.

Oh Lytton, you always angst like no other. He had a gun. HE HAD A GUN. I just. I don't know if I want to cheer him on for defying Beryl or scream in terror because at least if Beryl got him he'd have a chance of being saved later, but not if he goes and shoots himself before anybody even knows he's there. Guh, woman! How do you make angst so complicated!

Spare me the eulogy, I have no interest in that sort of thing. You don’t know me well enough to make it count anyway.

Brilliant.

I’m shit-scared, I’m feeling more alive than ever, I’m smart (no time pretending to be humble, the clock is fucking ticking), I’m in love, I’m out of love, and most importantly, I’m out of fucking life.

But I’m not out of choices. Never out of choices.

ALSO BRILLIANT.

And then there's the illusion and it's so damn perfect. Right down to the shoulders. But he knew from the beginning!

[lovelylytton]

I always forget I have it until you drop an angst-bomb. Then I need something to express my paaaaaaaaain.
So you rediscover your icon every two weeks or so? ;)

Oh Lytton, you always angst like no other.
Actually, I think Cate can give me a run for my money, she's brilliant and makes me want to bury myself in a mountain of chocolate to mitigate the pain.
That being said: thank you for the compliment!

He had a gun. HE HAD A GUN. I just. I don't know if I want to cheer him on for defying Beryl or scream in terror because at least if Beryl got him he'd have a chance of being saved later, but not if he goes and shoots himself before anybody even knows he's there.He's so fiercely independent, so brave, and so scared of being nothing more than a shell again, so he does the only thing he can to thwart her plans for him. He kills himself. Jirous is not the sort of person to allow himself unrealistic hopes of a better future: if he sees a chance of happiness for himself, he'll go for it, but with the Beryl situation, all he can see is losing

[apsaraqueen]

I’m angry (if you were in my situation, doomed from the get-go, you’d be too), I’m shit-scared, I’m feeling more alive than ever, I’m smart (no time pretending to be humble, the clock is fucking ticking), I’m in love, I’m out of love, and most importantly, I’m out of fucking life.

But I’m not out of choices. Never out of choices.

oh, LOVE how this just tumbles out so powerfully. i actually read it out loud to myself and i can practically hear him saying it, it tells us so much about him (even if it WEREN'T him actually describing himself...if that makes sense)

and the rei/beryl creepiness is too good, especially with the pointed shoulders *shudder*

AND of course, last line is killer, but you knew that! so rarely do i like first person, but i fucking love this guy (okay, jade is my fav so that's not really fair...but still!)

[lovelylytton]

Thank you! I actually did read it out loud after writing, to see whether it flows the way it's supposed to, and I'm quite happy with the result. First person is hard for me because while I can write it fairly quickly, I struggle with conveying all the information I want to include because I like to characterise through gestures and movement as much as speech. But Jirou's anger actually doesn't need a balled fist or a defiant stance, it's quite potent on its own. Thank God. *laughs*

Anyway. Sorry, I rambled.
THANKS for your kind comment!!!