Coming Home

[lovelylotta]

Wow. I have been gone for like less than a week and it feels a whole lot longer. I miss Jeff so bad it aches and I get all teary just thinking about seeing his smiling face greeting me when I get in this afternoon. Time with the family, both extended and immidiate is so predictabley dysfunctional. On the surface, it is cool. We eat good food and drink a lot and enjoy each other's company. But at the same time, just about all the women in my family from aunts to sisters to neices are obsessed with their bodies. My aunts are on Dr. perscribed diets, my mom kept going on and on about "portion control and excersize!!!", my sister gets up at 4:00 to attend bootcamp workouts at the gym and complains that if she doesn't wok out she immediately gains weight. And they talk and talk and talk about it. All. Day. Long. I tolerate it and make comments to show that I am okay with my body as I assume they all pity me for being a fatty. And I do my best not to let it in cuz it would be too easy to sucked into the pit of obsession. Actually, that isn't true. What sets me apart from my family is that I amy be the only one who isn't obsessive. I think I am too lazy to be obsessed. So maybe self loathing is the better word. While all my family members are anxiety ridden obsessives, I am more the mopey depressive with a side of anxiety. It seems you get much more done when you are obsessive so perhaps I ended up with the short end of the stick.

I'll be home soon and so looking forward to sliding back into the comfort of my peeps and my space and get back to feeling myself again.