I CAN'T LOOK--IT'S KILLING ME
I didn't want anyone to know. Frankie knows, Todd knows, but that's all. & we haven't talked about it much since Monday night.
I think I may be well on my way toward anorexia. I noticed that I've been skipping meals since Bobby left, my mother tells me all the time that I need to eat. I was in denial though. I mean, me go without food? That doesn't happen often. If anything I thought I'd be bulimic or something.
Well Josh was the one who upset me. He upset me so badly I actually admitted to myself that I had a problem. That doesn't happen too often either, since I was perfectly happy in my denial.
It kind of upsets me too that the people I told didn't seem to care much. They simply told me to eat. Like I would eat if it was that easy. Sometimes just looking at food is enough to get rid of my desire to eat.
I guess I can blame this on Bobby like everything else. I never felt good enough, now I don't feel pretty enough. But is it his fault? I don't know. I miss him & I don't know what to do...I don't know why I won't eat. I'm hungry but I don't want to.
It's getting to the point where I'm tired all the time & dizzy. I couldn't sleep last night cuz the room kept spinning. But it's not that I don't eat at all. I usually eat a little bit once a day... enough to try to keep me going I guess. Is it so bad? I don't know what's wrong with me, but I don't want to do anything about it... I don't want people to know. I don't want the looks, I don't want the worry, I don't want the help. I don't know what I want, but nothing good will come from this by me telling all my friends. I am not attention seeking.
Even though I'm mad at Hailie she even asked me what was wrong & if there was anything she could do. But no, no there's nothing. I'll deal with it. Eventually. I'm not depressed again. No way. Writing this is making me cry though. So I guess that's all I wanted to say.
I think I may be well on my way toward anorexia. I noticed that I've been skipping meals since Bobby left, my mother tells me all the time that I need to eat. I was in denial though. I mean, me go without food? That doesn't happen often. If anything I thought I'd be bulimic or something.
Well Josh was the one who upset me. He upset me so badly I actually admitted to myself that I had a problem. That doesn't happen too often either, since I was perfectly happy in my denial.
It kind of upsets me too that the people I told didn't seem to care much. They simply told me to eat. Like I would eat if it was that easy. Sometimes just looking at food is enough to get rid of my desire to eat.
I guess I can blame this on Bobby like everything else. I never felt good enough, now I don't feel pretty enough. But is it his fault? I don't know. I miss him & I don't know what to do...I don't know why I won't eat. I'm hungry but I don't want to.
It's getting to the point where I'm tired all the time & dizzy. I couldn't sleep last night cuz the room kept spinning. But it's not that I don't eat at all. I usually eat a little bit once a day... enough to try to keep me going I guess. Is it so bad? I don't know what's wrong with me, but I don't want to do anything about it... I don't want people to know. I don't want the looks, I don't want the worry, I don't want the help. I don't know what I want, but nothing good will come from this by me telling all my friends. I am not attention seeking.
Even though I'm mad at Hailie she even asked me what was wrong & if there was anything she could do. But no, no there's nothing. I'll deal with it. Eventually. I'm not depressed again. No way. Writing this is making me cry though. So I guess that's all I wanted to say.