(no subject)
I just drank hot chocolate at 4 in the morning and I think I thought it was gonna be a really great idea but it turns out it wasn't. Now I can't even think about crawling into bed because I'm not tired and I feel like I'm gonna throw up hot chocolate with marshmellows. Ew. Actually let's recap the food that I've eaten today: mini-bagels with cream cheese, broccoli and cheese soup, Oreos, crabcake, rum cake, burger and fries from Wendy's, and hot chocolate. That really grosses me out now. But they all seemed like really great ideas at the time..
I hate that. Good ideas that just turn really really bad.
Being messy really gets on my nerves sometimes. You'd think it wouldn't, because I choose to live like that, but it really does bother me. Usually it all builds up at once and it's when I need three very important things and can't find ANY of them that I just flip out and tear my room apart. I frantically throw everything around, mixing everything up and making it even worse. Whereas before, I could tell you that my car keys are shoved under the futon behind my English book.. But when I throw things around to find other things.. then it messes that all up for me. And what sucks is I never find the three things anyway. Sometimes I find 1/3 if I'm really lucky.
And then there's just the embarrassment of looking at my room. It doesn't bother me when I have stuff to do so I don't think about it.. But I forget that I'm messy and leave the door open a lot and random people walk down the hall and see. And then I'm embarrassed!! Because it is clearly my side that is terrible. Haha. Hannah's side is almost perfect, with the exception of the occasional empty beer can (which Toni leaves there, not Hannah because she doesn't drink beer) and maybe 3 pairs of shoes by her dresser. I don't think it would really be a problem if we didn't have a cute room. But we do.. so people walk by and expect to see it pretty and neat (ok that's a joke.. haha). But normally the messy rooms that you see are the ones that people don't even care to decorate.
I'd like to believe that it all stems from the fact that I am a creative genius. Well, ok, I don't really think that's what I am, I just don't have a way to describe it so that's what I'm gonna call it. I always have a million things going through my head of what I want to do and what I have to do and stuff like that.. So I never have time to clean or organize. I barely have time to organize my own thoughts and turn them into something productive. And I rarely finish things that I start, unless someone else is on my back about it. I've probably started all kinds of cool things but I've moved on from them all, without finishing, so now I can't tell you what any of them are.
Hm.
I gave in and made up with Kyle. I mean, we're just friends now, but really it's probably better than it ever could be otherwise. It's like I said before. You make a decision and it may seem right but sometimes you have to tweak it a little bit to really feel good about that decision. And although I thought I would feel better cutting him out of my life and never talking to him again.. it really wasn't helping, because I spent just as much time wondering if I was being mean and if he really deserved all of that. And maybe he does, but I invested too much time in him that there's a part of me that still cares about him as a friend. I want to know how his life is, and I want to be able to call and tell him about mine. There's something cool about having someone who lives far away who you can call.. Someone who has no bias, no idea what's going on, but you can just tell them a story and they'll listen. That's all we really need anyway.. another person to listen, when we need them to.
So yeah that took a load off my shoulders.
And Ashley and Char are speaking to each other again, which is awesome because they are back to their normal crazy selves and that means they make me laugh a lot more. I can definitely use it this week.
I have a test tomorrow that I need to get a 92 on. If I get a 92 or higher, I will exempt the final, which is next Thurs. If that happens, then I can leave after my last final on Monday, which is a full 3 days earlier... So I really really need to do well on it.
Tuesday I have a group presentation which I am super scared about. Actually, I dunno, maybe I'll be fine. I forgot that it is a group presentation, after all, so everyone isn't just looking at me, they're kinda looking at everyone. But the class is pretty big. Sooo maybe that cancels out the group part. Whatever. I don't know why I get so scared to speak in front of people. There's a logical part of me that knows I can do it and that it will turn out fine. And I also know that there is always someone who does better and worse than me, so I can't really do THAT bad. So I wish I could remember that when I get up there and talk. But I don't. Anyway, wish me luck, guys, because I'm really nervous.
Wednesday, I have a regular astronomy test.
Thursday, I have a quiz in English and an extra credit astronomy test.
Friday, I have my astronomy final.
(WHY MUST I HAVE THREE ASTRONOMY TESTS IN 3 DAYS?? THAT IS SO RIDICULOUS.)
Let me tell you what I really want to do.
I really just want to skip all my tests.
And start out the week with tomorrow night's MNF game with the Panthers vs. Eagles.
Statistics show that we only win when I've been able to watch the games, so it's a necessity that I watch tomorrow night.
I will also crack open one (or multiple) bottles of Blue Moon.
Then I will play poker.
And eat all the food I want.
And finish season 1 of Nip/Tuck.
And I will do absolutely nothing all week except eat, drink, sleep, and watch football and my favorite tv shows.
Can't life be that easy?
I really like playing poker. I guess it's good that I never play because then I wouldn't lose any money. But I also can't win any either.. I've always wanted to have a weekly girls' poker night but no girls ever want to play poker. I mean, why not?? It would be so much fun!! It would be just like a guys night except it would be a girls night and we could talk shit about guys, and drink, and make some money. I just really don't understand why I'm the only one who likes this idea.. Maybe one day the other girls will be as fun and cool as me.. Haha.
We drew Secret Santa for girls on the hall and I just don't KNOW what to get my person!! It has to be something good and I don't really know. And I don't want to ask someone for help because I want it to be a secret! See, I'm used to doing Secret Santas with all my best girl friends. And while I'm close with my sorority sisters, I just haven't known them as long to know exactly what they like or what they already have n stuff.
I told work my work schedule. Well, really I just told them what day I'll be back and when I leave again. And then we hung up. And I was really mad because I meant to tell them that I only want to work nights, and I don't want to work a million hours a week, and I want a couple days off to visit Pino in Boston and Karla in NJ. But they tricked me into forgetting all that stuff!! Shenanigans, I say..
So anyway I'm dreading looking at the schedule for the holidays, but I'm gonna cross my fingers and hope they were nice to me so that I can actually have a life this Christmas break.
I'm so excited it's the holidays!!!!!
<333333333333333 (shut up Charlotte.. hahah)
kelly.
I hate that. Good ideas that just turn really really bad.
Being messy really gets on my nerves sometimes. You'd think it wouldn't, because I choose to live like that, but it really does bother me. Usually it all builds up at once and it's when I need three very important things and can't find ANY of them that I just flip out and tear my room apart. I frantically throw everything around, mixing everything up and making it even worse. Whereas before, I could tell you that my car keys are shoved under the futon behind my English book.. But when I throw things around to find other things.. then it messes that all up for me. And what sucks is I never find the three things anyway. Sometimes I find 1/3 if I'm really lucky.
And then there's just the embarrassment of looking at my room. It doesn't bother me when I have stuff to do so I don't think about it.. But I forget that I'm messy and leave the door open a lot and random people walk down the hall and see. And then I'm embarrassed!! Because it is clearly my side that is terrible. Haha. Hannah's side is almost perfect, with the exception of the occasional empty beer can (which Toni leaves there, not Hannah because she doesn't drink beer) and maybe 3 pairs of shoes by her dresser. I don't think it would really be a problem if we didn't have a cute room. But we do.. so people walk by and expect to see it pretty and neat (ok that's a joke.. haha). But normally the messy rooms that you see are the ones that people don't even care to decorate.
I'd like to believe that it all stems from the fact that I am a creative genius. Well, ok, I don't really think that's what I am, I just don't have a way to describe it so that's what I'm gonna call it. I always have a million things going through my head of what I want to do and what I have to do and stuff like that.. So I never have time to clean or organize. I barely have time to organize my own thoughts and turn them into something productive. And I rarely finish things that I start, unless someone else is on my back about it. I've probably started all kinds of cool things but I've moved on from them all, without finishing, so now I can't tell you what any of them are.
Hm.
I gave in and made up with Kyle. I mean, we're just friends now, but really it's probably better than it ever could be otherwise. It's like I said before. You make a decision and it may seem right but sometimes you have to tweak it a little bit to really feel good about that decision. And although I thought I would feel better cutting him out of my life and never talking to him again.. it really wasn't helping, because I spent just as much time wondering if I was being mean and if he really deserved all of that. And maybe he does, but I invested too much time in him that there's a part of me that still cares about him as a friend. I want to know how his life is, and I want to be able to call and tell him about mine. There's something cool about having someone who lives far away who you can call.. Someone who has no bias, no idea what's going on, but you can just tell them a story and they'll listen. That's all we really need anyway.. another person to listen, when we need them to.
So yeah that took a load off my shoulders.
And Ashley and Char are speaking to each other again, which is awesome because they are back to their normal crazy selves and that means they make me laugh a lot more. I can definitely use it this week.
I have a test tomorrow that I need to get a 92 on. If I get a 92 or higher, I will exempt the final, which is next Thurs. If that happens, then I can leave after my last final on Monday, which is a full 3 days earlier... So I really really need to do well on it.
Tuesday I have a group presentation which I am super scared about. Actually, I dunno, maybe I'll be fine. I forgot that it is a group presentation, after all, so everyone isn't just looking at me, they're kinda looking at everyone. But the class is pretty big. Sooo maybe that cancels out the group part. Whatever. I don't know why I get so scared to speak in front of people. There's a logical part of me that knows I can do it and that it will turn out fine. And I also know that there is always someone who does better and worse than me, so I can't really do THAT bad. So I wish I could remember that when I get up there and talk. But I don't. Anyway, wish me luck, guys, because I'm really nervous.
Wednesday, I have a regular astronomy test.
Thursday, I have a quiz in English and an extra credit astronomy test.
Friday, I have my astronomy final.
(WHY MUST I HAVE THREE ASTRONOMY TESTS IN 3 DAYS?? THAT IS SO RIDICULOUS.)
Let me tell you what I really want to do.
I really just want to skip all my tests.
And start out the week with tomorrow night's MNF game with the Panthers vs. Eagles.
Statistics show that we only win when I've been able to watch the games, so it's a necessity that I watch tomorrow night.
I will also crack open one (or multiple) bottles of Blue Moon.
Then I will play poker.
And eat all the food I want.
And finish season 1 of Nip/Tuck.
And I will do absolutely nothing all week except eat, drink, sleep, and watch football and my favorite tv shows.
Can't life be that easy?
I really like playing poker. I guess it's good that I never play because then I wouldn't lose any money. But I also can't win any either.. I've always wanted to have a weekly girls' poker night but no girls ever want to play poker. I mean, why not?? It would be so much fun!! It would be just like a guys night except it would be a girls night and we could talk shit about guys, and drink, and make some money. I just really don't understand why I'm the only one who likes this idea.. Maybe one day the other girls will be as fun and cool as me.. Haha.
We drew Secret Santa for girls on the hall and I just don't KNOW what to get my person!! It has to be something good and I don't really know. And I don't want to ask someone for help because I want it to be a secret! See, I'm used to doing Secret Santas with all my best girl friends. And while I'm close with my sorority sisters, I just haven't known them as long to know exactly what they like or what they already have n stuff.
I told work my work schedule. Well, really I just told them what day I'll be back and when I leave again. And then we hung up. And I was really mad because I meant to tell them that I only want to work nights, and I don't want to work a million hours a week, and I want a couple days off to visit Pino in Boston and Karla in NJ. But they tricked me into forgetting all that stuff!! Shenanigans, I say..
So anyway I'm dreading looking at the schedule for the holidays, but I'm gonna cross my fingers and hope they were nice to me so that I can actually have a life this Christmas break.
I'm so excited it's the holidays!!!!!
<333333333333333 (shut up Charlotte.. hahah)
kelly.