(no subject)
i went to jabo's tonight. a bunch of my friends that i haven't seen in a while were there and it was really really good to see old, but familiar faces. it was honestly like no time passed at all. i miss them, and my life there. they all know me as i was before i came here and made a mess of myself. to them, seeing me the way i am now, they don't see anything different. that makes me happy because that confirms how i feel about myself. when i go there no one sees an asshole or jerk or whatever people might call me. all they see is daryl. same as always. that's a good feeling, and i wish i could be there again. granted, it's not a great distance from all the things i want to escape, but it's a start. i know i did this to myself, but can't a guy make amens for his mistakes. short answer: NO. i need to finish school and leave. i'll still be able to see ethan when i can come home, and talk to him on the phone. he'll still know i'm there. as long as i support him from wherever i am, it'll be like it was when i was a kid and my dad was away. that way i can work on my career and buil something for him to use later down the road. that's my goal now, and that's what i'm gonna do. the pain of this place will go away if i can get far enough away from it.