Just another Rejection..... add this to the book of them
My best friend of four+ years walked out on me today. Without warning she came with her family to gather her things and head away. I was quite stunned that she would go through such great lengths to reverse everything that she had told me. How she would never let me down, she wouldnt walk out on me, she wouldnt leave me like the rest. She did, and it hurt more than anything ever did.
I should have known it was coming,everyone else has done it. I knew it because she started hiding things, and telling lies trying to cover her tracks that something was wrong. Its sad but I saw it coming. I just hate that she never talked to me about it. she just came, arm in arm with a look of sadness and at the same time vindication on her face.
As she left she tried to tell me that she still thought of me as a close and dear friend, but the baggage she left behind didnt say friendship it said otherwise. I know that she distorted peoples' image of me; I know because she had done it to me so many times before, but still, little by little I was coming back. I was clearing my head and stepping into better choices. She expected me to love when I wasnt capable, and honestly really think now, thats all she ever really wanted from me.
I couldn't love my way, I had to love hers. She pulled the strings and she held the cards, no she wasnt my lover, she was my friend. It crushes me to know that she had no guts to come and tell me she was leaving, she just came with her family, and the look in their eyes and the laughs from their mouths, said more to me about hatred and judgment, than many people I have come to know. I honestly hope she didnt expect me to be a perfect person, especially when put into an imperfect world, but she wasnt perfect either. She abused in ways no one could know; and because she's a WOMAN, any lashing out at her was considered abuse, but MEN can be abused too.
TO YOU:
Its a shame when instead of talking to me, you go to your mother and have her speak for you, a mother that has never been able to keep control of the men in her life. YEAH I SAID IT! Leading by example: is that how you teach? Is that what you preach? When the reality is you couldn't hold on and that was the issue, you tried to be the controller, and now you have no love. And she taught you frailness and you sucked it in like a desperate fog breathing for air.
To live and to learn is hard, and you do repeat. You will learn to grow on your own. But it hurts still the same. it hurt because it was her. And obviously she becomes the main catalyst in me never trusting women, because they can yell and talk, and say cruel things and hurt people with actions and words, but then play innocent vulnerable roles, as if they have done nothing wrong. Plotting and schemimg to develop ways to bring men to their knees so that they can gain control. When it is our right, Our God given right to be that, and we dont need to control, because they will always stand as the weaker vessel.
So to you again:
I hate you, I hate that you lied, and you schemed to gain dominance. I hate that you left. I hate that you lied.. and said you wouldnt. It would have been easier to tell the truth. YOU SAID YOU WOULDNT LEAVE!
What good is a person if they cant keep their word?
I hurt again, and it seem like my life's challenge to be able to hurt and try to rebuild only to see at the end when I think I am getting up, I am knocked down. This is the life I am supposed to have?
Yeah I guess....
I should have known it was coming,everyone else has done it. I knew it because she started hiding things, and telling lies trying to cover her tracks that something was wrong. Its sad but I saw it coming. I just hate that she never talked to me about it. she just came, arm in arm with a look of sadness and at the same time vindication on her face.
As she left she tried to tell me that she still thought of me as a close and dear friend, but the baggage she left behind didnt say friendship it said otherwise. I know that she distorted peoples' image of me; I know because she had done it to me so many times before, but still, little by little I was coming back. I was clearing my head and stepping into better choices. She expected me to love when I wasnt capable, and honestly really think now, thats all she ever really wanted from me.
I couldn't love my way, I had to love hers. She pulled the strings and she held the cards, no she wasnt my lover, she was my friend. It crushes me to know that she had no guts to come and tell me she was leaving, she just came with her family, and the look in their eyes and the laughs from their mouths, said more to me about hatred and judgment, than many people I have come to know. I honestly hope she didnt expect me to be a perfect person, especially when put into an imperfect world, but she wasnt perfect either. She abused in ways no one could know; and because she's a WOMAN, any lashing out at her was considered abuse, but MEN can be abused too.
TO YOU:
Its a shame when instead of talking to me, you go to your mother and have her speak for you, a mother that has never been able to keep control of the men in her life. YEAH I SAID IT! Leading by example: is that how you teach? Is that what you preach? When the reality is you couldn't hold on and that was the issue, you tried to be the controller, and now you have no love. And she taught you frailness and you sucked it in like a desperate fog breathing for air.
To live and to learn is hard, and you do repeat. You will learn to grow on your own. But it hurts still the same. it hurt because it was her. And obviously she becomes the main catalyst in me never trusting women, because they can yell and talk, and say cruel things and hurt people with actions and words, but then play innocent vulnerable roles, as if they have done nothing wrong. Plotting and schemimg to develop ways to bring men to their knees so that they can gain control. When it is our right, Our God given right to be that, and we dont need to control, because they will always stand as the weaker vessel.
So to you again:
I hate you, I hate that you lied, and you schemed to gain dominance. I hate that you left. I hate that you lied.. and said you wouldnt. It would have been easier to tell the truth. YOU SAID YOU WOULDNT LEAVE!
What good is a person if they cant keep their word?
I hurt again, and it seem like my life's challenge to be able to hurt and try to rebuild only to see at the end when I think I am getting up, I am knocked down. This is the life I am supposed to have?
Yeah I guess....