An Appetite for Love - Part II [Winter] (Chapter Four)
Title: An Appetite for Love - Part II [Winter]
Chapter: 4/5
Pairing: Masuda Takahisa x Tegoshi Yuya
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Tegoshi and Massu had let their miscommunication go to far; now they have to face the consequences.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, this would be a movie instead of just a story.
:: < four > | trouble in paradise
Tegoshi was miserable. A few bad decisions, and it seemed as if everything that he and Massu had built up in the last few months of their relationship-no, in the last few years of their friendship, even-seemed to have been torn away from him.
He sat down once he had gotten about a block away from Yamapi's flat and buried his face in his hands. The cold was beginning to seep through his clothes and he suspected that it would soon start snowing again. He couldn't bring himself to return to the party. Going back would mean that he would have to try to explain why Massu had fled, and why he still hadn't come back.
He struggled to keep his breathing steady as his thoughts began to race. Was their relationship officially over now? Massu had left him so readily, without even giving him a chance for explanation. It made Tegoshi feel extremely insecure. He tried to think of any other reasons that could have helped Massu's decision. In the end, he could only come back to the same conclusion: maybe Massu didn't want to be in a relationship with a boy after all.
Tegoshi sighed and recalled a number of times before when Massu would pull away from him when they were together, even though Tegoshi could tell that Massu's body was beginning to respond to him. He would always seem hesitant to touch Tegoshi after that, as if he were repulsed by the idea of going further.
Tegoshi's cheeks burned in embarrassment and shame at the thought. He didn't want to believe that it was true, but it was the only answer that seemed to make sense. The wind blew harder and he wrapped his arms around himself, shivering. Making his way towards the nearest subway station, he decided that he needed answers.
"Shit." Ryo leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees as he ran his fingers through his hair in distress. The Christmas party had become very solemn in the wake of Kusano's statement.
"... Are you sure that Tegoshi and Massu are...?" Shige suddenly seemed at a loss for words. "I mean, how did you find out...?"
"I saw them at Odaiba about a week ago. Where Decks Tokyo Beach is. They didn't see me when I called to them so I followed them down near the water and... saw them kissing."
There seemed to be no chance arguing otherwise; the area where they had been was a popular date spot and what Kusano had seen was quite plainly a confirmation. A brief silence followed his words. Then, "Why were they doing something like that in plain sight, anyways?! Maybe it's better if they break up now before they actually get seen next time."
Ryo's words were harsh, but they held no conviction. Everyone could tell that he was only saying them to try to relieve some of his guilt; even though no one was blaming him for the recent commotion, he still felt like he wanted to vanish. Maybe if he did, his actions from earlier that evening would be erased too.
He sighed heavily. "Shit."
"Don't blame yourself. You didn't know about them." Yamapi laid a tray on the coffee table, offering hot chocolate to the group before giving Ryo a reassuring pat on the shoulder.
"He's right," Uchi agreed. "And I'm sure that if they were serious about being a couple, they'll work things out. They must also understand that what happened was because the rest of us didn't know."
Koyama gazed at the mug of hot chocolate that he had taken in his hands. "I wonder how long they've been keeping this from us."
The others fell silent. Some of them looked at Kusano expectantly. He held his hands up in defense. "Don't look at me! I didn't ask them about it. They don't know that I saw them."
"Then they probably don't know that we have found out. They probably never planned on telling us." Yamapi met the eyes of the other members and saw their agreement. "So. Do you think that we should pretend that we don't know, or tell them...?"
Massu tried his best to ignore the incoming calls. Even though he had put his phone on mute, he could still see Tegoshi's name flashing at him from the external screen. He flung a pillow at it so that he wouldn't see it anymore.
He was being irrational and he knew it; but it was all built up frustration and it felt good to finally wallow in it for a while, despite what his better judgment was telling him. He wasn't exactly sure if he was angry with Tegoshi himself or angry with what Tegoshi seemed to represent to him lately: something that was his but could not claim.
There was a knock on the door. No, not a knock-it was more like a soft but very persistent tapping. Massu ignored that as well, wrapping his woolen blanket tighter around him as he sulked on the couch.
The tapping ceased. "Massu?" A small voice. Tegoshi's voice. He sounded so vulnerable that for a fleeting moment Massu felt a tug in his chest. No. He makes himself vulnerable to make everyone jump at his feet. Damn him. "Massu," Tegoshi's voice said again, muffled by the door. "I can see the light on. Are you there?" He sounded firmer this time, but still a bit unsure.
No answer. Massu didn't move and Tegoshi wasn't saying anything else. Massu was beginning to think that he had left when he spoke again. "Please. Tell me why you're so angry at me. Ryo didn't know, and besides, he had a little too much to drink. I didn't ask for his attention." He paused as if waiting for a reply, but getting none, he continued. He voice grew a little wearier. "You can't just keep on avoiding me. You're going to have to tell me eventually." Another pause, but this one seemed different; as if he needed to gather the courage to speak. "Why are you so repulsed to touch me?"
The question seemed so unrelated to the situation that for a moment it threw Massu off. What in the world was he talking about? Tegoshi's question was so off-base that it only frustrated him more. Flinging the blanket off, he threw open the door.
Tegoshi had been sitting on the cold ground next to the door of his apartment. He quickly scrambled up when he heard the door open, but shrank a bit when he saw the hardness in Massu's look. It wasn't something that he was used to, and it made his stomach drop unpleasantly.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Massu started stiffly, "And apparently you have no idea how frustrating it is for me to be so patient, only to see you passively climb on someone else's lap with no argument! Will you really just go to anyone like that?" He could see the change in Tegoshi's face as tears began to form in his eyes. Massu could feel his resolve crumbling; he tried desperately to cling to his anger. "I've been waiting for you all this time-"
"Waiting for what?!" Tegoshi burst out, a tear spilling down his cheek. "You're being so patient for what?! Stop being so vague. You're the one that always runs away when I want to be held the most. And what's more, you don't even want to touch me after that! As if being with me is the most horrifying thing you could do-" He took a deep breath and wiped the tear from his face with his palm. It only prompted more to fall.
Massu stared at him. It all made sense to him now. He had been being overly cautious when he was holding himself back from Tegoshi. In reality, Tegoshi had wanted the same intimacy that he had, and interpreted his caution as disgust for him.
He had been wrong this entire time. He took a deep breath. "Is that what you think?" He asked quietly, all traces of anger gone from his voice.
"What else am I supposed to think?" Trying to hold back a sob, Tegoshi voice was almost a whisper. "It's because I'm not a girl, isn't it?"
"Tegoshi-no, that's not it at all. I was angry before because after all this time of trying to keep things secret, I had to watch you with Ryo in front of everybody, and..."
"I didn't know what else to do! I'm sorry, I know shouldn't have..." Tegoshi had been trying to wipe the tears before they fell, but they had begun to fall more steadily. Massu could see his hands trembling, though whether it was from the cold or from emotion, he couldn't tell. He pulled Tegoshi inside and shut the door, leaning his back against it and holding Tegoshi against him. The smaller boy clung to him and released a sob. "Massu, I'm sorry... just, please forgive me-"
His arms tightened around Tegoshi in a genuine embrace. "There's nothing to forgive," he replied shakily, feeling his own emotions tremble a bit. "Don't worry." He held Tegoshi firmly, stroking his hair as he gathered his own wits about him. Even though it broke his heart when Tegoshi cried, it was okay. He would let his heart could break a million times, as long Tegoshi's didn't. "Cry as much as you need to. I'm not going to leave you."
So Tegoshi did.
When the tears began to subside and Tegoshi's breathing became steadier, he wound his arms around Massu's waist tightly. "We can tell the other members," he conceded, his voice still a little shaky. "About us. Would that make you feel better?"
"Only if you want to." He rubbed his hand up and down Tegoshi's back. "To tell you the truth, I was also frustrated because I was holding myself back from you. It definitely wasn't that I don't want to touch you or anything. Actually... it was more like the opposite." Massu felt a little embarrassed. "But I thought that you didn't want to, or that you weren't ready..."
Tegoshi didn't reply for a long time. He seemed to be taking what Massu had just told him in. Finally, his hands clutched at the fabric of his shirt. "So... you're saying that basically we misunderstood each other's intentions?" After such a long day, Tegoshi's sounded tired; his voice was thin and brittle, like a fallen leaf. "All this... was over a big misunderstanding?" He sounded a bit defeated.
Massu nodded. "But we caught it before anything really bad happened, didn't we?" In the back of his mind he recalled his hasty departure from the party. A pang of guilt went through him when he thought of how he had ignored Tegoshi earlier. If only they had communicated better before this had all happened... he shook his head. Nothing could be done about it now. Everything would be okay. "... Anyways, did you really think that I didn't want you because I realized that you were a boy?" He couldn't help but tease Tegoshi a bit.
"Well, that's what it seemed like to me..." Tegoshi mumbled.
"Don't you think that I knew that when I confessed to you all those months ago, at the matsuri festival?"
Tegoshi softened a bit at the memory; Massu felt him relax a bit. "Well, did you really think that I wouldn't want to be closer to you?" Tegoshi countered.
"You never said anything, and you even stopped me that one time in the dressing room when we went out for your birthday-"
"Massu. We were in the dressing room of a store." Tegoshi's voice was frank but there was some humor behind it. "Besides, as we just established, I am also a guy. I... have the same... needs and desires." His sentence ended a little sheepishly.
Massu replied with a soft kiss. "We were both wrong." He buried his fingers in Tegoshi's hair and placed another kiss on his forehead, his nose, the corner of his mouth, and then on his lips once more. Tegoshi responded by parting his lips, inviting Massu's tongue and making the kiss considerably less innocent. Their tongues mingled as their lips moved against each other, quiet moans escaping each of them.
When they pulled away, Massu could see a slight flush across Tegoshi's face. "I am so glad that you came to see me," he murmured against Tegoshi's lips. "I would have been making a huge mistake if I had let you go." Massu held him closer and captured his mouth again.
------------------------
A/N: Sorry for the delay! To be honest I was a little disheartened by the lack of response that the last chapter got, so I kind of put off writing this one. Really, the main motivation I got for writing this chapter is because I just came back from Tokyo and saw the loveliness of Tegomasu on billboards, high-def TV, and Johnny's shop photos. Not to mention visiting the exact spots that I had set Chapter 2 at (Decks Tokyo Beach at Odaiba) in person. (ramble)
Also, apologies if any of this chapter sounds weird or something; I have a bad habit of writing at 2:00 to 4:00 in the morning. (In fact, it's 3:44am right now)
Anyhow, this was originally going to be the last chapter, but I think that you'll all agree that it definitely needs at least one more, right? (*coughthesmutscenecough*)
ALSO, since it's summer and since this fic is finally going to end soon, I figured that I'd unlock Part I [Summer] as well. So the whole series is public for people to read (or refresh their memories--Part I was written a long time ago). All my other fics will remain friends-locked, though.
Happy reading, or re-reading, and please try to comment :)
Chapter: 4/5
Pairing: Masuda Takahisa x Tegoshi Yuya
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Tegoshi and Massu had let their miscommunication go to far; now they have to face the consequences.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, this would be a movie instead of just a story.
:: < four > | trouble in paradise
Tegoshi was miserable. A few bad decisions, and it seemed as if everything that he and Massu had built up in the last few months of their relationship-no, in the last few years of their friendship, even-seemed to have been torn away from him.
He sat down once he had gotten about a block away from Yamapi's flat and buried his face in his hands. The cold was beginning to seep through his clothes and he suspected that it would soon start snowing again. He couldn't bring himself to return to the party. Going back would mean that he would have to try to explain why Massu had fled, and why he still hadn't come back.
He struggled to keep his breathing steady as his thoughts began to race. Was their relationship officially over now? Massu had left him so readily, without even giving him a chance for explanation. It made Tegoshi feel extremely insecure. He tried to think of any other reasons that could have helped Massu's decision. In the end, he could only come back to the same conclusion: maybe Massu didn't want to be in a relationship with a boy after all.
Tegoshi sighed and recalled a number of times before when Massu would pull away from him when they were together, even though Tegoshi could tell that Massu's body was beginning to respond to him. He would always seem hesitant to touch Tegoshi after that, as if he were repulsed by the idea of going further.
Tegoshi's cheeks burned in embarrassment and shame at the thought. He didn't want to believe that it was true, but it was the only answer that seemed to make sense. The wind blew harder and he wrapped his arms around himself, shivering. Making his way towards the nearest subway station, he decided that he needed answers.
"Shit." Ryo leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees as he ran his fingers through his hair in distress. The Christmas party had become very solemn in the wake of Kusano's statement.
"... Are you sure that Tegoshi and Massu are...?" Shige suddenly seemed at a loss for words. "I mean, how did you find out...?"
"I saw them at Odaiba about a week ago. Where Decks Tokyo Beach is. They didn't see me when I called to them so I followed them down near the water and... saw them kissing."
There seemed to be no chance arguing otherwise; the area where they had been was a popular date spot and what Kusano had seen was quite plainly a confirmation. A brief silence followed his words. Then, "Why were they doing something like that in plain sight, anyways?! Maybe it's better if they break up now before they actually get seen next time."
Ryo's words were harsh, but they held no conviction. Everyone could tell that he was only saying them to try to relieve some of his guilt; even though no one was blaming him for the recent commotion, he still felt like he wanted to vanish. Maybe if he did, his actions from earlier that evening would be erased too.
He sighed heavily. "Shit."
"Don't blame yourself. You didn't know about them." Yamapi laid a tray on the coffee table, offering hot chocolate to the group before giving Ryo a reassuring pat on the shoulder.
"He's right," Uchi agreed. "And I'm sure that if they were serious about being a couple, they'll work things out. They must also understand that what happened was because the rest of us didn't know."
Koyama gazed at the mug of hot chocolate that he had taken in his hands. "I wonder how long they've been keeping this from us."
The others fell silent. Some of them looked at Kusano expectantly. He held his hands up in defense. "Don't look at me! I didn't ask them about it. They don't know that I saw them."
"Then they probably don't know that we have found out. They probably never planned on telling us." Yamapi met the eyes of the other members and saw their agreement. "So. Do you think that we should pretend that we don't know, or tell them...?"
Massu tried his best to ignore the incoming calls. Even though he had put his phone on mute, he could still see Tegoshi's name flashing at him from the external screen. He flung a pillow at it so that he wouldn't see it anymore.
He was being irrational and he knew it; but it was all built up frustration and it felt good to finally wallow in it for a while, despite what his better judgment was telling him. He wasn't exactly sure if he was angry with Tegoshi himself or angry with what Tegoshi seemed to represent to him lately: something that was his but could not claim.
There was a knock on the door. No, not a knock-it was more like a soft but very persistent tapping. Massu ignored that as well, wrapping his woolen blanket tighter around him as he sulked on the couch.
The tapping ceased. "Massu?" A small voice. Tegoshi's voice. He sounded so vulnerable that for a fleeting moment Massu felt a tug in his chest. No. He makes himself vulnerable to make everyone jump at his feet. Damn him. "Massu," Tegoshi's voice said again, muffled by the door. "I can see the light on. Are you there?" He sounded firmer this time, but still a bit unsure.
No answer. Massu didn't move and Tegoshi wasn't saying anything else. Massu was beginning to think that he had left when he spoke again. "Please. Tell me why you're so angry at me. Ryo didn't know, and besides, he had a little too much to drink. I didn't ask for his attention." He paused as if waiting for a reply, but getting none, he continued. He voice grew a little wearier. "You can't just keep on avoiding me. You're going to have to tell me eventually." Another pause, but this one seemed different; as if he needed to gather the courage to speak. "Why are you so repulsed to touch me?"
The question seemed so unrelated to the situation that for a moment it threw Massu off. What in the world was he talking about? Tegoshi's question was so off-base that it only frustrated him more. Flinging the blanket off, he threw open the door.
Tegoshi had been sitting on the cold ground next to the door of his apartment. He quickly scrambled up when he heard the door open, but shrank a bit when he saw the hardness in Massu's look. It wasn't something that he was used to, and it made his stomach drop unpleasantly.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Massu started stiffly, "And apparently you have no idea how frustrating it is for me to be so patient, only to see you passively climb on someone else's lap with no argument! Will you really just go to anyone like that?" He could see the change in Tegoshi's face as tears began to form in his eyes. Massu could feel his resolve crumbling; he tried desperately to cling to his anger. "I've been waiting for you all this time-"
"Waiting for what?!" Tegoshi burst out, a tear spilling down his cheek. "You're being so patient for what?! Stop being so vague. You're the one that always runs away when I want to be held the most. And what's more, you don't even want to touch me after that! As if being with me is the most horrifying thing you could do-" He took a deep breath and wiped the tear from his face with his palm. It only prompted more to fall.
Massu stared at him. It all made sense to him now. He had been being overly cautious when he was holding himself back from Tegoshi. In reality, Tegoshi had wanted the same intimacy that he had, and interpreted his caution as disgust for him.
He had been wrong this entire time. He took a deep breath. "Is that what you think?" He asked quietly, all traces of anger gone from his voice.
"What else am I supposed to think?" Trying to hold back a sob, Tegoshi voice was almost a whisper. "It's because I'm not a girl, isn't it?"
"Tegoshi-no, that's not it at all. I was angry before because after all this time of trying to keep things secret, I had to watch you with Ryo in front of everybody, and..."
"I didn't know what else to do! I'm sorry, I know shouldn't have..." Tegoshi had been trying to wipe the tears before they fell, but they had begun to fall more steadily. Massu could see his hands trembling, though whether it was from the cold or from emotion, he couldn't tell. He pulled Tegoshi inside and shut the door, leaning his back against it and holding Tegoshi against him. The smaller boy clung to him and released a sob. "Massu, I'm sorry... just, please forgive me-"
His arms tightened around Tegoshi in a genuine embrace. "There's nothing to forgive," he replied shakily, feeling his own emotions tremble a bit. "Don't worry." He held Tegoshi firmly, stroking his hair as he gathered his own wits about him. Even though it broke his heart when Tegoshi cried, it was okay. He would let his heart could break a million times, as long Tegoshi's didn't. "Cry as much as you need to. I'm not going to leave you."
So Tegoshi did.
When the tears began to subside and Tegoshi's breathing became steadier, he wound his arms around Massu's waist tightly. "We can tell the other members," he conceded, his voice still a little shaky. "About us. Would that make you feel better?"
"Only if you want to." He rubbed his hand up and down Tegoshi's back. "To tell you the truth, I was also frustrated because I was holding myself back from you. It definitely wasn't that I don't want to touch you or anything. Actually... it was more like the opposite." Massu felt a little embarrassed. "But I thought that you didn't want to, or that you weren't ready..."
Tegoshi didn't reply for a long time. He seemed to be taking what Massu had just told him in. Finally, his hands clutched at the fabric of his shirt. "So... you're saying that basically we misunderstood each other's intentions?" After such a long day, Tegoshi's sounded tired; his voice was thin and brittle, like a fallen leaf. "All this... was over a big misunderstanding?" He sounded a bit defeated.
Massu nodded. "But we caught it before anything really bad happened, didn't we?" In the back of his mind he recalled his hasty departure from the party. A pang of guilt went through him when he thought of how he had ignored Tegoshi earlier. If only they had communicated better before this had all happened... he shook his head. Nothing could be done about it now. Everything would be okay. "... Anyways, did you really think that I didn't want you because I realized that you were a boy?" He couldn't help but tease Tegoshi a bit.
"Well, that's what it seemed like to me..." Tegoshi mumbled.
"Don't you think that I knew that when I confessed to you all those months ago, at the matsuri festival?"
Tegoshi softened a bit at the memory; Massu felt him relax a bit. "Well, did you really think that I wouldn't want to be closer to you?" Tegoshi countered.
"You never said anything, and you even stopped me that one time in the dressing room when we went out for your birthday-"
"Massu. We were in the dressing room of a store." Tegoshi's voice was frank but there was some humor behind it. "Besides, as we just established, I am also a guy. I... have the same... needs and desires." His sentence ended a little sheepishly.
Massu replied with a soft kiss. "We were both wrong." He buried his fingers in Tegoshi's hair and placed another kiss on his forehead, his nose, the corner of his mouth, and then on his lips once more. Tegoshi responded by parting his lips, inviting Massu's tongue and making the kiss considerably less innocent. Their tongues mingled as their lips moved against each other, quiet moans escaping each of them.
When they pulled away, Massu could see a slight flush across Tegoshi's face. "I am so glad that you came to see me," he murmured against Tegoshi's lips. "I would have been making a huge mistake if I had let you go." Massu held him closer and captured his mouth again.
------------------------
A/N: Sorry for the delay! To be honest I was a little disheartened by the lack of response that the last chapter got, so I kind of put off writing this one. Really, the main motivation I got for writing this chapter is because I just came back from Tokyo and saw the loveliness of Tegomasu on billboards, high-def TV, and Johnny's shop photos. Not to mention visiting the exact spots that I had set Chapter 2 at (Decks Tokyo Beach at Odaiba) in person. (ramble)
Also, apologies if any of this chapter sounds weird or something; I have a bad habit of writing at 2:00 to 4:00 in the morning. (In fact, it's 3:44am right now)
Anyhow, this was originally going to be the last chapter, but I think that you'll all agree that it definitely needs at least one more, right? (*coughthesmutscenecough*)
ALSO, since it's summer and since this fic is finally going to end soon, I figured that I'd unlock Part I [Summer] as well. So the whole series is public for people to read (or refresh their memories--Part I was written a long time ago). All my other fics will remain friends-locked, though.
Happy reading, or re-reading, and please try to comment :)