WTF!!! IS THAT ASYSTOLE!?
Noun1.asystole - absence of systole; failure of the ventricles of the heart to contract (usually caused by ventricular fibrillation) with consequent absence of the heart beat leading to oxygen lack and eventually to death
Ok, so this week by far has been the toughest week of my life!!!
My preceptor was taking a day off, so in order to meet my hours, I was put with another seasoned nurse who had no clue I was going to be orienting with her. Not only did she kick my ass about drug information, procedures, policy and other random stuff, she talked down to me instead of to me. I didn't mind that she was tough on me about information, I admit, I hold no negative feelings toward her about that because, I myself would want a competent nurse, but I completely despised the fact that she acted like it was sin that I couldn't answer her questions. HEY I'M ORIENTING STILL!!! I've only been on the floor like 11 day, not even enough to grasp who the fuck people are yet.
I was really angry that she kept asking me things and responded like 'you haven't done that yet' or 'you don't know how to do that' and then when she was supposed to teaching me the skill she was looking at me like...go ahead...and I'm like....'well, what do I do' and she is staring at me like ok, she really has no clue...
Then to make matters worse, not only was she making me feel bad but she was making me nervous! She kept rushing me! Seriously, why are you rushing me!! Do you not understand that my preceptor and I worked together for a whole three days before I could get over my nervousness and not drop things!! You are seriously pushing me back in the wrong fucking direction!!!
On a good note, I transferred my patient to a lower acuity floor and gave a successful report off the next nurse. YAY!! A step in the right direction only to be short lived!!
AND THEN! The next few hours were like a nightmare out of Grey's Anatomy! My patient died! Yes, she died, the family decided that they wanted to take her off life support, put her on a morphine drip and not 20 minutes after, she was gone, flatline!!! I almost cried in the room with the family because I haven't experienced that before. I was just...I dunno, just surreal!
AND THEN! Yes, it get's worse, we get a third patient from the ER who came to us was put on a morphine drip too because his family wanted him to pass in peace too. At this point I'm like in freaking shock that I just do what I have to do and leave the room. All of this before my shift was over!
When, I came home, all I could hear was the monitors beeping and going crazy! I just couldn't stop thinking about it, I don't even know what time I fell asleep...
I'm learning, and I love what I do, I just hate when people who are more experienced treat new grads like myself like crap because they do know have the knowledge or skill they need. Just think, you were at this point once in you life, weren't you!?