The name stays home! THE NAME STAYS HOME!
...remember that one guy on Judge Mathis who was--just like me and erebody else I know--a totally off the wall kneegrow that randomly quotes movies at the most random times? His ex-fiancee was suing him and Judge Mathis asks him if he knew why she was doing it and he goes "She wants my name, Judge, but she cant have it! The name stays home! I say, THE NAME STAYS HOME!" He totally up and quoted Ike Turner when he and Tina were at their divorce hearing. I swear I straight up remember Ike Turner suing some woman on Judge Joe Brown once. I'm serious. The things that happen on Court TV shows are seriously off the wall. I hate that one show "Eye for an Eye." It's some local lawyer from here who's being called "Judge Extreme Akim" and he has the litigants in a "cage" and it's some straight up boo boo. I hate this show. It's the "Jerry Springer Show" of all Court TV shows. Dont even get me started on "Judge Alex." That's not even a catchy judge name. Ugh, the newbies.
I'm vastly approaching my first college homecoming as an alumnus. ALUMNUS! I'm not about to tell yall that I almost spelled that "ALSMNUST" out of anticipation. I'm riding up to Charlotte on the 27th so I can see Chan give her crown to that chick that I damn sure didnt vote for. Technically, I didnt vote at all--a bitch had classes and workstudy that day. I aint had no damn time to vote for shit that wouldnt affect (effect?) me the next year. I was trying to get the hell up outta Smiff, man! So, I got my hotel room all booked and I'm trying to hope that I'll have enough money to do shit without putting it on the credit card. The concert is $30, the game is $15, the step show is $20 and there are some random alumni parties that I might have to pay for and then there's food and other outside entertainment. I cant just go to Charlotte and not do anything! It's not right. It's not the Smiff way, Young! Speaking of Smiff, how bout it took them 3 damn years to renovate Biddle Hall and now shit's going wrong? I'm getting emails about the elevator not working. They spent hella money--some of that was my gubment money--and the elevator be trippin. I'm kinda glad because freshman year, we didnt have no damn elevator. When we had to do shit in Biddle we had to hike it up them damn stairs to the fourth, fifth, etc. floors. I used to HATE when I had to run work study errands to Biddle and it involved going beyond the first floor. Even the second floor was a gotdayum feat. So now those ghetto bastards get an elevator and the shit's on the fritz. That makes me happy. Make them walk up all those damn stairs. You used to get so winded that you had to plan in advance. Pack some water, a snack, a towel, and made sure you wore some comfortable shoes and good socks. I swear, you used to hate kneegrows after going up and coming back down those stairs. That was ultimate hostility, Young. Let a fool look at you the wrong way after that...you straight up lost it. Ah, memories.
Well, I'm watching "Twitches" like a dork cause I already lost my "New Jack City" virginity. Yes, today is the first time I've seen that movie. Yes, I'm sure it's much better not being edited for TV. I cant help that my mother shielded me from violent movies like that that were full of sex, drugs, violence, and swearing--even though she's my swearing influence. I've never even seen crack until this movie. I know it's not real crack, but it's the closest I'd ever been to it. Why do people always think you're lying when you say you havent seen something that apparently erebody and their mama has? "I've never seen 'New Jack City'." "You've never seen 'New Jack City'?! (why do they always have to repeat the shit like it's just that absurd?)Are you serious?" "No kneegrow, I'm just making it all up because I have nothing better to do than lie about seeing this old ass movie." Ugh. So...
Louis Farakhan is amazing. Seriously. He was on CSPAN and he was talking about the whole Hurricane Katrina thing and he had me rollin! Emphasizing the fact that he'd gotten facts or quotes or had even read a book by a white man. I swear, Louis Farakhan is the shit! He was really making it known that "a Wuhite man..." was the culprit behind this quote or that. I was just amazed. I think I love Minister Louis Farakhan now. He follwed me from CSPAN to the Steve Harvey Morning Show today talking about the Million More March. I'd march...if I had some good shoes and some gotdayum notice about the shit. I just found out that the damn thing was tomorrow. Russell Simmons was on "Hardball with Chris Matthews" talking about it and some other race relations issues. Chris Matthews is an ass. He said he went to a PTA meeting with one of his kids and one of their teachers was black. Apparently back in his day if he had a black teacher, it'd be something to tell his parents about. WTF? Keep that stupid shit to yourself, Young, nobody wants to hear it. That just really made me angry. Then he tried to go on about how he was siding with most black folks on how if the victims of Hurricane Katrina were white then there'd be a bigger upset and backlash against Dubya. Like we need his vote of confidence to be validated in the truths of the matter. White folks be illin. Like we cant have independent thoughts, feelings, notions, conceptions, creations, ideals, LIVES without them feeling a need to validate it. To feel like they made us. They pulled us up by our bootstraps. News flash, assholes, this country was built on our backs. We built your economies. We raised your families. We kept you fed and clothed. Without us, your lazy asses would be extinct. You couldnt tame the Native Americans, so you forcibly removed us from our country and brought us somewhere foreign to forced us to adapt to your crooked ways. Yall owe us! Forget some damn taxes (I still pay mine, cause apparently, as black folks all we can be certain of is death and taxes)! Speaking of taxes....
FREE RON ISLEY!
Get off that man's back! If Willie Nelson's country ass could beat the tax man, Ron Isley deserves the same deal. I swear I'll riot! I'll disorganize every H&R Block I can find! I'mma be tossin papers and knockin pencils off desks and unpluggin computers and shit if he gets time. If he does go down, take Ruby Martin's ass with him. How the hell you wanna speak up about shit now when your ass was benefiting, but not say something when you had the change and shit was ill? Just like those adults who said they saw Michael Jackson do some foul shit to those kids, but didnt do anything. You just as guilty cause you didnt speak up. She needs to go down. ....friends. How many of us have them? Friends? Ones we can depend on? Friends. "Hey, shut up! I dont even like Whoodini!" (Next Friday)
That's it. This is long. I'm out like a muhfuckin scout, Young! Peeaaaccee!
**Side note: We just got the Steve Harvey Morning Show and now I'm conflicted! I dont know who to listen to in the morning. I have to go back and forth between him and the Tom Joyner Morning Show. Man, Tom's been waking my ass up for the past 7 years and I'm loyal, Young! Steve Harvey's just too damn funny in the morning. This fool said that God always gets you when you do something wrong--which is true--but he wanted to know why God had to get him back immediately. He said he stole a pack of cookies from the store and got all the way home and couldnt find his damn house keys. He had to call a locksmith to get him in the house. That pack of cookies, cost him 65 damn dollars. I love it. I'm faced with a dilemma, yall. Help a sista out!**
I'm vastly approaching my first college homecoming as an alumnus. ALUMNUS! I'm not about to tell yall that I almost spelled that "ALSMNUST" out of anticipation. I'm riding up to Charlotte on the 27th so I can see Chan give her crown to that chick that I damn sure didnt vote for. Technically, I didnt vote at all--a bitch had classes and workstudy that day. I aint had no damn time to vote for shit that wouldnt affect (effect?) me the next year. I was trying to get the hell up outta Smiff, man! So, I got my hotel room all booked and I'm trying to hope that I'll have enough money to do shit without putting it on the credit card. The concert is $30, the game is $15, the step show is $20 and there are some random alumni parties that I might have to pay for and then there's food and other outside entertainment. I cant just go to Charlotte and not do anything! It's not right. It's not the Smiff way, Young! Speaking of Smiff, how bout it took them 3 damn years to renovate Biddle Hall and now shit's going wrong? I'm getting emails about the elevator not working. They spent hella money--some of that was my gubment money--and the elevator be trippin. I'm kinda glad because freshman year, we didnt have no damn elevator. When we had to do shit in Biddle we had to hike it up them damn stairs to the fourth, fifth, etc. floors. I used to HATE when I had to run work study errands to Biddle and it involved going beyond the first floor. Even the second floor was a gotdayum feat. So now those ghetto bastards get an elevator and the shit's on the fritz. That makes me happy. Make them walk up all those damn stairs. You used to get so winded that you had to plan in advance. Pack some water, a snack, a towel, and made sure you wore some comfortable shoes and good socks. I swear, you used to hate kneegrows after going up and coming back down those stairs. That was ultimate hostility, Young. Let a fool look at you the wrong way after that...you straight up lost it. Ah, memories.
Well, I'm watching "Twitches" like a dork cause I already lost my "New Jack City" virginity. Yes, today is the first time I've seen that movie. Yes, I'm sure it's much better not being edited for TV. I cant help that my mother shielded me from violent movies like that that were full of sex, drugs, violence, and swearing--even though she's my swearing influence. I've never even seen crack until this movie. I know it's not real crack, but it's the closest I'd ever been to it. Why do people always think you're lying when you say you havent seen something that apparently erebody and their mama has? "I've never seen 'New Jack City'." "You've never seen 'New Jack City'?! (why do they always have to repeat the shit like it's just that absurd?)Are you serious?" "No kneegrow, I'm just making it all up because I have nothing better to do than lie about seeing this old ass movie." Ugh. So...
Louis Farakhan is amazing. Seriously. He was on CSPAN and he was talking about the whole Hurricane Katrina thing and he had me rollin! Emphasizing the fact that he'd gotten facts or quotes or had even read a book by a white man. I swear, Louis Farakhan is the shit! He was really making it known that "a Wuhite man..." was the culprit behind this quote or that. I was just amazed. I think I love Minister Louis Farakhan now. He follwed me from CSPAN to the Steve Harvey Morning Show today talking about the Million More March. I'd march...if I had some good shoes and some gotdayum notice about the shit. I just found out that the damn thing was tomorrow. Russell Simmons was on "Hardball with Chris Matthews" talking about it and some other race relations issues. Chris Matthews is an ass. He said he went to a PTA meeting with one of his kids and one of their teachers was black. Apparently back in his day if he had a black teacher, it'd be something to tell his parents about. WTF? Keep that stupid shit to yourself, Young, nobody wants to hear it. That just really made me angry. Then he tried to go on about how he was siding with most black folks on how if the victims of Hurricane Katrina were white then there'd be a bigger upset and backlash against Dubya. Like we need his vote of confidence to be validated in the truths of the matter. White folks be illin. Like we cant have independent thoughts, feelings, notions, conceptions, creations, ideals, LIVES without them feeling a need to validate it. To feel like they made us. They pulled us up by our bootstraps. News flash, assholes, this country was built on our backs. We built your economies. We raised your families. We kept you fed and clothed. Without us, your lazy asses would be extinct. You couldnt tame the Native Americans, so you forcibly removed us from our country and brought us somewhere foreign to forced us to adapt to your crooked ways. Yall owe us! Forget some damn taxes (I still pay mine, cause apparently, as black folks all we can be certain of is death and taxes)! Speaking of taxes....
FREE RON ISLEY!
Get off that man's back! If Willie Nelson's country ass could beat the tax man, Ron Isley deserves the same deal. I swear I'll riot! I'll disorganize every H&R Block I can find! I'mma be tossin papers and knockin pencils off desks and unpluggin computers and shit if he gets time. If he does go down, take Ruby Martin's ass with him. How the hell you wanna speak up about shit now when your ass was benefiting, but not say something when you had the change and shit was ill? Just like those adults who said they saw Michael Jackson do some foul shit to those kids, but didnt do anything. You just as guilty cause you didnt speak up. She needs to go down. ....friends. How many of us have them? Friends? Ones we can depend on? Friends. "Hey, shut up! I dont even like Whoodini!" (Next Friday)
That's it. This is long. I'm out like a muhfuckin scout, Young! Peeaaaccee!
**Side note: We just got the Steve Harvey Morning Show and now I'm conflicted! I dont know who to listen to in the morning. I have to go back and forth between him and the Tom Joyner Morning Show. Man, Tom's been waking my ass up for the past 7 years and I'm loyal, Young! Steve Harvey's just too damn funny in the morning. This fool said that God always gets you when you do something wrong--which is true--but he wanted to know why God had to get him back immediately. He said he stole a pack of cookies from the store and got all the way home and couldnt find his damn house keys. He had to call a locksmith to get him in the house. That pack of cookies, cost him 65 damn dollars. I love it. I'm faced with a dilemma, yall. Help a sista out!**