the breakdown of immaturity and disrespect is a slow battle
due to complete disrespect on the part of the ex, that would be Gray Ayer, I am now making all my entries related to him or my relationship friends only.
Thought I could trust him, I asked that he would give me space and not read the entries. Well, he did, but decided to tell the people in his life (father, his boss, our good friend, roomates, unknown people who like to post anonymously) the address to my l.j. so they can analyze my feelings online cause after all it is a public forum.
I do not have this online so that people can read a few randon thoughts about us that in no way accurately portray my feelings towards the relationship or him, and then make decisions about me or furthur the degadtion of me in their minds that was started by him. I do not write about us so that I will invite scrutiny or peoples judgement about my choices with gray and OUR relationship. I do not write about us to make my relationship with him a piece of public entertainment. I write to process my feelings, to create a partial documentmentary of the processes that I have gone through, to invite sympathy, connection, communication with people, known or unknown. The same reason I write about us in my zine, to connect to this world that isolates and oppresses us daily, to break through the bullshit and interact heart to heart. If people cannot respect or reciprocate this, then read what you want, feel what you want but I encourage DIALOG, a connection, a simple chance to be seen as I am, not to encourage the negative portrayal of me that my ex has made to who knows how many people in his life.
Please do not accept any portayals of MY feelings from him, he can never accurately portray my feelings, especially the ones about him. So if you want to hear my piece, than make a connection, don't be a spectator. I have and will never encourage people to dislike Gray, and have not or will never make the people in my/our lives choose sides. I do confide with friends about us and him, people do hear my negative thought about him, the CLOSE people, ones that I trust to make their own independant opinions of him outside of my oppinios. I actualy encourage people to stay in Gray's life, to remain friends and be supportive. I have always cared about his feelings, and taking space, not wanting to be a supportive role in his life does not counteract that.
I have to go to work, possibly to be continued...
Thought I could trust him, I asked that he would give me space and not read the entries. Well, he did, but decided to tell the people in his life (father, his boss, our good friend, roomates, unknown people who like to post anonymously) the address to my l.j. so they can analyze my feelings online cause after all it is a public forum.
I do not have this online so that people can read a few randon thoughts about us that in no way accurately portray my feelings towards the relationship or him, and then make decisions about me or furthur the degadtion of me in their minds that was started by him. I do not write about us so that I will invite scrutiny or peoples judgement about my choices with gray and OUR relationship. I do not write about us to make my relationship with him a piece of public entertainment. I write to process my feelings, to create a partial documentmentary of the processes that I have gone through, to invite sympathy, connection, communication with people, known or unknown. The same reason I write about us in my zine, to connect to this world that isolates and oppresses us daily, to break through the bullshit and interact heart to heart. If people cannot respect or reciprocate this, then read what you want, feel what you want but I encourage DIALOG, a connection, a simple chance to be seen as I am, not to encourage the negative portrayal of me that my ex has made to who knows how many people in his life.
Please do not accept any portayals of MY feelings from him, he can never accurately portray my feelings, especially the ones about him. So if you want to hear my piece, than make a connection, don't be a spectator. I have and will never encourage people to dislike Gray, and have not or will never make the people in my/our lives choose sides. I do confide with friends about us and him, people do hear my negative thought about him, the CLOSE people, ones that I trust to make their own independant opinions of him outside of my oppinios. I actualy encourage people to stay in Gray's life, to remain friends and be supportive. I have always cared about his feelings, and taking space, not wanting to be a supportive role in his life does not counteract that.
I have to go to work, possibly to be continued...