My way out <3
I just moved to a new city to live with my boyfriend, and I'm sure that I've gained at least 10lbs since I've been here (about 3 months). Its just that when I'm with him..I don't completely focus on food and weight. I'm just kind of normal. But then that has consequences, because now I've gained weight.
So because I moved, I'm without my Shy :( And that's one of the hardest things of all. Not because we were ana together and kept each other strong, but because I just miss my best friend! We went through everything together, but since I chose to move, it seems like she just doesn't like me much anymore. Sometimes we'll talk on msn or I'll receive the random text from her, but I just feel like she hates me because I left and now I've basically lost someone very special to me. But we're so much alike...we're practically the same person. So I have faith that this will be fixed one day.
On the upside I get to live with my boyfriend, which I love love love! He's amazing, truley. Obviously I want to kick him in the face sometimes, but I really love being here. And something thats really great is that he's totally supportive of my ana. Like..he doesn't push it or anything, but if I tell him that I dont want to eat or that I'm fasting or something, he's completely fine with it. I'm so lucky that my boyfriend doesn't think I'm crazy!
So I havn't been working since I got here, but I FINALLY found a job, and I start at the beginning of February, so I want to lose some weight before I start work. There's all these really pretty thin girls there (its a call centre), and I dont want to feel bad about myself when I'm there. I'm happy that i'll have money again, but also I eat so much when I'm lonely and bored, so I wont be bored anymore and its sooo easy to not eat when your busy working. I can get back on track with my weight, and buy stuff to help me, go tanning, work out, and hopefully make some friends at work. I'm really optimistic right now. I think that I'm due for a litte bit of good luck!!
Right now I'm drinking some green tea (speeds the metabolism) with lemon (burns calories). But when I was upstairs making the tea I saw banana bread, which I LOVEEE, and it smelled sooo yummy, but I resisted. But when my boyfriends mom made it, I told her how much I love banana bread and she was happy because no one else in the house eats it. So when I dont eat any she's going to notice and ask me why. Gah. Also the only meal I eat here is dinner, because she makes dinner for the whole family, and she'll probably notice if I dont take any. I'll try to only take a tiny amount of veggies or something, and skip it all together whenever I can. Maybe I'll just make my boyfriend eat the food that I take down to our room :)
Anyway! I'm going to make a really hard effort to write here way more often. I need to keep myself motivated.
So because I moved, I'm without my Shy :( And that's one of the hardest things of all. Not because we were ana together and kept each other strong, but because I just miss my best friend! We went through everything together, but since I chose to move, it seems like she just doesn't like me much anymore. Sometimes we'll talk on msn or I'll receive the random text from her, but I just feel like she hates me because I left and now I've basically lost someone very special to me. But we're so much alike...we're practically the same person. So I have faith that this will be fixed one day.
On the upside I get to live with my boyfriend, which I love love love! He's amazing, truley. Obviously I want to kick him in the face sometimes, but I really love being here. And something thats really great is that he's totally supportive of my ana. Like..he doesn't push it or anything, but if I tell him that I dont want to eat or that I'm fasting or something, he's completely fine with it. I'm so lucky that my boyfriend doesn't think I'm crazy!
So I havn't been working since I got here, but I FINALLY found a job, and I start at the beginning of February, so I want to lose some weight before I start work. There's all these really pretty thin girls there (its a call centre), and I dont want to feel bad about myself when I'm there. I'm happy that i'll have money again, but also I eat so much when I'm lonely and bored, so I wont be bored anymore and its sooo easy to not eat when your busy working. I can get back on track with my weight, and buy stuff to help me, go tanning, work out, and hopefully make some friends at work. I'm really optimistic right now. I think that I'm due for a litte bit of good luck!!
Right now I'm drinking some green tea (speeds the metabolism) with lemon (burns calories). But when I was upstairs making the tea I saw banana bread, which I LOVEEE, and it smelled sooo yummy, but I resisted. But when my boyfriends mom made it, I told her how much I love banana bread and she was happy because no one else in the house eats it. So when I dont eat any she's going to notice and ask me why. Gah. Also the only meal I eat here is dinner, because she makes dinner for the whole family, and she'll probably notice if I dont take any. I'll try to only take a tiny amount of veggies or something, and skip it all together whenever I can. Maybe I'll just make my boyfriend eat the food that I take down to our room :)
Anyway! I'm going to make a really hard effort to write here way more often. I need to keep myself motivated.