You're obsessed with him. It's not healthy. I don't think anything we can tell you will help; we're just a bunch of strangers on the Internet. I really, really think you need to talk to a qualified counselor or therapist.
To answer your questions:
Should you talk to her? No. There is no benefit that can come of it. You don't know what their relationship is like. He probably hasn't changed, he will probably abuse her like he's abusing you, but what of it? Had someone told you he was an abuser when you started dating, what would you have said? I doubt you'd have broken up with him over it.
Does he love her? Who knows? It doesn't really matter. If he's an abuser, he might not be capable of loving anyone. You want him to love you and he doesn't; indeed, he probably never did. Let it go.
Why her? Because he hunts in his office. It's where he looks for his meat. He treats his office like a private game reserve. He found you there, he found her there, if they break up he will probably find the next one there. Why wouldn't he? People do what works for them. Hunting in his office works for him.
Is this just to get back at you? No. He is not. Look at the rest of your post. You said "he is a sociopath." Sociopaths don't care what other people think. Sociopaths aren't even aware of other people's emotions. He isn't trying to get back at you because he doesn't care about you. He doesn't care about your feelings. That isn't how sociopaths work. And look at what else you said: "And a week later he was with this new girl he would not tell me about." And "I never even saw them interact all that much!" If he were trying to get back at you, he would flaunt it, rub your face in it. He isn't. Why? Because this is not about you. He doesn't care about you. He's already moved on.
Why would he go for someone who is just like you? He has a type.
What should you do? Talk to a qualified counselor or therapist. Let go of your attachment to him; it's clear you still want something from him. Find another partner.
Thank you. When I feel like I miss him, I re-read your comment and it makes a lot of sense. I know and can see myself that everything you said is true. But there's always the part of me that thinks of "maybe" "what if". Part of me wants us to stay friends so we still keep some kind of bond. But it's a stupid part of me and i wish I could discard it.
I didn't talk to her, but I did tell him I knew who the girlfriend was and he didn't care. He just said "you can believe whatever you want to believe." And he also said he never thought like he went too far (regarding the way he treated me when we were together). But now he doesn't talk to me at all, unless necessary for work reasons.
Right now there's no way I can quit this job. I'll never find a salary like this elsewhere, and I can't survive alone with minimum wage. It's just so hard to see how fast a relationship can go downhill. Right now the rational part of me wants to let go and never talk to him again, but the emotinal part doesn't want to =(
I don't know. I guess I don't imagine myself finding or wanting anyone else right now. But it's more like I want to believe that at some point he'll realize what he's done and that I've always been there for him, although he made it very clear himself that will never happen. And deep down I also know he never will.
But then I ask myself: If through some miracle he said he was sorry and wanted to be back with me, would I take him back with open arms or would I spit in his face and say fuck you? Of course I know which one is the right thing to do, but would I do it? I don't know. Not that it's ever gonna happen.
To answer your questions:
Should you talk to her? No. There is no benefit that can come of it. You don't know what their relationship is like. He probably hasn't changed, he will probably abuse her like he's abusing you, but what of it? Had someone told you he was an abuser when you started dating, what would you have said? I doubt you'd have broken up with him over it.
Does he love her? Who knows? It doesn't really matter. If he's an abuser, he might not be capable of loving anyone. You want him to love you and he doesn't; indeed, he probably never did. Let it go.
Why her? Because he hunts in his office. It's where he looks for his meat. He treats his office like a private game reserve. He found you there, he found her there, if they break up he will probably find the next one there. Why wouldn't he? People do what works for them. Hunting in his office works for him.
Is this just to get back at you? No. He is not. Look at the rest of your post. You said "he is a sociopath." Sociopaths don't care what other people think. Sociopaths aren't even aware of other people's emotions. He isn't trying to get back at you because he doesn't care about you. He doesn't care about your feelings. That isn't how sociopaths work. And look at what else you said: "And a week later he was with this new girl he would not tell me about." And "I never even saw them interact all that much!" If he were trying to get back at you, he would flaunt it, rub your face in it. He isn't. Why? Because this is not about you. He doesn't care about you. He's already moved on.
Why would he go for someone who is just like you? He has a type.
What should you do? Talk to a qualified counselor or therapist. Let go of your attachment to him; it's clear you still want something from him. Find another partner.
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I didn't talk to her, but I did tell him I knew who the girlfriend was and he didn't care. He just said "you can believe whatever you want to believe." And he also said he never thought like he went too far (regarding the way he treated me when we were together). But now he doesn't talk to me at all, unless necessary for work reasons.
Right now there's no way I can quit this job. I'll never find a salary like this elsewhere, and I can't survive alone with minimum wage. It's just so hard to see how fast a relationship can go downhill. Right now the rational part of me wants to let go and never talk to him again, but the emotinal part doesn't want to =(
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But it's more like I want to believe that at some point he'll realize what he's done and that I've always been there for him, although he made it very clear himself that will never happen. And deep down I also know he never will.
But then I ask myself: If through some miracle he said he was sorry and wanted to be back with me, would I take him back with open arms or would I spit in his face and say fuck you?
Of course I know which one is the right thing to do, but would I do it? I don't know. Not that it's ever gonna happen.
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