a year ago...

[love_x_lies]

a year ago today i lost a part of me. It was one of the worst days of my life. i can remember the whole day as if i were playing it back on a video camara. i remember having to wake up early because i had an early hair appointment. i got brown and blonde in my hair and i liked it. when i got home i went up tarah's house n all day we just sat around i guess, nothing signifigant. about hmm 5 3o tarah n karli wanted to go to the mall. so i called shaun asking what he was doing. i couldn't get a hold of him, he was at tony's house so i called there. shaun tony jon n tony's little brother were out jumping on the trampoline. i was talking to shaun for alittle then he was being dumb so tony started talking. they said they would call back n they didn;t so i did. by this point i was mad. tony said they were going to a carnival n they wanted me to go. they said they would acll em back n never did. at 73o i was watching that's so raven. by the time it was 8oo tarah n karli weremadd and left me and shaun never called. i called back, no one answered, i thought they left without me. i walked up the street, saw nick tommy n joey n them. i decided to talk to joey, he always helped me. i started crying. like bad. it was bad. lol everyone wanted to beat up shaun, well they never liked him in the first place..but anyhoo. i got myself really upset. i wanted to talk to someone so bad. i called everyone. at one point i called beka but that didn;t help. tarah n karli wouldn;t answer their cell phones n finally kar did after i called 800 times. they called me from a pay phone, i was crying so so so bad. i don't think i ever cried so bad. when they finally got home they got right on the internet and started talking to shaun. they call me like 10 min later, and they already got him mad. then when i ran up taarh's with my *babi snooks*. i started talking n he was over jon's house. tony jon n him were there. we talked n argued and i said something that made him flip out but he just interpretted it the wrong way. after fighting for like an hour it ended. it all just went so fast and it all hurt so bad. i called tony crying for like 200 hours. tommy was talking to me, arah n karli. i was so so so upset.i remember throwing babi snooks behind the conch, but then i felt bad. i barely slept, always tired, couldnt eat for almost 2 weeks, lost like five pounds n i was devastated.

now that i look at it, i never realized how muc happened that i could have controled. it kills me because i could have stopped it. but i didn't...it took away a part of.

\\besides that// this weekend was ok. dance..mall that night, i saw shaun's hair, it looks pretty. saturady shopping with kar n mommy, i got my new dance shoes. saturday night beka kar n i went to see mean girls. haha that was a great movie. sunday back to the city. that night had dance pictures. i hope they are pretty. today school, boring day. everyone thought i was really upset, but i wasn't that was weird. a lot of thinking today. feeling a little pain.