fuck the pain away
My mind's everywhere these days. Can't quite word it. And I don't exactly have time, since I still don't have internet at my place. We were supposed to get our phone today, but it's not on yet. My mattress too. Fuck the starving kids in africa, I don't have a phone, internet OR a place to sleep tonight. Give me your money.
I'm kind of looking foreward to school starting, but kind of enjoying just bumming around my house. I got my room all pretty today. Made curtains. Hooked up my Brian Kinney imitation lighting. It was kind of fun. Who needs school when you have a drill and a pretty room? Starting to get antsy about this sublet business...I should really start talking to people again. But I can't really make myself care right now.
There are couples EVERYWHERE these days! Has anyone noticed? Like...really...everyone I see is either holding hands or kissing. It makes me wonder how many are in love and how many just don't want to be alone. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything...i really don't....but if everyone's in relationships these days how am I going to find any single guys??? It is becoming a serious problem.
I was rummaging through my bookshelves before moving here and I found The Book of Nothing, a zen meditation book I'd bought for Alan a few years ago. Inside I wrote something cheesy like 'I won't be around this Christmas but I'll still love you' and one of the meditations. Let life be. Do not will it to go faster or slower, but enjoy the journey. I think in all my years, with all the advice I didn't follow and all the people I didn't listen to, this is the one thing I actually got good at.
And it made me think of my new favorite song: (because everything makes you think of your favorite song)
You always stole all my last words. Here's no exception then, one more for me to send. And nothing happens in the end. I'm thinking of you less, more concerned... and more is less, I guess it doesn't matter now. Maybe we'll never go insane. You always said we would, sometimes I wished we could with you lying naked in the rain and singing Boney M, cutting down all our old friends. I talk to them again now. So here's the last one I have left. We fell a little deep, I watched you fall asleep. And nothing happens in the end, but I remember when I could remember when. Seems like a long time ago.
I'm kind of looking foreward to school starting, but kind of enjoying just bumming around my house. I got my room all pretty today. Made curtains. Hooked up my Brian Kinney imitation lighting. It was kind of fun. Who needs school when you have a drill and a pretty room? Starting to get antsy about this sublet business...I should really start talking to people again. But I can't really make myself care right now.
There are couples EVERYWHERE these days! Has anyone noticed? Like...really...everyone I see is either holding hands or kissing. It makes me wonder how many are in love and how many just don't want to be alone. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything...i really don't....but if everyone's in relationships these days how am I going to find any single guys??? It is becoming a serious problem.
I was rummaging through my bookshelves before moving here and I found The Book of Nothing, a zen meditation book I'd bought for Alan a few years ago. Inside I wrote something cheesy like 'I won't be around this Christmas but I'll still love you' and one of the meditations. Let life be. Do not will it to go faster or slower, but enjoy the journey. I think in all my years, with all the advice I didn't follow and all the people I didn't listen to, this is the one thing I actually got good at.
And it made me think of my new favorite song: (because everything makes you think of your favorite song)
You always stole all my last words. Here's no exception then, one more for me to send. And nothing happens in the end. I'm thinking of you less, more concerned... and more is less, I guess it doesn't matter now. Maybe we'll never go insane. You always said we would, sometimes I wished we could with you lying naked in the rain and singing Boney M, cutting down all our old friends. I talk to them again now. So here's the last one I have left. We fell a little deep, I watched you fall asleep. And nothing happens in the end, but I remember when I could remember when. Seems like a long time ago.