lost
I feel like I'm floating at sea now. Drowning, perhaps. In a sea of emotions. I have not stopped crying in more than a week now. Each day I wake up hoping against hope and each night I pray that everything'll turn out alright before I sleep. Praying for hope, praying for faith. And yet, being so angry, so so angry, at the God whom I pray too.
It seems almost like a cruel joke. All my life, I've been asserting that I'll NEVER go ahead with a LDR. Never. Note the absolute term. And yet, now I have to, don't I? I'd give up anything for him, but I have to continue at Curtin Perth. Because. This is going to be so difficult I can't even begin to imagine how hard it will be. Currently every little thing opens the faucets of hell so I really don't know what I'm gonna do.
I really wish I can be strong, to say that we should cherish every moment we have together before I have to leave again but I can't. I say it but I can't bring myself to mean it and we just spend so much time crying together while the clock ticks away. Before coming back, before the bomb fell cruelly on my relationship, I kept saying that summer break is hell long. I mean, it's nearly four months. But now I wish it'll never end, cos I dread going back to Perth without him. Curtin Singapore has the most screwed up trimesters ever. Assuming I'm back in Singapore on 5 November 2012 as I was 2011, that's the first day of his 3rd trimester. Who the hell has trimesters anyway?! Only pregnant women do. Screw you Curtin Singapore. For being an alternative.
Everyone keeps feeding me the bullshit that LDRs are not a problem these days with the wonderful advanced technology of the modern society and their evil spawn named Skype and Whatsapp respectively. But technology does not come without flaws. And those two programs are hell unreliable. We tried it for five days when I came back to SIngapore before he did and those were the most frustrating five days ever. Also the five days during which my Macpie was the most abused by me. Verbally. Imagine those five days multiplied by weeks into months. I can't even come back during winter so that's a whole year.
Now I just have to find something to block out the pain.
It seems almost like a cruel joke. All my life, I've been asserting that I'll NEVER go ahead with a LDR. Never. Note the absolute term. And yet, now I have to, don't I? I'd give up anything for him, but I have to continue at Curtin Perth. Because. This is going to be so difficult I can't even begin to imagine how hard it will be. Currently every little thing opens the faucets of hell so I really don't know what I'm gonna do.
I really wish I can be strong, to say that we should cherish every moment we have together before I have to leave again but I can't. I say it but I can't bring myself to mean it and we just spend so much time crying together while the clock ticks away. Before coming back, before the bomb fell cruelly on my relationship, I kept saying that summer break is hell long. I mean, it's nearly four months. But now I wish it'll never end, cos I dread going back to Perth without him. Curtin Singapore has the most screwed up trimesters ever. Assuming I'm back in Singapore on 5 November 2012 as I was 2011, that's the first day of his 3rd trimester. Who the hell has trimesters anyway?! Only pregnant women do. Screw you Curtin Singapore. For being an alternative.
Everyone keeps feeding me the bullshit that LDRs are not a problem these days with the wonderful advanced technology of the modern society and their evil spawn named Skype and Whatsapp respectively. But technology does not come without flaws. And those two programs are hell unreliable. We tried it for five days when I came back to SIngapore before he did and those were the most frustrating five days ever. Also the five days during which my Macpie was the most abused by me. Verbally. Imagine those five days multiplied by weeks into months. I can't even come back during winter so that's a whole year.
Now I just have to find something to block out the pain.