Just when I think things are going to get better, the ass hole fucks it all up

Dec 20, 2004 20:09

Mondays suck ass.
The ass hole woke me up at 6 am today.
He came in my room, and I heard him coming and I flinched, but he just poured water on me.
I really didn't want to see him. --he RUINED my day.
He did more yelling,
and I made myself sick.
I was so mad.
I just wanted to get in my car and drive it full speed into a telephone pole.
But, I am not allowed to drive my car.

So, I wanted to get to school early, and my mom had to bring me, so I went out and sat in the car at like 7 am, and she didn't come outside until like 7:24 am. I dunno, I guess I thought if I sat there long enough she would leave when I was ready. Whatever. The car ride was silent. I was surprised she didn't mention anything about my grades. Maybe she just thought that my dad had already yelled enough. Who knows, but I am glad she didn't say anything because I hate yelling at my mom.

So I got to school on time, and went to guidance, and Shofner wasn't there yet, so I went to English. The fish wrapper was something about why did Henry tie his shoe? And I was just in such a bad mood that I didn't even want to try, I just wrote "I don't care about Henry or his stupid shoe." Thats another F to add to the list. Mr. Forssen read it, and then came over to me and asked if there was anything he could do, or if I needed to go somewhere; he could tell that I was upset about something, but I just said no and tried not to cry. --That didn't work too well. Like less than a minute later I had to get up and leave. At first I just stood in the hallway leaning against the wall, but there were too many people walking by and asking what was wrong, so I just went up to guidance. Miss Shofner still wasn't there, and in a way I am glad because I wouldn't have been able to hold it together to talk with her if she was.

So, still crying, I just walked around the hallways of Traip trying to calm down, and I headed up stairs and went into Mich's room because I knew he just had IS kids in there and I just needed to be around people in a non-learning environment. I guess Justin and Sully are auctioning themeselves off this Friday...too damn bad I don't have a lot of money. : /

So after like 20 minutes, a little after 8 am, I felt well enough to go back to guidance to try to talk with Miss Shofner once again. She was there this time, and it was helpful. I asked her to tell my parents about everything, because whenever I try, they never listen, or totally miss my point, or I just can't say anything about it at all. She said she would, but there were somethings she couldn't say, as she would be out of place. She said she would just imply that by what she had heard from my friends and I in group, and judging by the way my eyes tear up anytime her not being home is mentioned, it seems as though my mother working all the time was causing me to feel bad, and the life around home with my dad isn't helping much either, and just imply that there is an overall concern. She said she would talk to my teachers about whatever, just to get more information on behavior and such, but would pretty much just leave grades out of the whole situation for now.

Talking with Miss Shofner made me feel a little better, and I went back to English. I was still in kind of a bad mood, but whatever. Sarah passed me a little note, and that made me smile. : ) I <3 friends. They are the only ones that keep me sane. English ended like 15 minutes early, so Holly and I went down to the cafe, but before I left, Forssen kinda took me aside and asked me if this was fixable. I told him no, and right now I really believe it. At the end of last week, I really thought I could make it better for myself, and I really was going to try, but that all blew to hell and I give up again.

So, debate sucked. I hate Landers. And Kyle just doesn't understand and it frustrates me to no end. UGH.

Marquis had a stick up his ass in Chem, or so it seemed like to me. UGH. I didn't really do the lab, I kind of just colored in the boxes, and copied the info from Dylan. All well.

USH was boring. I got a 86 on the test, but did the fix your answers thing to get 10 extra points, so I wound up getting a 96. Hot dog. highlight of my day. Thank goodness for my abilty to BS essays.

I should also mention that I looked like a complete scrub today.

Devon gave me a ride home because I begged. He listens to country --ewe. But I was so thankful I didn't have to take the faggin' waggin'. <3 thanks kid. I owe you.

I also need to say that I hate snow. It sucks that school was not delayed nor canceled today. I really wanted a snow day. I hate school.

My dad came home early. I hate him. He asked me again if I could explain my grades, and I told him no. He doesn't understand either. He is such an ASSHOLE. UGH! I feel like crying just writing about it.

I did my homework though. I don't know why? But it makes me feel a little better.
I did my homework for me, not to raise my grade so that A-Hole isn't embarrased about having an idiot for a daughter. UGH!

I hate that people don't understand why I am doing so badly in school. I can't explain it, and if I try, they tell me get over it. I just can't. I have been put down so many times that I have no motivation or desire to do anything anymore. And it sucks. I want to feel normal again.

I am going to go babysit in a little while. which is good, because I need money, and I need to get out of my house away from him even more.
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