To do before I go back to school:
- go to seabreeze
- go skinny dipping
- drink bellini with the girls
- buy sports bras and other necsessaries (trip to henrietta)
- clean room
- finish hawa's mix cd
- see cobblestoners
- go to Ithaca (?)
- further master the art of bike riding
- make an impression so they can't forget me while I'm away
- convince myself that I going back to purchase is truely the right decision
It's not that I don't want to go back, but I'm not ready yet. It feels as though I'm just getting in the swing of things here. I'm comfortable, I'm confident, I'm losing weight! Now I have to go back to school, where the people just mostly arn't as good. Rochester is an amazing city with a lot of amazing people in it. There are wonderful people at Purchase who I am looking forward to seeing, but there are so many more here. I have nutured these relationships for years, and I'm sure I could create similar relationships at school, but sometimes I wonder why I should bother when it seems so much better to keep what I have. Not that I lose it when I go away, but I don't get to enjoy as much the fruits of my labor. Amazing things are happening here, and I can just show up and be a part of them. I have to go find the amazing things at Purchase, because so far, they arn't anywhere near as extraordinary as here. I don't think I have the drive or the energy to start an SDS chapter of my own at Purchase. I was counting on Shenzi, but now Shenzi is making the bold choice; he's banking on Rochester. I'm banking on me, he's banking on Rochester. The pressure isn't on him to create his own world, because there is one ready made here that just needs some tweaking. But I come home from school a stronger person, a better person who is more aware of herself. That's important, but it's hard. Really hard, and scary. I am now choosing the winding path, and one that is far away from the path's that I know. I'm fucking terrified. I now know that I am a brave person. I learned to ride a bike a week ago, and yesterday I rode on Monroe ave! Today I drove a stick shift all over town. I climed a building this summer, and followed my head, not my heart. But the summer is endless when you're in it, and you don't have to worry about the future until it's over. Summer is two weeks from over, and soon I'll have to go back to the real world. I'm not ready.