Fic: Coulson, Loki
Title: When Loki met Coulson
Rating: Pg-13
Warnings: ugh...slash? crack....
Pairing: Loki/Coulson
Summary: norsekink prompt , Yes, he gets off on his brother's size, and yes, power arouses. Whips and chains are occasionally exciting. But Loki's bulletproof kink is and always will be competence. He will have Coulson, even if he has to personally lock the Avengers into a padded room to keep them from distracting his conquest.
Loki was sure that it wasn't suppose to happen!
However, he couldn't help it when he saw the man jump over a fence, run down a block, while zig zagging away from the huge, fire spitting, pink pony in order to get to Iron Man, even though Loki was sure that no one would miss that particular avenger.
Maybe it was the stern look, and the eyes that held such determination and…..probably Loki listening in to the agent shoot out regulations and efficiently rebooting the fallen avenger, that made Loki become interested.
The fact that the agent looked sexy all red and out of breathe was a bonus and came later on when Loki finally realized that he was doing things to be able to see the agent on the field.
After that time, Loki started noticing the Agent more and more. He was suddenly everywhere the Avengers were.
It was like he was their personal maid or something.
Loki did not want to admit it to himself that he had a sort of crush on the agent, but he had to the moment he began thinking that maybe Thor could tell him more about this agent, as well as the fact that he knew the agent's name was Phil Coulson and he referred to him as such in his mind.
Loki got over that surprising revelation in minutes, before heading straight on to planning on how to gain said crush's attention.
He didn't want to ask Thor, because he did not want to deal with the questions. Honestly, wasn't there someone out there who would give him information without anything in return? That is when he thought of a great idea! That Captain America seemed like a sweetheart, definitely not Loki's type, but he was nice enough to do a favor for someone. However, he would probably spread it around that Loki was asking questions….that wouldn't be good.
Whatever, there was nothing wrong with a straight on assault, and so Loki began to appear near Coulson all the time.
Coulson was getting coffee at the Starbucks, Loki was there.
Coulson was getting out of his car, Loki was opening the door.
Coulson was hungry, Loki would appear with food.
Coulson through all of this, remained calm.
When Loki appeared at the Starbucks, he would just sit and read his newspaper in silence, allowing for Loki to stare at him all he wanted.
When Loki opened the door for him, Coulson thanked him.
When Loki showed up with food, Coulson would gladly take it and silently invite him to sit with him.
Coulson remained calm and quiet most of the time, answering questions that Loki asked him.
Living with the Avengers pretty much meant that weird things happened to him all the time, and he didn't mind that Loki was following him around. It meant he was not getting into trouble.
So, when Loki would ask him things like,
"Who is your favorite avenger?"
"Is my brother annoying?"
"Boxers or briefs?"
"Do Tony Stark and Steve Rogers really screw each other?"
"Are Black Widow's breast real?"
"Do you like handcuffs during sex?"
"How come Fury only have one eye?"
Coulson would calmly reply,
"Steve Rogers, he is the only one who allows me to debrief him."
"Your brother can get a bit intense but he means well."
"Boxers."
"I have not seen it and I do not want to."
"Yes, they are."
"Never tried them."
"I don't know."
Loki was ecstatic that he was getting to know Coulson and that the other was giving him a chance. Obviously, he hadn't said anything about liking him, but he wasn't screaming and running for the hills. He also hadn't told the avengers about it, he was sure of it.
BECAUSE he only got to spend five minutes with Coulson before the avengers had a crisis and needed him.
He had been stalking Coulson for a month already, and he had only spent a total of 3 hours…in a month!!
How did they expect Coulson to warm up to him and for them to get to the exciting part of a relationship if the team was so incompetent!
Loki couldn't believe that the so called superheroes needed HIS Coulson there for every single thing.
Loki was not happy to have them take Coulson's time….ALL THE TIME.
Loki had to do something about this if he ever wanted to get with Coulson.
There had to be some rules about work and he had to let the Avengers know that Coulson was his now.
It was for this reason that Loki texted Coulson, who did not question how he got his number, if he wanted to meet at the park.
Coulson agreed, and no Loki did not hold his breath and he did not spend two hours figuring what to say on the text he sent Coulson.
He also did not stared at his phone impatiently, waiting for Coulson to respond.
Coulson was thankful for a break. He loved his job, but it was a hassle and he was starting to enjoy Loki's company. It was not stressing like his work environment. Honestly, he just had to do some paperwork and clean up another one of Stark's messes!!
He made his way to the park and looked around, before feeling the tingling presence that alerted him to Loki's presence. Coulson wasn't sure if Loki gave a signal on purpose, so Coulson would know he was there. Coulson would like to think so.
"Phil! You made it!" Loki cheered inside to himself, because of course he was not worried that Phil would not come. Wait, was he allowed to call Coulson, Phil now? I mean, they had been seeing each other for a month now, even if it just added to 3 hours. The agent always called him Loki, though, what else would the other call him?
"A bit late, but yes, of course I am here. Better than spending another minute working on my paperwork. Even if it would only be for a few minutes before I am called back to work." Coulson frowned, but Loki just smirked and wrapped an arm around Phil's shoulders, leading him away.
"I am sure we'll have more time to hang out this time around. Now I have the whole day all planned out!" Loki stated, because he had. So maybe he had looked into some books about relationships and dating….and maybe he had bought some tickets to watch some movie and then have dinner….which if the book was right, may lead to Loki staying at Coulson's place! If it did not work, Loki would make sure the author of the book paid…..and oh would the author pay.
"What did you do Loki?" Coulson asked with a raised eyebrow, though he didn't protest Loki's arm around him. He didn't mind it at all really, since they had been seeing each other for a month now, hadn't they? Coulson shrugged it off and decided to just go with whatever was happening.
"Nothing, me? You wound me my dear Phil, now come on, I heard this movie is supposed to be good, called Don't be Afraid of the Dark." Loki stated, quickly shifting and taking Phil's hand in his.
"That is not a good idea, I cannot turn my cell phone off." Coulson pointed out, but he couldn't keep his amusement from his eyes.
"If my brother needs someone to spoon feed him, I'm sure he can find someone else to do it for him." Loki rolled his eyes, causing Coulson to chuckled.
Coulson could easily say no and go back to work. He could easily break away and put a stop to all of this…whatever this was.
He didn't want to. He was enjoying himself.
Meanwhile, the Avengers were finding themselves stuck, literally.
Tony was stuck to his chair, unable to get up and unable to make his chair move.
Thor had been sparring with Hawkeye when suddenly he found himself stuck to the floor, face first, with Hawkeye straddling him, unable to get off of him.
Natasha had been brushing her hair when Loki decided to glue her down, because he actually liked her.
Steve Rogers was glued to his bed, completely naked, because Loki thought the other was too boring.
And none of them could reach their phones or their communicators to call Coulson. They were stuck and they knew Loki was to blame.
Coulson was their only hope, but he didn't show up at all.
Nope, instead Phil Coulson was on his date with Loki, and enjoying himself.
The next morning, Coulson walked into the headquarters, humming very softly to himself.
He had had a marvelous night and it had been worth whatever trouble he would get.
Coulson was also excited to see how Loki had managed to stop the avengers from texting him.
When he saw Tony, on the ground, without any underwear, a chair toppled over, Coulson figured that he would have to give Loki a reward.
He took a picture while Tony yelled obscenities.
He sent a text to Loki, telling him that: 'Tony was mad and that next time he wanted to play a trick on Tony, he should silence him, oh, but please release him'
He then found Thor and Hawkeye, limbs intertwined, clothes ripped.
"It is not what it looks like Boss." Hawkeye gritted.
"Of course it is not…." Coulson muttered under his breath, before texting Loki.
'did you know your brother and Hawkeye are together? they sure are in a very compromising position…without clothes….please unstuck them and put some clothes on them, please'
Natasha was next, but she seemed normal enough.
She had been unstuck by late that night and decided to go to bed. After snapping some pictures of the others of course.
She cackled evilly before leaving headquarters to print the photos.
The last person that Coulson found was Steve, completely naked in his room.
"I can't find any clothes or anything to use as clothes."
Steve was pouting and tearing up and Coulson felt bad.
'That was really cruel to do to Steve, you know how sensitive he is.'
After everyone was unstuck, and clothed, and showered and just had time to get over their trauma, they all had a meeting.
In which a mass text was received by them.
'Hello Avengers, and Brother, and Phil <3, just wanted to let you avengers know that from now on, unless you are dying you are not allowed to contact Phil when he is out with me, much love from your resident trickster god!'
"Wait, so Coulson is going out with Loki?"
At that moment, Coulson's phone rang.
"Loki, I am in a meeting."
"I know, but I know you rather be with me so let me snap you over here."
Coulson looked over at the Avengers, their confused and annoyed faces and decided well…
"Ok."
With that said, Coulson disappeared from the meeting room and into Loki's living room.
"Well, that went well! Now let's cuddle!" Loki stated, dragging Coulson over to the sofa.
Coulson sighed and snuggled into the other's side.
This was nice and worth it all.