PUSH
Isn't it beautiful how songs can tell your story perfectly? It seems that people have this thing for pain. I know I have an affinity for it but I'm not used to people being able to use that against me. There is a reason I'm blue/black. Meet my guild and revel in it's oddity if you want, but I still like it.
Anyway, so I've just found that pride gets you hurt in so many ways. Oddly enough it gave me more of a reason to cling to it. It really sucks when you realize that you're not as invincible and calculated as you would like to think. I was dumb enough to think that I would be ok if every thing I felt and thought was so perfectly calculated. I couldn't get hurt if I knew exactly what was going on, what every consequence was, and if I could control it all. Not necessarily what happened to other people but everything that happened to me, everything I felt. I had it under control, I could do anything. I was happy and then I was knocked over, set off balance by someone, not even an idea, a fucking person! I have never been one to be shaken. I've had people die on me and can watch them have their faces blown off with a point blank shot. I had no weakness. I had my chance to love and instead I was too busy calculating whether it was worth it and what fucking opportunity I could take from this to build my wall. Maybe it will come back but I doubt it, I had my chance and I blew it. I guess this is where I throw in the songs that have been following me lately.
Doesn't this crazy world just make you want to scream 'Damn'? 'Drops of Jupiter' AMV with Fay and 'Great Pretender' AMV for Kyo have made me cry recently. 'Stairway to heaven' I've been told shows my cold calculated side. 'Had a bad day' by Daniel Powter is a conversation that I would have with a close friend of mine. 'She will be loved' reminds me that although the chance I had is not there anymore, he still cares and would help.
"I'm sorry about the attitude I need to give when I'm with you, but no one else will take this shit from me" Long Day - Matchbox 20
"She said I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough
I’m a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved
By a hand that’s touched me, well I feel like something’s gonna give
And I’m a little bit angry, well
This ain’t over, no not here, not while I still need you around
You don’t owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good
She said I don’t know why you ever would lie to me
Like I’m a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
And I don’t know why you couldn’t just stay with me
You couldn’t stand to be near me
When my face don’t seem to want to shine
Because it’s a little bit dirty well
Don’t just stand there, say nice things to me
I’ve been cheated I’ve been wronged,
And you you don’t know me, I can’t change
I won’t do anything at all" - Push - Matchbox 20
Would it be so bad if it worked out? Why was I so afraid that it might have made me feel better?
Anyway, so I've just found that pride gets you hurt in so many ways. Oddly enough it gave me more of a reason to cling to it. It really sucks when you realize that you're not as invincible and calculated as you would like to think. I was dumb enough to think that I would be ok if every thing I felt and thought was so perfectly calculated. I couldn't get hurt if I knew exactly what was going on, what every consequence was, and if I could control it all. Not necessarily what happened to other people but everything that happened to me, everything I felt. I had it under control, I could do anything. I was happy and then I was knocked over, set off balance by someone, not even an idea, a fucking person! I have never been one to be shaken. I've had people die on me and can watch them have their faces blown off with a point blank shot. I had no weakness. I had my chance to love and instead I was too busy calculating whether it was worth it and what fucking opportunity I could take from this to build my wall. Maybe it will come back but I doubt it, I had my chance and I blew it. I guess this is where I throw in the songs that have been following me lately.
Doesn't this crazy world just make you want to scream 'Damn'? 'Drops of Jupiter' AMV with Fay and 'Great Pretender' AMV for Kyo have made me cry recently. 'Stairway to heaven' I've been told shows my cold calculated side. 'Had a bad day' by Daniel Powter is a conversation that I would have with a close friend of mine. 'She will be loved' reminds me that although the chance I had is not there anymore, he still cares and would help.
"I'm sorry about the attitude I need to give when I'm with you, but no one else will take this shit from me" Long Day - Matchbox 20
"She said I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough
I’m a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved
By a hand that’s touched me, well I feel like something’s gonna give
And I’m a little bit angry, well
This ain’t over, no not here, not while I still need you around
You don’t owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good
She said I don’t know why you ever would lie to me
Like I’m a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
And I don’t know why you couldn’t just stay with me
You couldn’t stand to be near me
When my face don’t seem to want to shine
Because it’s a little bit dirty well
Don’t just stand there, say nice things to me
I’ve been cheated I’ve been wronged,
And you you don’t know me, I can’t change
I won’t do anything at all" - Push - Matchbox 20
Would it be so bad if it worked out? Why was I so afraid that it might have made me feel better?