stay positive.
I am forcing myself to sit down and write because it is the only thing that I can do right now to keep myself from going completely insane. I hate it when I have too much time to thing because it often leads me into panic/anxiety attacks. Knowing that in about 13 hours, I will be going all the way back to Philadelphia alone scares the shit out of me. It isn't that big of a deal, it just makes me really nervous because I was such a wreck before I left. Honestly, I am so fucking ready for this summer to be over and for me to have only studying to worry about all the time. I also really need to move into my new apartment ASAP, although it is not going to happen until the middle of August. Just the anticipation of everything is enough to drive me completely mad. I am afraid of being alone again. I do not know why I have such problems with these things, but I do. I hope that I am fine and keep myself pre-occupied while I am back. I mean I do have a full-time job starting on Wednesday, so it should be OK. At least my best friend is coming to pick me up on Friday to go to her house for the weekend. THANK GOD. I don't even know what I would have done if she hadn't. I've also been thinking and I can go to the gym and maybe even parties or something if I get desperately lonely. Even writing this makes me feel better because I need to make myself have a positive perspective. The library is also open until 2am, so if I am really a nervous wreck I can stay there all night and do research or something. Things will be okay after all. I just need to make it through all of this and force myself to be an independent person. Maybe if I had a boyfriend, it would be easier. I dream of the day when I live with him and never have to be alone again :(
xo.
xo.