fic: Don't Take It Back
Title: Don't Take It Back
Author: lovablelexie
Rating: R or NC17, you be the judge
Pairing: Lea/Dianna
Summary: Dianna decides to come out in an unconventional way. The next day she is forced to take it all back. My take on the Likes Girls incident.
Disclaimer: This is a total piece of fiction, I own nothing and no one involved
Word Count: 4,646
A/N: So this idea hit me on Thursday afternoon at work and wouldn't let go. Unlike most of my stories it is not centered around the smut (although I had to throw some in!) Enjoy!
“Don’t talk to me.” Lea spat the words as she packed her bag for Detroit. She hated living out of a suitcase, one of the many downsides to being on tour. She did not do well with confinement and this included her attitude toward her possessions. Every time they stepped off the plane she began throwing her clothes and makeup everywhere, either on the tour bus or in the hotel room. This made it so she had to repack almost every day and today she was angrily shoving things into her bag.
“Lea please. Let me-“
“Let you what?” She asked icily.
“Explain,” the blonde said sadly.
“Explain what? How we were so close to the moment we have been hoping for for two years and we are now back at square one? How you made the biggest statement of your life and then retracted it? No, there’s nothing to explain.”
“But my manager-“
“Fuck him! When are you going to stop letting other people decide how you live your life? What happened to what you said last night, ‘I love you Lea. I’m tired of hiding?’”
***
It was their second show in Toronto and backstage Dianna seemed exceptionally nervous. They had done so many of these shows by now that Lea could not figure out why her girlfriend would be so fidgety. She walked up behind the blonde and put her hands on her shoulders. “What’s on your mind lady?”
Dianna took a deep breath and responded, “I might have stolen something from the merch people.”
Lea couldn’t help but let out a laugh. “You stole Glee merch? Why? Or better yet, what did you take?” Personally she was hoping it was the big foam finger because that image was just too funny.
“It’s over by our costumes for the Born This Way number.” Dianna tilted her head toward the racks of clothing as if Lea didn’t know to where she was referring.
The tiny singer bounced over to the silver racks and shifted through the white t-shirts seeing the usual bold black script on each one. Then, next to Chris’ “Likes Boys” shirt was one that no one in the cast had ever worn. One that clearly stated “Likes Girls.” Her heart in her throat she turned around and faced her girlfriend wide eyed.
“Di, what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to wear it,” she replied matter-of-factly.
“On stage?”
“Where else?”
Lea couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Throughout the entirety of their relationship Dianna was the one who had been afraid to come out. Lea had steadfastly remained in the closet with her girlfriend afraid that her own coming out would immediately shine the spotlight on Dianna. Anytime she brought up the topic Dianna would change the subject or insist that the timing wasn’t right, not while they were still on Glee, not until she got a leading role of her own, not now. It was always “not now” and Lea tried not to push but sometimes it got to be too much. She was heed over heels in love and wanted the world to know. She was tired of living a lie by omission and now, finally, it appeared that Dianna was tired of it as well.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Lea asked nervously.
“I do. They tell us we can’t hold hands after we’ve done our best to not act like a couple while we’re in public? Fuck it, I’m done with the lies. I just want to be me. I love you Lea. I’m tired of hiding.”
Lea felt tears prick at her eyes but she pushed them back, it was almost time for them to take the stage and she couldn’t risk ruining her makeup. But she did pull Dianna into a tight hug and said, “I love you Dianna. You’re so brave for doing this.”
***
As the show went on, Lea could only imagine how nervous Dianna was because she herself was a wreck. While she changed into her black and white dress for “Firework” and the rest of her cast mates put on their Born This Way t-shirts she eyed Dianna and gave her a reassuring smile. The blonde smiled back as if to say, “No turning back now. It’s time.”
As soon as she was offstage and heard the first notes of the pop song leave Lea’s lips, Dianna felt a huge weight lift from her shoulders. She had done it. She had, for all intents and purposes, come out without saying a word. Now she couldn’t wait for this show to be over so she and Lea could properly celebrate.
They didn’t hold hands during Somebody to Love but only because they knew that would be too much for one concert. No one in the cast said anything to Dianna about her “statement.” It was as if they were already afraid of the firestorm that was to come from the higher-ups and didn’t want to get involved.
Dianna didn’t care about any of the repercussions that may possibly come from her bosses. In this moment all she could think about was getting Lea alone so they could celebrate. And if the eyebrow raise she received from Lea was any indication, her girlfriend was thinking the same thing. She grabbed her cell phone and powered off the device and gave Lea a big smile. “Nothing is going to interrupt us. Tonight you’re all mine.”
Neither woman could contain herself. They held hands and shared knowing looks on the short drive to the hotel. On the elevator ride up to the seventh floor and the walk down the hallway to their room Dianna kept her arm wrapped around Lea’s shoulders and the brunette had hers around Dianna’s waist. When they entered the room and the door was securely locked behind them they were all over each other. Lea kissed every bit of Dianna’s skin that was exposed to her, her lips, cheeks, nose, jaw, and neck. The blonde ran her fingers through Lea’s thick brown hair and then trailed her fingertips down the column of the singer’s throat feeling her girlfriend tremble underneath her touch.
They made their way over to one of the two double beds that took up a good portion of the room and fell in a heap in the center. Lea rolled on top of Dianna and straddled her hips. “What you did tonight, it was amazing. You are so incredibly brave and I am so proud of you,” she said before leaning down and kissing her girlfriend.
“It does feel like a burden has been lifted, you know? Like this whole lie I’ve surrounded myself in has just vanished. I almost feel naked…but in a good way.”
“You mean like when you are naked with me?” Lea asked, her lips curving upward into a mischievous smile. Her small hands slipped underneath Dianna’s shirt and her palms rested briefly on the woman’s warm stomach before moving upward to cover her bare breasts.
“God I love when you don’t wear a bra,” Lea stated while Dianna shifted her upper body so she could remove her shirt.
“Well I did learn from the best,” the blonde replied as she began to remove Lea’s shirt revealing that the brunette was also braless. She ran her thumbs over the pebble-sized nipples while Lea pressed their lips firmly together. Dianna wrapped her arms around the singer’s petite waist and shifted her weight to the left so they were each on their sides. Dianna deepened the kiss and pushed herself against Lea. Their breasts pressed tightly together and with every miniscule movement from either woman their hard nipples would brush against each other and send a wave of pleasure straight to their cores. Their hands wandered everywhere they could reach while they continued to kiss.
Lea deftly undid the button on Dianna’s jeans with one hand and dipped it inside the silky black panties. She found her girlfriend more than ready for her and she adjusted her body so her fingers could slide between the wet folds. Dianna gasped in delight when Lea’s index finger traced over her sensitive bundle.
The brunette stroked her finger up and down the bud feeling it stiffen under her ministrations. She felt Dianna’s shaking hands try to undo her jeans so she placed her free hand over the blonde’s to steady her and helped her get the button unfastened. They broke away from each other just long enough to take their pants and underwear off and they were back in each other’s embrace, arms and legs wrapped together, lips and tongues dancing.
“I love you Lea,” Dianna whispered as she rolled on top of the small singer and their sexes made contact.
“I love you Dianna,” Lea replied. Her hips rose up and she spread her legs allowing Dianna further access to her most private area. They found a balanced rocking motion that allowed their clits to rub against each other.
Dianna buried her face in Lea’s neck, her teeth softly biting down on the flesh. “God this feels so good,” she murmured. Both women were content for the moment to thrust their hips slowly letting the tension build. After several minutes of the leisurely pace they simultaneously decided that they needed rougher contact. Their thrusts became frantic and uneven as they each came closer and closer to their desired release. Dianna reached the precipice first and she moaned, “Oh Lea, I’m coming. Yes Lea, I love you.”
As her body hummed and tingled from her orgasm the blonde ground her sex into Lea’s until the brunette gripped her shoulders and came undone, her body shaking ever so slightly. Dianna leaned over and kissed Lea’s forehead. She rolled off of the short woman and wrapped her arms around her so they were cuddling.
For the next several hours they held one another and talked. They talked about everything they wanted to do now that they didn’t have to hide. They talked about their first public kiss and about being able to arrive on the red carpet for awards shows together. They both wanted to go back to Boston, the city where it all started for them, and spend a weekend there without any obligations getting in their way. They talked about their future, something they rarely did because it was too painful to think about what they wanted but couldn’t have. They wanted to move to New York after Glee was over, Lea wanted to return to Broadway and Dianna wanted to focus on writing. One day they wanted to get married and have babies; Lea was insistent on carrying a child even if it would put her career on hold temporarily. They couldn’t wait for it; they wanted it all and for the first time they felt that they would get it.
“Are you worried about what will happen in the morning?” Lea asked uncertainly just as they were about to drift off to sleep.
“No,” Dianna replied. “No matter what happens I want us to always remember this moment and know that we will have our future together.”
***
They awoke to a loud insistent pounding on the hotel room door. Lea groaned and opened one eye to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand.
8:30 am.
They had only been asleep for four hours and didn’t need to be at the arena until the late afternoon. Who the fuck was trying to break down the door with his fist at this hour?
Dianna tried to muffle the sound by wrapping a pillow around her ears. All she wanted to do was stay in bed with Lea until they had to go to work but that also included sleeping for a few more hours.
“Dianna, open this damn door right now!” A deep male voice shouted from the hallway.
The blonde’s eyes immediately snapped open and she jumped out of bed throwing on the closest clothes she could find. “Fuck! Lea, get up! It’s my manager! What the hell is he doing here?” Her stomach was in knots and she was terrified to answer the door. She waited until Lea had put on one of the hotel-supplied bathrobes and then slowly unlocked and opened the door.
Her manager was a tall brown haired man in his mid-50’s with a short fuse and a temper to match. Dianna tried to avoid communication with him as much as possible mostly because she got a homophobic vibe from him and thought that, next to Ryan, he was the one that most wanted to keep her in the closet. She often wondered why she didn’t just fire him and find other representation but it was always something that got put off to the side, to be worried about another day. And now she was definitely regretting not making a change.
“What the hell did you do last night?” He bellowed once he was in the room and the door was closed. “There’s already articles on the Internet wondering if you came out! What did you expect to accomplish? You know you can’t broadcast your sexuality like that! How many times have we discussed this?”
“Only before every awards show and performance for the past two years.” Dianna’s voice was a monotone as if she were repeating something she was forced to memorize long ago.
“Exactly! So tell me, why did you do it?”
“Because I want to be myself!” Dianna exploded. “Lesbians aren’t unheard of in Hollywood so why is it against the rules for me to be honest about it?”
“You know why,” the man responded as he ran a hand through his short hair, agitated. “It’s because of her.” He shot a hardened look at Lea, the first time since he entered the room that he even acknowledged the singer. “If you weren’t in a relationship with her, you could flaunt your damn sexuality all you want. But she makes the network too much fucking money for everyone to know that she is dating a female cast mate.” Before either woman could say something he thrust a piece of paper into Dianna’s hand. “Here is a statement I took the liberty of writing up. I want you to post it on Tumblr within the next two hours.”
Dianna’s eyes scanned the typed words and she felt her eyes well with tears. It was essentially a high school essay about supporting the gay community and taking a stand against the oppressed. When she read the line “While I am not a lesbian,” the first fat tear fell from her eye and dropped on the bottom of the page, blurring the ink.
“What is it Di?” Lea asked. She walked up behind the blonde and placed her hand on the small of her back. She stood on her tiptoes and tried to see what was written on the page over Dianna’s shoulder.
“I’m being shoved back in the closet,” she said sadly. “Apparently what I did last night was nothing more than a show of support.”
“You don’t have to do this Dianna. They can’t make you post that on the Internet.” Lea was outraged. Her normally reserved private girlfriend took a huge step in her life and was being forced to act like it was something else entirely. She was not okay with that and hoped that Dianna would be strong enough to stand up for the truth.
“Yes we can,” the man responded. “If she wants to continue on with this tour and keep her job. I already spoke with Ryan and we decided it’s for the best if she doesn’t perform in Detroit tomorrow night.”
“What?!” Both Lea and Dianna screamed in unison.
“Actions like this will not be tolerated. Clearly it will create suspicion if she doesn’t perform tonight since we are in the same city but she can conveniently be too sick to make it to Detroit. And if you don’t post that statement we can arrange a ‘family emergency’ that makes it so you can’t make the rest of the tour dates.”
“This is bullshit!” Lea screeched. “Don’t listen to him Dianna. You’re better than this! Remember what we said last night? About our future? Don’t let them take it away from us.”
“I have to Lee.” Dianna’s voice sounded so defeated and that’s how she felt. She felt that shroud of a lie enveloping her again. “We only have one season of Glee left. I can last until then. The second we wrap the final scene I’m done. I’m taking you out in the middle of Melrose Avenue and kissing you in front of everyone.”
“No Dianna. Not then. Now. Please don’t take back everything you did last night.”
“I’m sorry Lea.”
***
Dianna had never felt so high and subsequently so low in the space of twenty-four hours. She also had never seen Lea this mad at her before. The second she had hit the create post button on Tumblr the brunette had been giving her the silent treatment. She tried getting her to talk but Lea was so stubborn sometimes that she eventually gave up. She went and spent the afternoon with Naya and then went to the arena to perform their third show in Toronto.
The show went by in a blur for her, she was on auto-pilot and before she even knew what was going on it was over and they were on the bus back to the hotel. They were flying to Detroit in the morning but at her manager’s insistence Dianna would not be on the plane. She would stay in Canada an extra day and then fly out separately and meet the cast in Cleveland on Tuesday.
She tried to talk to Lea again while the singer packed her bag but she steadfastly said nothing. “Lea, baby please. I’m so sorry but I didn’t have a choice.”
“Don’t talk to me.” Her tone was icy but Dianna was just glad she got her to speak. She attempted to explain, to let her girlfriend know why she did what she did and that it had nothing to do with how much she loved her, but Lea didn’t want to hear it. When the brunette asked when she was going to stop letting other people make life decisions for her, Dianna snapped. She normally prided herself on being a very patient person but a person could only take so much and she had been stretched to the breaking point with everything that had happened since the show the night before.
“Do not even throw that in my face! Maybe I’ll stop doing it when you stop acting like you are in love with Theo!”
Lea threw her makeup bag down on the bed and threw her hands up in the air. “Fucking shit Dianna, I’m doing that because we can’t come out! You don’t think I was planning on calling him today and letting him know that we could stop acting? That he could finally take his actual girlfriend out on a date?”
Dianna crossed her arms across her chest and said defiantly, “The fact of the matter is you are no better than I am. Why am I the one that has to come out for us to make our relationship public? Why can’t the high and mighty Lea Michele announce that she is gay?”
Dianna knew she had hit below the belt. When they had first got together Lea had tried to hold her hand or kiss her when they were at a restaurant or even on set and the blonde always reflexively flinched away from any contact. Her career wasn’t even off the ground yet and she didn’t want to be typecast as a lesbian or be known only as the star of Glee’s girlfriend. Yet through all of that Lea had stuck by her side and never once questioned Dianna’s motives and didn’t try and push her into doing something she wasn’t ready for.
“You know what? I don’t have to deal with this. You know I have zero problems telling the world I am in love with you but I haven’t because you have insisted I don’t. I could give two shits what Ryan or our agents or managers think or say. I’m thankful every day for Glee but we’re so much more than a stupid show. You aren’t going to end up homeless if you admit that you like girls. And no matter what you are told to say, it won’t change who you are.” Lea threw the last of her clothes in her duffel bag and angrily zipped it up and slung it over her shoulder.
“Where are you going?” Dianna could feel her chin wobbling and knew she was on the verge on violent sobs.
“I’m going to crash in Jenna’s room. I can’t be around you right now. You really hurt me with what you did today. I’ll see you on Tuesday.”
Dianna couldn’t even wait until the door was closed behind Lea’s retreating back before she burst into tears. She held a pillow tight to her chest and curled in the fetal position and cried herself to sleep.
***
Her extra day in Toronto was absolute hell. She was forced to go out in public and walk to a pharmacy to let the whole “she’s feeling sick” lie to be plausible. She texted Lea periodically throughout the day but didn’t receive a response until almost 8:00 that evening.
About to go on stage. Missing you. :(
The short text did make Dianna smile, the first genuine smile to grace her lips in almost two days. Knowing that Lea was missing her made her feel better about everything; she’d be lying if she didn’t admit that she was thinking that Lea was happy to have some distance.
At 10:30 pm her phone beeped again signaling another text message.
Held Chord’s hand during STL. I wish it had been you.
Dianna quickly responded: Wish it had been me too. See you tomorrow.
Her phone didn’t ring and she did not receive another text that night but she felt that everything would be all right when she got to Cleveland the next day.
She was wrong.
She didn’t have a moment alone with Lea all day and their interactions were awkward. It was as if they didn’t know what to say to each other without first apologizing and neither one was willing to do that in front of everybody else. During the show Lea was her usual bubbly energetic self but Dianna couldn’t seem to get her heart in it. She needed to talk to Lea, to find out where they stood and if they were okay, and it was just too hard to sing about being in love with her best friend when she did not have that confirmation.
Once they were all on the bus Lea sat down in the seat right next to Dianna and smiled almost shyly at her.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Dianna replied.
“It was good to have you back tonight.”
“Yeah. It was weird not being with everyone yesterday.” She really meant it was weird not having a physical conversation with Lea for a whole day but she didn’t allow herself to say that.
“Will…will you stay in my hotel room tonight?” Lea asked timidly. She hoped that Dianna would forgive her for storming out in Toronto but she wouldn’t blame her if she refused.
“Of course. Do you know how hard it is for me to sleep if I don’t have my arms around you?” Dianna smiled brightly at Lea and the brunette leaned over and grabbed her hand. They were content to sit in silence for the rest of the ride to the hotel.
***
“Hey Dianna, come here. I want to show you something.”
Lea was sitting cross-legged on the queen-sized bed in a pair of black sweatpants and a white tank top, her iPhone in her hand. Dianna came out of the bathroom in gray shorts and a purple tank, running her hands through her short strands of hair. “What is it?” she asked as she sat down on the bed next to Lea, her right leg tucked underneath her left thigh.
“Give me just one second,” Lea said as she scrolled through her phone. “Here,” she said handing the device to Dianna. “I tweeted this during the show tonight.”
Dianna quickly read the tweet that, in typical Lea fashion, contained exclamation points albeit not as many as usual.
Backstage now "Bornthisway" is on! "I'm beautiful in my way cause god makes NO mistakes I'm on the right track baby I was born to be BRAVE!"
“Uhh, Lea? That’s not how the song goes.” Dianna was confused as to why Lea wanted to show her this and hoped her girlfriend would explain.
The brunette rolled her eyes and said with a laugh in her voice, “I know that. It was for you.” She took one of Dianna’s hands in both of hers and said seriously, “I was such a bitch to you and I’m sorry. What you did, regardless of what those heartless bastards made you do after the fact, was so brave. You decided you were ready and you did it. I’m proud of you. And I don’t care that you posted that stupid statement, I know you didn’t want to. I can wait until Glee is over; I’ve waited two years to tell the world that we are dating I suppose one more won’t hurt. Because we’re going to last forever, right?”
Dianna felt the tears rolling down her cheeks and she could only nod her head in response. She lifted Lea’s hand to her mouth and kissed her knuckles. “Forever” she choked out through her tears and then she pulled Lea into a hug and held her tightly, never wanting to let her go.
***
The rest of the tour went off without a hitch. By the time they got to New York they were holding hands again during “Somebody to Love,” not caring if they were infuriating Glee’s creator. No one could deny how much happier they both looked when they were in physical contact with one another.
They held hands throughout the shows in England as well and on the last night of the tour, right before they took the stage, Lea turned to Dianna and said, “Just think. At this time next year we’ll be coming out.” Dianna just smiled and squeezed Lea’s hands as the first notes to “Don’t Stop Believing” began.
As the show concluded with “their” song, Lea and Dianna gripped one another’s hands at the exact moment Amber hit the high note. But when Lea was about to let go and sing her next line, Dianna dropped her microphone and wrapped her hand around the back of Lea’s neck and pulled her into a deep kiss right there in the middle of the stage. The roar of the crowd, the flaming pyrotechnics, the red and white paper confetti raining down on stage all disappeared, Dianna noticed nothing but how amazing Lea’s lips felt on hers and knowing that the world was watching.
When they finally pulled apart, Lea’s eyes were glazed over but she said, “Ryan’s going to have our asses for breakfast when we get back to the States.”
“I don’t care. They took away my last coming out statement, let’s see them try and cover up this one. I love you too much to keep it a secret anymore.”
Lea leaned in and kissed Dianna one more time before turning to wave at the still screaming crowd, happier than she had ever been. The days of lies and fake boyfriends were over. They were in love and they would face whatever lay ahead. Together.
Author: lovablelexie
Rating: R or NC17, you be the judge
Pairing: Lea/Dianna
Summary: Dianna decides to come out in an unconventional way. The next day she is forced to take it all back. My take on the Likes Girls incident.
Disclaimer: This is a total piece of fiction, I own nothing and no one involved
Word Count: 4,646
A/N: So this idea hit me on Thursday afternoon at work and wouldn't let go. Unlike most of my stories it is not centered around the smut (although I had to throw some in!) Enjoy!
“Don’t talk to me.” Lea spat the words as she packed her bag for Detroit. She hated living out of a suitcase, one of the many downsides to being on tour. She did not do well with confinement and this included her attitude toward her possessions. Every time they stepped off the plane she began throwing her clothes and makeup everywhere, either on the tour bus or in the hotel room. This made it so she had to repack almost every day and today she was angrily shoving things into her bag.
“Lea please. Let me-“
“Let you what?” She asked icily.
“Explain,” the blonde said sadly.
“Explain what? How we were so close to the moment we have been hoping for for two years and we are now back at square one? How you made the biggest statement of your life and then retracted it? No, there’s nothing to explain.”
“But my manager-“
“Fuck him! When are you going to stop letting other people decide how you live your life? What happened to what you said last night, ‘I love you Lea. I’m tired of hiding?’”
***
It was their second show in Toronto and backstage Dianna seemed exceptionally nervous. They had done so many of these shows by now that Lea could not figure out why her girlfriend would be so fidgety. She walked up behind the blonde and put her hands on her shoulders. “What’s on your mind lady?”
Dianna took a deep breath and responded, “I might have stolen something from the merch people.”
Lea couldn’t help but let out a laugh. “You stole Glee merch? Why? Or better yet, what did you take?” Personally she was hoping it was the big foam finger because that image was just too funny.
“It’s over by our costumes for the Born This Way number.” Dianna tilted her head toward the racks of clothing as if Lea didn’t know to where she was referring.
The tiny singer bounced over to the silver racks and shifted through the white t-shirts seeing the usual bold black script on each one. Then, next to Chris’ “Likes Boys” shirt was one that no one in the cast had ever worn. One that clearly stated “Likes Girls.” Her heart in her throat she turned around and faced her girlfriend wide eyed.
“Di, what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to wear it,” she replied matter-of-factly.
“On stage?”
“Where else?”
Lea couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Throughout the entirety of their relationship Dianna was the one who had been afraid to come out. Lea had steadfastly remained in the closet with her girlfriend afraid that her own coming out would immediately shine the spotlight on Dianna. Anytime she brought up the topic Dianna would change the subject or insist that the timing wasn’t right, not while they were still on Glee, not until she got a leading role of her own, not now. It was always “not now” and Lea tried not to push but sometimes it got to be too much. She was heed over heels in love and wanted the world to know. She was tired of living a lie by omission and now, finally, it appeared that Dianna was tired of it as well.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Lea asked nervously.
“I do. They tell us we can’t hold hands after we’ve done our best to not act like a couple while we’re in public? Fuck it, I’m done with the lies. I just want to be me. I love you Lea. I’m tired of hiding.”
Lea felt tears prick at her eyes but she pushed them back, it was almost time for them to take the stage and she couldn’t risk ruining her makeup. But she did pull Dianna into a tight hug and said, “I love you Dianna. You’re so brave for doing this.”
***
As the show went on, Lea could only imagine how nervous Dianna was because she herself was a wreck. While she changed into her black and white dress for “Firework” and the rest of her cast mates put on their Born This Way t-shirts she eyed Dianna and gave her a reassuring smile. The blonde smiled back as if to say, “No turning back now. It’s time.”
As soon as she was offstage and heard the first notes of the pop song leave Lea’s lips, Dianna felt a huge weight lift from her shoulders. She had done it. She had, for all intents and purposes, come out without saying a word. Now she couldn’t wait for this show to be over so she and Lea could properly celebrate.
They didn’t hold hands during Somebody to Love but only because they knew that would be too much for one concert. No one in the cast said anything to Dianna about her “statement.” It was as if they were already afraid of the firestorm that was to come from the higher-ups and didn’t want to get involved.
Dianna didn’t care about any of the repercussions that may possibly come from her bosses. In this moment all she could think about was getting Lea alone so they could celebrate. And if the eyebrow raise she received from Lea was any indication, her girlfriend was thinking the same thing. She grabbed her cell phone and powered off the device and gave Lea a big smile. “Nothing is going to interrupt us. Tonight you’re all mine.”
Neither woman could contain herself. They held hands and shared knowing looks on the short drive to the hotel. On the elevator ride up to the seventh floor and the walk down the hallway to their room Dianna kept her arm wrapped around Lea’s shoulders and the brunette had hers around Dianna’s waist. When they entered the room and the door was securely locked behind them they were all over each other. Lea kissed every bit of Dianna’s skin that was exposed to her, her lips, cheeks, nose, jaw, and neck. The blonde ran her fingers through Lea’s thick brown hair and then trailed her fingertips down the column of the singer’s throat feeling her girlfriend tremble underneath her touch.
They made their way over to one of the two double beds that took up a good portion of the room and fell in a heap in the center. Lea rolled on top of Dianna and straddled her hips. “What you did tonight, it was amazing. You are so incredibly brave and I am so proud of you,” she said before leaning down and kissing her girlfriend.
“It does feel like a burden has been lifted, you know? Like this whole lie I’ve surrounded myself in has just vanished. I almost feel naked…but in a good way.”
“You mean like when you are naked with me?” Lea asked, her lips curving upward into a mischievous smile. Her small hands slipped underneath Dianna’s shirt and her palms rested briefly on the woman’s warm stomach before moving upward to cover her bare breasts.
“God I love when you don’t wear a bra,” Lea stated while Dianna shifted her upper body so she could remove her shirt.
“Well I did learn from the best,” the blonde replied as she began to remove Lea’s shirt revealing that the brunette was also braless. She ran her thumbs over the pebble-sized nipples while Lea pressed their lips firmly together. Dianna wrapped her arms around the singer’s petite waist and shifted her weight to the left so they were each on their sides. Dianna deepened the kiss and pushed herself against Lea. Their breasts pressed tightly together and with every miniscule movement from either woman their hard nipples would brush against each other and send a wave of pleasure straight to their cores. Their hands wandered everywhere they could reach while they continued to kiss.
Lea deftly undid the button on Dianna’s jeans with one hand and dipped it inside the silky black panties. She found her girlfriend more than ready for her and she adjusted her body so her fingers could slide between the wet folds. Dianna gasped in delight when Lea’s index finger traced over her sensitive bundle.
The brunette stroked her finger up and down the bud feeling it stiffen under her ministrations. She felt Dianna’s shaking hands try to undo her jeans so she placed her free hand over the blonde’s to steady her and helped her get the button unfastened. They broke away from each other just long enough to take their pants and underwear off and they were back in each other’s embrace, arms and legs wrapped together, lips and tongues dancing.
“I love you Lea,” Dianna whispered as she rolled on top of the small singer and their sexes made contact.
“I love you Dianna,” Lea replied. Her hips rose up and she spread her legs allowing Dianna further access to her most private area. They found a balanced rocking motion that allowed their clits to rub against each other.
Dianna buried her face in Lea’s neck, her teeth softly biting down on the flesh. “God this feels so good,” she murmured. Both women were content for the moment to thrust their hips slowly letting the tension build. After several minutes of the leisurely pace they simultaneously decided that they needed rougher contact. Their thrusts became frantic and uneven as they each came closer and closer to their desired release. Dianna reached the precipice first and she moaned, “Oh Lea, I’m coming. Yes Lea, I love you.”
As her body hummed and tingled from her orgasm the blonde ground her sex into Lea’s until the brunette gripped her shoulders and came undone, her body shaking ever so slightly. Dianna leaned over and kissed Lea’s forehead. She rolled off of the short woman and wrapped her arms around her so they were cuddling.
For the next several hours they held one another and talked. They talked about everything they wanted to do now that they didn’t have to hide. They talked about their first public kiss and about being able to arrive on the red carpet for awards shows together. They both wanted to go back to Boston, the city where it all started for them, and spend a weekend there without any obligations getting in their way. They talked about their future, something they rarely did because it was too painful to think about what they wanted but couldn’t have. They wanted to move to New York after Glee was over, Lea wanted to return to Broadway and Dianna wanted to focus on writing. One day they wanted to get married and have babies; Lea was insistent on carrying a child even if it would put her career on hold temporarily. They couldn’t wait for it; they wanted it all and for the first time they felt that they would get it.
“Are you worried about what will happen in the morning?” Lea asked uncertainly just as they were about to drift off to sleep.
“No,” Dianna replied. “No matter what happens I want us to always remember this moment and know that we will have our future together.”
***
They awoke to a loud insistent pounding on the hotel room door. Lea groaned and opened one eye to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand.
8:30 am.
They had only been asleep for four hours and didn’t need to be at the arena until the late afternoon. Who the fuck was trying to break down the door with his fist at this hour?
Dianna tried to muffle the sound by wrapping a pillow around her ears. All she wanted to do was stay in bed with Lea until they had to go to work but that also included sleeping for a few more hours.
“Dianna, open this damn door right now!” A deep male voice shouted from the hallway.
The blonde’s eyes immediately snapped open and she jumped out of bed throwing on the closest clothes she could find. “Fuck! Lea, get up! It’s my manager! What the hell is he doing here?” Her stomach was in knots and she was terrified to answer the door. She waited until Lea had put on one of the hotel-supplied bathrobes and then slowly unlocked and opened the door.
Her manager was a tall brown haired man in his mid-50’s with a short fuse and a temper to match. Dianna tried to avoid communication with him as much as possible mostly because she got a homophobic vibe from him and thought that, next to Ryan, he was the one that most wanted to keep her in the closet. She often wondered why she didn’t just fire him and find other representation but it was always something that got put off to the side, to be worried about another day. And now she was definitely regretting not making a change.
“What the hell did you do last night?” He bellowed once he was in the room and the door was closed. “There’s already articles on the Internet wondering if you came out! What did you expect to accomplish? You know you can’t broadcast your sexuality like that! How many times have we discussed this?”
“Only before every awards show and performance for the past two years.” Dianna’s voice was a monotone as if she were repeating something she was forced to memorize long ago.
“Exactly! So tell me, why did you do it?”
“Because I want to be myself!” Dianna exploded. “Lesbians aren’t unheard of in Hollywood so why is it against the rules for me to be honest about it?”
“You know why,” the man responded as he ran a hand through his short hair, agitated. “It’s because of her.” He shot a hardened look at Lea, the first time since he entered the room that he even acknowledged the singer. “If you weren’t in a relationship with her, you could flaunt your damn sexuality all you want. But she makes the network too much fucking money for everyone to know that she is dating a female cast mate.” Before either woman could say something he thrust a piece of paper into Dianna’s hand. “Here is a statement I took the liberty of writing up. I want you to post it on Tumblr within the next two hours.”
Dianna’s eyes scanned the typed words and she felt her eyes well with tears. It was essentially a high school essay about supporting the gay community and taking a stand against the oppressed. When she read the line “While I am not a lesbian,” the first fat tear fell from her eye and dropped on the bottom of the page, blurring the ink.
“What is it Di?” Lea asked. She walked up behind the blonde and placed her hand on the small of her back. She stood on her tiptoes and tried to see what was written on the page over Dianna’s shoulder.
“I’m being shoved back in the closet,” she said sadly. “Apparently what I did last night was nothing more than a show of support.”
“You don’t have to do this Dianna. They can’t make you post that on the Internet.” Lea was outraged. Her normally reserved private girlfriend took a huge step in her life and was being forced to act like it was something else entirely. She was not okay with that and hoped that Dianna would be strong enough to stand up for the truth.
“Yes we can,” the man responded. “If she wants to continue on with this tour and keep her job. I already spoke with Ryan and we decided it’s for the best if she doesn’t perform in Detroit tomorrow night.”
“What?!” Both Lea and Dianna screamed in unison.
“Actions like this will not be tolerated. Clearly it will create suspicion if she doesn’t perform tonight since we are in the same city but she can conveniently be too sick to make it to Detroit. And if you don’t post that statement we can arrange a ‘family emergency’ that makes it so you can’t make the rest of the tour dates.”
“This is bullshit!” Lea screeched. “Don’t listen to him Dianna. You’re better than this! Remember what we said last night? About our future? Don’t let them take it away from us.”
“I have to Lee.” Dianna’s voice sounded so defeated and that’s how she felt. She felt that shroud of a lie enveloping her again. “We only have one season of Glee left. I can last until then. The second we wrap the final scene I’m done. I’m taking you out in the middle of Melrose Avenue and kissing you in front of everyone.”
“No Dianna. Not then. Now. Please don’t take back everything you did last night.”
“I’m sorry Lea.”
***
Dianna had never felt so high and subsequently so low in the space of twenty-four hours. She also had never seen Lea this mad at her before. The second she had hit the create post button on Tumblr the brunette had been giving her the silent treatment. She tried getting her to talk but Lea was so stubborn sometimes that she eventually gave up. She went and spent the afternoon with Naya and then went to the arena to perform their third show in Toronto.
The show went by in a blur for her, she was on auto-pilot and before she even knew what was going on it was over and they were on the bus back to the hotel. They were flying to Detroit in the morning but at her manager’s insistence Dianna would not be on the plane. She would stay in Canada an extra day and then fly out separately and meet the cast in Cleveland on Tuesday.
She tried to talk to Lea again while the singer packed her bag but she steadfastly said nothing. “Lea, baby please. I’m so sorry but I didn’t have a choice.”
“Don’t talk to me.” Her tone was icy but Dianna was just glad she got her to speak. She attempted to explain, to let her girlfriend know why she did what she did and that it had nothing to do with how much she loved her, but Lea didn’t want to hear it. When the brunette asked when she was going to stop letting other people make life decisions for her, Dianna snapped. She normally prided herself on being a very patient person but a person could only take so much and she had been stretched to the breaking point with everything that had happened since the show the night before.
“Do not even throw that in my face! Maybe I’ll stop doing it when you stop acting like you are in love with Theo!”
Lea threw her makeup bag down on the bed and threw her hands up in the air. “Fucking shit Dianna, I’m doing that because we can’t come out! You don’t think I was planning on calling him today and letting him know that we could stop acting? That he could finally take his actual girlfriend out on a date?”
Dianna crossed her arms across her chest and said defiantly, “The fact of the matter is you are no better than I am. Why am I the one that has to come out for us to make our relationship public? Why can’t the high and mighty Lea Michele announce that she is gay?”
Dianna knew she had hit below the belt. When they had first got together Lea had tried to hold her hand or kiss her when they were at a restaurant or even on set and the blonde always reflexively flinched away from any contact. Her career wasn’t even off the ground yet and she didn’t want to be typecast as a lesbian or be known only as the star of Glee’s girlfriend. Yet through all of that Lea had stuck by her side and never once questioned Dianna’s motives and didn’t try and push her into doing something she wasn’t ready for.
“You know what? I don’t have to deal with this. You know I have zero problems telling the world I am in love with you but I haven’t because you have insisted I don’t. I could give two shits what Ryan or our agents or managers think or say. I’m thankful every day for Glee but we’re so much more than a stupid show. You aren’t going to end up homeless if you admit that you like girls. And no matter what you are told to say, it won’t change who you are.” Lea threw the last of her clothes in her duffel bag and angrily zipped it up and slung it over her shoulder.
“Where are you going?” Dianna could feel her chin wobbling and knew she was on the verge on violent sobs.
“I’m going to crash in Jenna’s room. I can’t be around you right now. You really hurt me with what you did today. I’ll see you on Tuesday.”
Dianna couldn’t even wait until the door was closed behind Lea’s retreating back before she burst into tears. She held a pillow tight to her chest and curled in the fetal position and cried herself to sleep.
***
Her extra day in Toronto was absolute hell. She was forced to go out in public and walk to a pharmacy to let the whole “she’s feeling sick” lie to be plausible. She texted Lea periodically throughout the day but didn’t receive a response until almost 8:00 that evening.
About to go on stage. Missing you. :(
The short text did make Dianna smile, the first genuine smile to grace her lips in almost two days. Knowing that Lea was missing her made her feel better about everything; she’d be lying if she didn’t admit that she was thinking that Lea was happy to have some distance.
At 10:30 pm her phone beeped again signaling another text message.
Held Chord’s hand during STL. I wish it had been you.
Dianna quickly responded: Wish it had been me too. See you tomorrow.
Her phone didn’t ring and she did not receive another text that night but she felt that everything would be all right when she got to Cleveland the next day.
She was wrong.
She didn’t have a moment alone with Lea all day and their interactions were awkward. It was as if they didn’t know what to say to each other without first apologizing and neither one was willing to do that in front of everybody else. During the show Lea was her usual bubbly energetic self but Dianna couldn’t seem to get her heart in it. She needed to talk to Lea, to find out where they stood and if they were okay, and it was just too hard to sing about being in love with her best friend when she did not have that confirmation.
Once they were all on the bus Lea sat down in the seat right next to Dianna and smiled almost shyly at her.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Dianna replied.
“It was good to have you back tonight.”
“Yeah. It was weird not being with everyone yesterday.” She really meant it was weird not having a physical conversation with Lea for a whole day but she didn’t allow herself to say that.
“Will…will you stay in my hotel room tonight?” Lea asked timidly. She hoped that Dianna would forgive her for storming out in Toronto but she wouldn’t blame her if she refused.
“Of course. Do you know how hard it is for me to sleep if I don’t have my arms around you?” Dianna smiled brightly at Lea and the brunette leaned over and grabbed her hand. They were content to sit in silence for the rest of the ride to the hotel.
***
“Hey Dianna, come here. I want to show you something.”
Lea was sitting cross-legged on the queen-sized bed in a pair of black sweatpants and a white tank top, her iPhone in her hand. Dianna came out of the bathroom in gray shorts and a purple tank, running her hands through her short strands of hair. “What is it?” she asked as she sat down on the bed next to Lea, her right leg tucked underneath her left thigh.
“Give me just one second,” Lea said as she scrolled through her phone. “Here,” she said handing the device to Dianna. “I tweeted this during the show tonight.”
Dianna quickly read the tweet that, in typical Lea fashion, contained exclamation points albeit not as many as usual.
Backstage now "Bornthisway" is on! "I'm beautiful in my way cause god makes NO mistakes I'm on the right track baby I was born to be BRAVE!"
“Uhh, Lea? That’s not how the song goes.” Dianna was confused as to why Lea wanted to show her this and hoped her girlfriend would explain.
The brunette rolled her eyes and said with a laugh in her voice, “I know that. It was for you.” She took one of Dianna’s hands in both of hers and said seriously, “I was such a bitch to you and I’m sorry. What you did, regardless of what those heartless bastards made you do after the fact, was so brave. You decided you were ready and you did it. I’m proud of you. And I don’t care that you posted that stupid statement, I know you didn’t want to. I can wait until Glee is over; I’ve waited two years to tell the world that we are dating I suppose one more won’t hurt. Because we’re going to last forever, right?”
Dianna felt the tears rolling down her cheeks and she could only nod her head in response. She lifted Lea’s hand to her mouth and kissed her knuckles. “Forever” she choked out through her tears and then she pulled Lea into a hug and held her tightly, never wanting to let her go.
***
The rest of the tour went off without a hitch. By the time they got to New York they were holding hands again during “Somebody to Love,” not caring if they were infuriating Glee’s creator. No one could deny how much happier they both looked when they were in physical contact with one another.
They held hands throughout the shows in England as well and on the last night of the tour, right before they took the stage, Lea turned to Dianna and said, “Just think. At this time next year we’ll be coming out.” Dianna just smiled and squeezed Lea’s hands as the first notes to “Don’t Stop Believing” began.
As the show concluded with “their” song, Lea and Dianna gripped one another’s hands at the exact moment Amber hit the high note. But when Lea was about to let go and sing her next line, Dianna dropped her microphone and wrapped her hand around the back of Lea’s neck and pulled her into a deep kiss right there in the middle of the stage. The roar of the crowd, the flaming pyrotechnics, the red and white paper confetti raining down on stage all disappeared, Dianna noticed nothing but how amazing Lea’s lips felt on hers and knowing that the world was watching.
When they finally pulled apart, Lea’s eyes were glazed over but she said, “Ryan’s going to have our asses for breakfast when we get back to the States.”
“I don’t care. They took away my last coming out statement, let’s see them try and cover up this one. I love you too much to keep it a secret anymore.”
Lea leaned in and kissed Dianna one more time before turning to wave at the still screaming crowd, happier than she had ever been. The days of lies and fake boyfriends were over. They were in love and they would face whatever lay ahead. Together.