ARGH!
so why are sudenly my two best friends extremely happy and leaving me cute and happy comments and all I can do is sit here and want to cry, die, all the same thing, I don't know, maybe I just can't handle myself, maybe I just should take the knife to my wrist... I would hurt people if I did it, but I'd be happy at least.... I'm so selfish, just another thing to add to my list of why I'm a bad person, I feel like nobody understands, but I know they do, and I know that deep down in my heart, if I did bring the knife to my wrist I would miss my girls more dearly than anything that I have ever missed before, but I don't care right now... I just want to die before getting to a place where I can sleep and be happy all day and nobody would care what I did, and I could survey everything happening to my friends, but not be here where I have so much pain and sorrow collecting in my heart and in my soul... I just need to let myself go and let myself get lost in myself... I jut need to think about why I'm a bad person, and why I can't ever seem to be happy, I want to set my self free, but I can't because I would mess up and then everybody would get all wonky again, and I would be back under inspection with a shrink again, and don't get me wrong, I like my shrink, I just don't feel like going back to him for this... and I just want to run away, because if I did, no one would look for me except for my best girls... who would search day and night until they found me, but even then, if there was no finding me, they would give up, and forget me, and live their lives, but maybe just maybe somebody else cares, though I doubt it... wow this is a long rambling... and it's making me cry, knowing that I feel this way...