Better Off Ted: A Little Quiet Shut-Eye
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,937
Disclaimer: Recognize anything? Then it ain't mine.
A/N: For my winning bidder amathela on the qldfloodauction.
Summary: On a Friday evening one of Lem and Phil's experiments goes semi-wrong, leading Ted and Veronica (and elsewhere Lem and Phil) to deal with the consequences.
Spoilers: Minor references to other episodes. Also, to something very special glimpsed in the background during "The Great Repression."
Later, Ted will feel sure it was the fact that he kept his eyes closed upon regaining consciousness that allowed him to keep from panicking immediately.
I’m lying down, he deduces from the feel of a cold flat surface under his body.
I’m wearing one of my suits, he deduces from the pull of fabric as he performs a tentative wiggle.
I’m not hurt, this he deduces from the lack of pain he feels upon wiggling. However, there is an odd but mild burning sensation in his eyes. He presses the heels of his hands against them- and is startled by the resulting explosion of light.
Ted jerks upright, eyes open to figure out where he is. Only, he can’t. He sees the same black void as when his eyes were closed, excepting the unexpected light show. He blinks a few times- still black. He squints to make out shapes in this very dark room- nothing. “Uh...”
“What? Who’s there?” demands a sharp voice from his left.
“... Veronica?”
“Ted? Oh, right, Ted. Of course.”
“Veronica, what’s going on here? Why was I unconscious? And who stuck us in this dark room?”
“Two of those questions are inaccurate.”
“Okay...?”
“I was unconscious too. And we’re not in a dark room. We’re blind.”
Ted absorbs this. “No. No, we’re just... We’re just in an interior room with no lights on.”
“Ted, there would be some light coming from somewhere. Even the light from the hallway coming in beneath the door. Unless the power’s out in the whole building, which isn’t any more farfetched, admittedly.”
Ted closes his eyes and tries hard to think back. This morning- yes, he can remember waking up and getting dressed and having breakfast with Rose. All good. He came in to Veridian, caught up on paperwork, set a few appointments, hammered out a presentation for Monday, and when five o’clock rolled around... didn’t go home. Because Stacy breezed into town so Rose was staying with her this weekend, which meant Ted needed a distraction. That’s why he was glad to get the e-mail from Phil asking him to come down to the labs and check out a new invention, and to bring Veronica if it wouldn’t be inconvenient to her in any way, shape, or form.
Lem and Phil proudly revealed a beaker of blue liquid. “Are you tired of lugging around cumbersome ear plugs and eye masks when you take an airplane ride?” Phil inquired with a gleam in his watery eye.
“Not really,” Ted replied honestly. He’s met a lot of nice people on planes, who offered to buy him things after they landed, like dinner, and one time a boat.
“Well, fret no more,” Lem picked up the thread, “When you want to block out the world, there’s only one thing you need.”
“I’ve found an armed escort helps keep most of the world at bay,” Veronica remarked, “But I suppose that’s technically more than one thing.”
“Allow us to present- Isolationol!” Phil cried with a dramatic flourish at the beaker. “One dose of this and your hearing and vision will be completely dampened for a to-be-determined period of time!”
Ted blinked, “That stuff will turn people deaf and blind?”
“For a to-be-determined period of time!” Phil repeated.
Lem pushed his glasses onto the bridge of his nose, “It gets broken down by the human body in a matter of hours. Or- well, y’know, that’s the plan.”
“But before then, people will be...”
“Like rocks that can taste and smell and feel!” Phil said, still wearing his happy announcer voice.
“Uh huh.” Ted turned to Veronica, “Thoughts?”
Their boss tapped her lips with a slender finger while peering at the beaker. She nodded slowly, “I like it.”
Phil and Lem gasped in delight. Phil’s hand fluttered around his breast, “Thank you, Veronica. I can’t even say how it feels to have your approval.”
“I can,” she said, “It feels like the heavens have opened and God has reached down and chosen you as the one success in a festering pile of failure.” She stalked up to the beaker and leaned over it.
“Uh, Veronica, you might not want to get too close,” Lem said, daring to place his hands on her arm and shoulder.
“Relax, I’m not going to hurt it. I just want to get a good look at our new million dollar baby.”
“Um, well, it’s just that it’s not entirely stable yet- in fact it’s more unstable than most of the things we make here- and usually we keep it on ice- and it’s getting kind of too close to room temperature and I think it’s starting to destabilize andIthinkwereallyneedtogetoutofhere-”
“Veronica...” Ted remembers saying, before his vision filled with blue.
And he remembers running through unfamiliar corridors, hand mopping at his wet face as he cursed Veridian for deciding it was cheaper for emergency showers not to be in the labs themselves, Veronica running silently next to him, his vision starting to black out and an awful vertigo making him stumble...
“Aw crap,” Ted says, “We really are blind.”
“The Isolationol. A face-full for each of us.”
“Not such a great idea, huh?”
“Of course it’s a great idea. Every great idea has a few kinks that need working out first. Ask Edison.”
“Yeah, well, Edison never robbed anybody of their vision.”
“We don’t know that.”
Ted sighs, “On the plus side, at least we aren’t deaf too.”
“Yeah... I wonder why.”
***
The silence wakes Phil up. Opening his eyes, he finds himself lying on the floor of the lab, but there is no noise whatsoever. No hum of machines, no burble of experiments, no happy chirp of Chumley sucking around the floor. He gets to his feet unsteadily, and sees Lem already standing. Or, more accurately, leaning over a lab table looking like he might throw up. Phil hopes he doesn’t. If Lem throws up, he’ll throw up, and it’ll just be generally uncomfortable for everyone.
Lem looks up at him and says something. Phil gestures towards his ears. Lem frowns and reaches across a stack of notepads and pens to his cell phone. He dials something, and in his peripheral vision Phil sees his own cell phone start to vibrate along the lab table surface. He picks up the phone and reads the text message Lem sent: I THINK WE R DEAF.
Phil screams me too as loud as he can, but Lem just shrugs. Phil texts the message back to him.
Lem sends a new one: WHERE R TED N VERONICA?
I DON’T KNOW. WENT 4 HALF?
HALF?
Phil sighs, HELP.
WE SHOULD FIND THEM. MIGHT B HURT.
WHEN WILL- Phil struggles to translate “our bodies break down and absorb this acetamide-based peroxidase” into text-speak- WE GET R HEARING BACK?
Lem shrugs. He looks about as worried as Phil feels, so they share a much-deserved hug. Then they begin the quest to find their bosses.
***
“I can’t tell if this room is the emergency showers,” Ted says.
“Where are the emergency showers?”
“I’m... not sure. I’ve only ever seen signs for them.” Ted stands up straight and points in the direction he last heard Veronica’s voice, “And can I lodge a formal complaint right now about Veridian’s safety measures or lack thereof? Even you have to admit this is ridiculous and didn’t need to happen.”
“All right, all right, I’ll bring it up in the next budget meeting... in2019,” she finishes in Evasive Murmur.
Ted rolls his eyes and goes back to trying to find the door. He’s run into a few tables so far, and possibly some filing cabinets. No windows yet, not that he thinks they would be much help.
“Ted!” Veronica says, “Ted, I found the door.”
“Great!” Without thinking he turns to walk in her direction and marches straight into what he imagines is a desk. He grits his teeth on a groan, “Son of a-!”
“Ted? Are you okay?”
“I’m okay, I’m okay...” He negotiates his way around the damn thing, whatever it is, and takes a few more cautious steps. He jumps when something touches his chest and then latches onto his lapel. “V-Veronica, please tell me that’s you.”
“Yes, you idiot. Take it.”
He wraps his hands around hers. It feels small and soft, and just a little bit shaky. “Hey,” he hears himself say, “It’ll be okay. We’ll find Lem and Phil and they’ll figure out what went wrong and fix it, if it doesn’t fix itself.”
“Of course. I know that,” Veronica sniffs, though she doesn’t let go, even when Ted squeezes her hand.
He hears her open the door and follows her through it. “... I think we’re in a supply closet.”
“Dammit.”
***
It’s weird to walk around with no hearing, Phil finds. Sounds had a way of orienting him, and without them he’s... well, disoriented. It’s almost a claustrophobic feeling, without phones ringing, or the constant hum of distant air conditioning units, or voices coming from offices and cubicles, or elevator dings from down the hall, or... Neither he nor Lem know if their bosses made it all the way to the emergency showers, so they check every room for them.
His phone vibrates in his pocket, U HEAR NYTHING?
NOT YET. They were unconscious for a couple of hours. It’s difficult to guess when the Isolationol will wear off. If it does at all. Phil makes a fifth mental note to sign up for that self esteem class so he won’t jump the gun on showing off a new invention to gain Veronica and/or Ted’s approval again. It’s just not healthy.
His pocket buzzes, WHERE R U?
He looks up from his musings to find himself alone in the hallway. He shouts for Lem, and doesn’t hear it any more than his friend can. Panic grips Phil’s heart, and he scuttles back to where another hallway split off- bumping into Lem as he comes around the corner.
Phil watches Lem scold him and wishes like hell he could hear it. A similar thought must occur to Lem because he stops, simply giving Phil’s shoulder a comforting squeeze before sending a new text: STAY CLOSE.
OKAY.
***
Ted and Veronica finally make it out of the room they woke up in, and Ted quickly thinks that might have been a mistake. It’s like he always tells Rose- if you’re lost, stay put. Wait for someone to find you. Ted never thought he’d be lost inside his own place of business, but without his eyesight that’s exactly what he and Veronica are. For now they feel along the hallway for doors to open and ask anyone who might be inside for help. They don’t find many that are unlocked, and they’ve yet to find another employee.
“Let’s... let’s try to find a phone,” Ted suggests, “We can call 911.”
“And risk exposing Isolationol to our competitors? Guess again.”
Ted sighs, “Veronica, our priority needs to be getting our sight back, not protecting a product that doesn’t even exist yet! A product that won’t exist, if I have any say in it. Not if it leads to more people wandering around lost in their own office building.”
“Well excuse me for looking out for your job, Ted. Isolationol could put Rose through college, plus a master’s program.”
“You really think so? I honestly can’t imagine a single person who hates even potential interaction with other people so much they’d willingly blind and deafen themselves to avoid it.”
“What a charming fantasy world you live in, Ted- I would love to visit it sometime. Look, I’ve found another door. Do you know Lem or Phil’s cell number? If we find a phone I suppose we can try them.”
“Thank you, Veronica.”
Ted walks into the latest room. There’s a rusty metallic smell and an echoic coldness to the place. He keeps hold of Veronica’s hand as she follows, so he feels her stumble, then hears her free hand slap down on something metal.
“Ow!” she cries and Ted hears a strange sound that’s somewhere between a hum and a hiss.
“What? What was that?”
Something on his right is making noises like a chorus of engines revving into life. “CON-NECT-ING MAT-ER-I-AL EXTRA-EXTRA-EXTRA-PO-LA-TED,” declares a grating robotic voice, “IN-I-TI-ATE CELL-CELL-U-LAR RECON-RECON-RECON-!”
“Veronica, what the hell is that?!”
“It’s that stupid Metaltron- it’s always been down here! We’re going to unload it on Geocomtex in a month.”
“Why is it talking?!”
“I don’t know!”
“CELL-U-LAR RE-CON-STRUC-TION F-F-F-FAIL-URE. EX-EX-EX-TER-MI-NATE CAP-TORS. EX-TER-MI-NATE! EX-TER-MI-NATE! EX-TER-MI-NATE!”
“Jesus Christ! Veronica, get behind me!”
“I don’t know where you are!”
Ted yanks hard on her hand and tries to shuffle away from the Metaltron as quickly as he can, arm cast backwards to keep from crashing into anything as well as keep even the most pathetic of barriers between Veronica and the murderous machine. Ted can hear it approaching. It’s stopped shouting “exterminate,” but now seems to be muttering to itself about diverting remaining power to its “energy weapon.”
“Well, at least we know we’re in the sub-basement robotics lab,” Veronica says.
“Fantastic, do you know of anything in the sub-basement robotics lab that can stop this crazy thing?”
“Nothing that can be used reliably without sight.”
“Peachy. If you find a table that has something big and heavy on it, throw it as hard as you can wherever you think the Metaltron is.”
Ted hears a soft thump that brings Veronica to a stop, then the scrape of metal across a table and Veronica’s low grunt. He feels the movement of air past his ear before hearing metal clatter and crash across the floor. “Damn,” Veronica growls, “Missed.”
“CAP-TORS A-TTEMPT-ING RETAL-RE-TAL-I-A-TION. CAP-TORS’ VIS-U-AL FA-CUL-TIES IM-PAIRED.”
“How does it know that?” Ted says, growing more bewildered by the moment.
“I don’t know, but I think it’s less likely to miss than us once its weapon is powered up. Your turn to take a shot in the dark.”
She lifts something else off the table and thrusts it into Ted’s hands. He does his best to get a good grip on the unidentifiable piece of metal and figure out where to throw it. “Hey- hey, Metaltron!” he says, hoping to get a better idea of where the machine is by making it talk, “Why are you acting like this, huh? We didn’t do anything to you. You were here before either of us got hired.”
“THE HU-MANS WILL FEEL THE CLEAN-SING WRATH OF THE-THE-THE-THE-THE-DAL-”
Suddenly two battle cries fill the air and for Ted the world dissolves in a cacophony of metallic bangs and what can only be described as “ZZZZZAP!” and “ZZZZZZZING!” and finally, “ZZZZZZZZZort.”
Silence falls and for a moment all he hears is various people’s labored breathing. “Ted, Veronica? Are you two okay?”
“Phil? Is that you and Lem? We-”
“Ted,” Lem says, “We can’t hear you. The Isolationol- it apparently affected us differently. You two, clearly, are blind as cave crickets.”
Ted has to stop before he does something stupid like ask why Phil asked if they were okay if he wouldn’t be able to hear their answer. He turns towards the place he thinks Veronica is, “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. Though I’m not liking the odds of Lem and Phil figuring out how to fix us when they’re deaf.”
He puts down whatever hunk of robot Veronica handed to him in the heat of battle, and reaches out to find her forearm. He follows it up until he can cup her elbow and bring her close to him. To his surprise, she allows it. Even lets her cheek rest against his shoulder.
“We’ll- we’ll work out what went wrong, you guys,” Lem says, “Everything’ll be fine.”
***
Thankfully, everything is. After bringing Ted and Veronica out of the sub-basement and back to the main lab, Phil and Lem get to work finding an antidote for the Isolationol. Lulled by the near-constant sounds of two text message jingles, Ted and Veronica nod off, her head still on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her.
Ted wakes to see Phil’s happy face as he presents a beaker of orange liquid to him. “Phil, is that what I think it is?”
“It most certainly is what you think it is.”
“... What I think it is is something neither you nor I need anymore, since I can see it and you just heard me ask about it.”
Phil blinks, “Oh, yeah, I guess so. Me and Lem were working so hard...”
“You didn’t notice you could hear again?”
Phil nods.
Ted pats his shoulder, “I think you two could use a little time off.”
Beside him, Veronica shifts and hums.
Ted turns to her, “Hey, Veronica, wake up. I’ve got some good news.”
Her head slowly lifts off his shoulder and her eyes open. He grins at her. “I could think of better things to see first after regaining my eyesight, but that’s not bad.”
He chuckles, “I’ll take that as a compliment. You feel like breakfast?”
“I could eat.”
He turns to the scientists, “Lem, Phil...” He intends to invite them along, but one look at them changes his mind, “How about you get some rest? Maybe with one of those white noise generators that play soothing water sounds.”
“Sure thing, Ted,” Lem replies vaguely. Ted calls for Veronica’s driver to take them home. Then he calls Stacy and says he’s dropping by to say hello later on, because the world has never appeared so beautiful and he wants to see how Rose looks in it.
Word Count: 2,937
Disclaimer: Recognize anything? Then it ain't mine.
A/N: For my winning bidder amathela on the qldfloodauction.
Summary: On a Friday evening one of Lem and Phil's experiments goes semi-wrong, leading Ted and Veronica (and elsewhere Lem and Phil) to deal with the consequences.
Spoilers: Minor references to other episodes. Also, to something very special glimpsed in the background during "The Great Repression."
Later, Ted will feel sure it was the fact that he kept his eyes closed upon regaining consciousness that allowed him to keep from panicking immediately.
I’m lying down, he deduces from the feel of a cold flat surface under his body.
I’m wearing one of my suits, he deduces from the pull of fabric as he performs a tentative wiggle.
I’m not hurt, this he deduces from the lack of pain he feels upon wiggling. However, there is an odd but mild burning sensation in his eyes. He presses the heels of his hands against them- and is startled by the resulting explosion of light.
Ted jerks upright, eyes open to figure out where he is. Only, he can’t. He sees the same black void as when his eyes were closed, excepting the unexpected light show. He blinks a few times- still black. He squints to make out shapes in this very dark room- nothing. “Uh...”
“What? Who’s there?” demands a sharp voice from his left.
“... Veronica?”
“Ted? Oh, right, Ted. Of course.”
“Veronica, what’s going on here? Why was I unconscious? And who stuck us in this dark room?”
“Two of those questions are inaccurate.”
“Okay...?”
“I was unconscious too. And we’re not in a dark room. We’re blind.”
Ted absorbs this. “No. No, we’re just... We’re just in an interior room with no lights on.”
“Ted, there would be some light coming from somewhere. Even the light from the hallway coming in beneath the door. Unless the power’s out in the whole building, which isn’t any more farfetched, admittedly.”
Ted closes his eyes and tries hard to think back. This morning- yes, he can remember waking up and getting dressed and having breakfast with Rose. All good. He came in to Veridian, caught up on paperwork, set a few appointments, hammered out a presentation for Monday, and when five o’clock rolled around... didn’t go home. Because Stacy breezed into town so Rose was staying with her this weekend, which meant Ted needed a distraction. That’s why he was glad to get the e-mail from Phil asking him to come down to the labs and check out a new invention, and to bring Veronica if it wouldn’t be inconvenient to her in any way, shape, or form.
Lem and Phil proudly revealed a beaker of blue liquid. “Are you tired of lugging around cumbersome ear plugs and eye masks when you take an airplane ride?” Phil inquired with a gleam in his watery eye.
“Not really,” Ted replied honestly. He’s met a lot of nice people on planes, who offered to buy him things after they landed, like dinner, and one time a boat.
“Well, fret no more,” Lem picked up the thread, “When you want to block out the world, there’s only one thing you need.”
“I’ve found an armed escort helps keep most of the world at bay,” Veronica remarked, “But I suppose that’s technically more than one thing.”
“Allow us to present- Isolationol!” Phil cried with a dramatic flourish at the beaker. “One dose of this and your hearing and vision will be completely dampened for a to-be-determined period of time!”
Ted blinked, “That stuff will turn people deaf and blind?”
“For a to-be-determined period of time!” Phil repeated.
Lem pushed his glasses onto the bridge of his nose, “It gets broken down by the human body in a matter of hours. Or- well, y’know, that’s the plan.”
“But before then, people will be...”
“Like rocks that can taste and smell and feel!” Phil said, still wearing his happy announcer voice.
“Uh huh.” Ted turned to Veronica, “Thoughts?”
Their boss tapped her lips with a slender finger while peering at the beaker. She nodded slowly, “I like it.”
Phil and Lem gasped in delight. Phil’s hand fluttered around his breast, “Thank you, Veronica. I can’t even say how it feels to have your approval.”
“I can,” she said, “It feels like the heavens have opened and God has reached down and chosen you as the one success in a festering pile of failure.” She stalked up to the beaker and leaned over it.
“Uh, Veronica, you might not want to get too close,” Lem said, daring to place his hands on her arm and shoulder.
“Relax, I’m not going to hurt it. I just want to get a good look at our new million dollar baby.”
“Um, well, it’s just that it’s not entirely stable yet- in fact it’s more unstable than most of the things we make here- and usually we keep it on ice- and it’s getting kind of too close to room temperature and I think it’s starting to destabilize andIthinkwereallyneedtogetoutofhere-”
“Veronica...” Ted remembers saying, before his vision filled with blue.
And he remembers running through unfamiliar corridors, hand mopping at his wet face as he cursed Veridian for deciding it was cheaper for emergency showers not to be in the labs themselves, Veronica running silently next to him, his vision starting to black out and an awful vertigo making him stumble...
“Aw crap,” Ted says, “We really are blind.”
“The Isolationol. A face-full for each of us.”
“Not such a great idea, huh?”
“Of course it’s a great idea. Every great idea has a few kinks that need working out first. Ask Edison.”
“Yeah, well, Edison never robbed anybody of their vision.”
“We don’t know that.”
Ted sighs, “On the plus side, at least we aren’t deaf too.”
“Yeah... I wonder why.”
***
The silence wakes Phil up. Opening his eyes, he finds himself lying on the floor of the lab, but there is no noise whatsoever. No hum of machines, no burble of experiments, no happy chirp of Chumley sucking around the floor. He gets to his feet unsteadily, and sees Lem already standing. Or, more accurately, leaning over a lab table looking like he might throw up. Phil hopes he doesn’t. If Lem throws up, he’ll throw up, and it’ll just be generally uncomfortable for everyone.
Lem looks up at him and says something. Phil gestures towards his ears. Lem frowns and reaches across a stack of notepads and pens to his cell phone. He dials something, and in his peripheral vision Phil sees his own cell phone start to vibrate along the lab table surface. He picks up the phone and reads the text message Lem sent: I THINK WE R DEAF.
Phil screams me too as loud as he can, but Lem just shrugs. Phil texts the message back to him.
Lem sends a new one: WHERE R TED N VERONICA?
I DON’T KNOW. WENT 4 HALF?
HALF?
Phil sighs, HELP.
WE SHOULD FIND THEM. MIGHT B HURT.
WHEN WILL- Phil struggles to translate “our bodies break down and absorb this acetamide-based peroxidase” into text-speak- WE GET R HEARING BACK?
Lem shrugs. He looks about as worried as Phil feels, so they share a much-deserved hug. Then they begin the quest to find their bosses.
***
“I can’t tell if this room is the emergency showers,” Ted says.
“Where are the emergency showers?”
“I’m... not sure. I’ve only ever seen signs for them.” Ted stands up straight and points in the direction he last heard Veronica’s voice, “And can I lodge a formal complaint right now about Veridian’s safety measures or lack thereof? Even you have to admit this is ridiculous and didn’t need to happen.”
“All right, all right, I’ll bring it up in the next budget meeting... in2019,” she finishes in Evasive Murmur.
Ted rolls his eyes and goes back to trying to find the door. He’s run into a few tables so far, and possibly some filing cabinets. No windows yet, not that he thinks they would be much help.
“Ted!” Veronica says, “Ted, I found the door.”
“Great!” Without thinking he turns to walk in her direction and marches straight into what he imagines is a desk. He grits his teeth on a groan, “Son of a-!”
“Ted? Are you okay?”
“I’m okay, I’m okay...” He negotiates his way around the damn thing, whatever it is, and takes a few more cautious steps. He jumps when something touches his chest and then latches onto his lapel. “V-Veronica, please tell me that’s you.”
“Yes, you idiot. Take it.”
He wraps his hands around hers. It feels small and soft, and just a little bit shaky. “Hey,” he hears himself say, “It’ll be okay. We’ll find Lem and Phil and they’ll figure out what went wrong and fix it, if it doesn’t fix itself.”
“Of course. I know that,” Veronica sniffs, though she doesn’t let go, even when Ted squeezes her hand.
He hears her open the door and follows her through it. “... I think we’re in a supply closet.”
“Dammit.”
***
It’s weird to walk around with no hearing, Phil finds. Sounds had a way of orienting him, and without them he’s... well, disoriented. It’s almost a claustrophobic feeling, without phones ringing, or the constant hum of distant air conditioning units, or voices coming from offices and cubicles, or elevator dings from down the hall, or... Neither he nor Lem know if their bosses made it all the way to the emergency showers, so they check every room for them.
His phone vibrates in his pocket, U HEAR NYTHING?
NOT YET. They were unconscious for a couple of hours. It’s difficult to guess when the Isolationol will wear off. If it does at all. Phil makes a fifth mental note to sign up for that self esteem class so he won’t jump the gun on showing off a new invention to gain Veronica and/or Ted’s approval again. It’s just not healthy.
His pocket buzzes, WHERE R U?
He looks up from his musings to find himself alone in the hallway. He shouts for Lem, and doesn’t hear it any more than his friend can. Panic grips Phil’s heart, and he scuttles back to where another hallway split off- bumping into Lem as he comes around the corner.
Phil watches Lem scold him and wishes like hell he could hear it. A similar thought must occur to Lem because he stops, simply giving Phil’s shoulder a comforting squeeze before sending a new text: STAY CLOSE.
OKAY.
***
Ted and Veronica finally make it out of the room they woke up in, and Ted quickly thinks that might have been a mistake. It’s like he always tells Rose- if you’re lost, stay put. Wait for someone to find you. Ted never thought he’d be lost inside his own place of business, but without his eyesight that’s exactly what he and Veronica are. For now they feel along the hallway for doors to open and ask anyone who might be inside for help. They don’t find many that are unlocked, and they’ve yet to find another employee.
“Let’s... let’s try to find a phone,” Ted suggests, “We can call 911.”
“And risk exposing Isolationol to our competitors? Guess again.”
Ted sighs, “Veronica, our priority needs to be getting our sight back, not protecting a product that doesn’t even exist yet! A product that won’t exist, if I have any say in it. Not if it leads to more people wandering around lost in their own office building.”
“Well excuse me for looking out for your job, Ted. Isolationol could put Rose through college, plus a master’s program.”
“You really think so? I honestly can’t imagine a single person who hates even potential interaction with other people so much they’d willingly blind and deafen themselves to avoid it.”
“What a charming fantasy world you live in, Ted- I would love to visit it sometime. Look, I’ve found another door. Do you know Lem or Phil’s cell number? If we find a phone I suppose we can try them.”
“Thank you, Veronica.”
Ted walks into the latest room. There’s a rusty metallic smell and an echoic coldness to the place. He keeps hold of Veronica’s hand as she follows, so he feels her stumble, then hears her free hand slap down on something metal.
“Ow!” she cries and Ted hears a strange sound that’s somewhere between a hum and a hiss.
“What? What was that?”
Something on his right is making noises like a chorus of engines revving into life. “CON-NECT-ING MAT-ER-I-AL EXTRA-EXTRA-EXTRA-PO-LA-TED,” declares a grating robotic voice, “IN-I-TI-ATE CELL-CELL-U-LAR RECON-RECON-RECON-!”
“Veronica, what the hell is that?!”
“It’s that stupid Metaltron- it’s always been down here! We’re going to unload it on Geocomtex in a month.”
“Why is it talking?!”
“I don’t know!”
“CELL-U-LAR RE-CON-STRUC-TION F-F-F-FAIL-URE. EX-EX-EX-TER-MI-NATE CAP-TORS. EX-TER-MI-NATE! EX-TER-MI-NATE! EX-TER-MI-NATE!”
“Jesus Christ! Veronica, get behind me!”
“I don’t know where you are!”
Ted yanks hard on her hand and tries to shuffle away from the Metaltron as quickly as he can, arm cast backwards to keep from crashing into anything as well as keep even the most pathetic of barriers between Veronica and the murderous machine. Ted can hear it approaching. It’s stopped shouting “exterminate,” but now seems to be muttering to itself about diverting remaining power to its “energy weapon.”
“Well, at least we know we’re in the sub-basement robotics lab,” Veronica says.
“Fantastic, do you know of anything in the sub-basement robotics lab that can stop this crazy thing?”
“Nothing that can be used reliably without sight.”
“Peachy. If you find a table that has something big and heavy on it, throw it as hard as you can wherever you think the Metaltron is.”
Ted hears a soft thump that brings Veronica to a stop, then the scrape of metal across a table and Veronica’s low grunt. He feels the movement of air past his ear before hearing metal clatter and crash across the floor. “Damn,” Veronica growls, “Missed.”
“CAP-TORS A-TTEMPT-ING RETAL-RE-TAL-I-A-TION. CAP-TORS’ VIS-U-AL FA-CUL-TIES IM-PAIRED.”
“How does it know that?” Ted says, growing more bewildered by the moment.
“I don’t know, but I think it’s less likely to miss than us once its weapon is powered up. Your turn to take a shot in the dark.”
She lifts something else off the table and thrusts it into Ted’s hands. He does his best to get a good grip on the unidentifiable piece of metal and figure out where to throw it. “Hey- hey, Metaltron!” he says, hoping to get a better idea of where the machine is by making it talk, “Why are you acting like this, huh? We didn’t do anything to you. You were here before either of us got hired.”
“THE HU-MANS WILL FEEL THE CLEAN-SING WRATH OF THE-THE-THE-THE-THE-DAL-”
Suddenly two battle cries fill the air and for Ted the world dissolves in a cacophony of metallic bangs and what can only be described as “ZZZZZAP!” and “ZZZZZZZING!” and finally, “ZZZZZZZZZort.”
Silence falls and for a moment all he hears is various people’s labored breathing. “Ted, Veronica? Are you two okay?”
“Phil? Is that you and Lem? We-”
“Ted,” Lem says, “We can’t hear you. The Isolationol- it apparently affected us differently. You two, clearly, are blind as cave crickets.”
Ted has to stop before he does something stupid like ask why Phil asked if they were okay if he wouldn’t be able to hear their answer. He turns towards the place he thinks Veronica is, “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. Though I’m not liking the odds of Lem and Phil figuring out how to fix us when they’re deaf.”
He puts down whatever hunk of robot Veronica handed to him in the heat of battle, and reaches out to find her forearm. He follows it up until he can cup her elbow and bring her close to him. To his surprise, she allows it. Even lets her cheek rest against his shoulder.
“We’ll- we’ll work out what went wrong, you guys,” Lem says, “Everything’ll be fine.”
***
Thankfully, everything is. After bringing Ted and Veronica out of the sub-basement and back to the main lab, Phil and Lem get to work finding an antidote for the Isolationol. Lulled by the near-constant sounds of two text message jingles, Ted and Veronica nod off, her head still on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her.
Ted wakes to see Phil’s happy face as he presents a beaker of orange liquid to him. “Phil, is that what I think it is?”
“It most certainly is what you think it is.”
“... What I think it is is something neither you nor I need anymore, since I can see it and you just heard me ask about it.”
Phil blinks, “Oh, yeah, I guess so. Me and Lem were working so hard...”
“You didn’t notice you could hear again?”
Phil nods.
Ted pats his shoulder, “I think you two could use a little time off.”
Beside him, Veronica shifts and hums.
Ted turns to her, “Hey, Veronica, wake up. I’ve got some good news.”
Her head slowly lifts off his shoulder and her eyes open. He grins at her. “I could think of better things to see first after regaining my eyesight, but that’s not bad.”
He chuckles, “I’ll take that as a compliment. You feel like breakfast?”
“I could eat.”
He turns to the scientists, “Lem, Phil...” He intends to invite them along, but one look at them changes his mind, “How about you get some rest? Maybe with one of those white noise generators that play soothing water sounds.”
“Sure thing, Ted,” Lem replies vaguely. Ted calls for Veronica’s driver to take them home. Then he calls Stacy and says he’s dropping by to say hello later on, because the world has never appeared so beautiful and he wants to see how Rose looks in it.