Underneath the Oak Tree -- Chapter Six
September 24th, 1960
Austin, Texas
Jenna Marie Ackles was born late on a cloudy November morning, the 18th to be exact. And despite the somber situation that surrounded her birth, the tearful refusal from Rosemary to even touch the child, and the overall response from both the Sheppard and Ackles families… Jenna shone.
Alan was clear the moment Jensen walked into the house carrying the babe that Jensen made his bed and he was to lie in it. Alone. Neither Mackenzie nor Donna was given permission to help with the baby; after all, if Jensen had gone through with his marriage, he would not only have a wife at his side, but a mother for his child. In Alan’s words, Jensen was lucky he was even letting such a useless man still reside under his roof, and Jensen believed him.
He listened and accepted the hateful words Alan spat at him every single day every time he moved to warm up a bottle for his crying daughter or change her diaper or simply comfort her. He understood and agreed when Alan commented on how if he had been more like Josh, who had since gotten his own wife, child and worked full time at a pharmacy in Oklahoma, he wouldn’t be such a huge disappointment. Jensen felt useless, taking care of an infant had been so much easier it seemed when it had been Jensen and Donna working together to care for Mackenzie.
Although Jensen believed the words Alan spoke, he knew that he was the only one with the power to change things. He was determined that even if he failed himself? He would not fail his little girl.
And Jenna thrived.
“Will you shut that thing up?” Alan demanded as he slammed his way into the kitchen, causing Jensen to jump and Jenna’s finally quieted wailing to start up all over again. Jensen bit his lower lip, fighting back the retort that was on the tip of his tongue as he glared over his shoulder at his Father.
“She’s just hungry,” he said finally, turning back away to try to get the nipple of the bottle back into Jenna’s searching mouth.
“Well, wouldn’t it be nicer if you had a pair of tits, Jensen?” Alan snorted, moving around the kitchen table to leer at the pair. “Sometimes I think I have two daughters instead of two sons.” Jensen ignored him, grinding his teeth together and continued to rock Jenna slowly.
“Are you queer, Jensen?” Alan’s sudden question made Jensen look up to him in alarm. “You want to be a woman, Jensen? Maybe we should start getting you dresses and lipstick to wear. Should I be trying to find you a suitable husband?”
“Dad?” Mackenzie slipped into the kitchen, throwing Jensen a sad smile before turning to face Alan who looked less than impressed at being interrupted. “I need your help with something…”
“Can’t you see I’m trying to talk to your sister?” Alan jabbed his finger into Jensen’s back, hard, and Jensen felt his blood start to boil his anger almost uncontrollable. The old man was lucky Jenna’s small body occupied both of her father’s arms and was finally settling down and starting to eat again…
“Please? I don’t think I can manage… and Mamma wouldn’t know what to do…” Mackenzie’s pleading worked and with a sigh, Alan followed Mackenzie out of the kitchen, leaving an angrily shaking Jensen behind.
There wasn’t much that surprised Jensen anymore about the way his father treated him. He’d disappointed his father from the very start it seemed, sometimes just by his mere existence… though for the life of him, Jensen couldn’t remember exactly what he had ever done to earn this kind of treatment? But even knowing the cause wouldn’t change the fact that Alan hated him.
His father’s latest torments had started out small… a woman’s make-up powder palette appearing on his dresser, a pink apron hanging on the back of his chair in the kitchen, an increasing number of comments and derogatory suggestions about Jensen’s male gender-or lack thereof. Jensen shrugged off all of Mackenzie’s curious looks and buried the feminine items deep in the back of his closet, tried to look indifferent and uncaring as the his father’s vicious words washed over him. Jensen wouldn’t admit out loud how much it hurt.
Jensen took it, all of it, and promised Jenna in the middle of the night as he kissed her that he would never make her feel the way his father had made him feel, that she was beautiful and perfect and everything he never knew he’d wanted. Because she was.
Jenna managed to awaken something warm deep inside of him and became an extension of Jensen himself. Her large, almond-shaped eyes were much like his-save for the color. He lost himself in the enchanting swirls of blue, brown and green… When she smiled, she lit up whatever room she was in, her chubby cheeks flashing her darling, deep dimples, and Jensen hoped she’d never lose those. She had his nose, his chin, and regrettably, he thought, his ears. When he fell asleep with her curled up against his chest, he found himself indebted to the small fists knotted into the collar of his shirt, knowing how truly lucky someone like him was to have this.
So Jensen made it work for his little Jenna’s sake. He lovingly made sure that Jenna was kept quiet, had been grateful that even during the first few months she’d mostly slept. He had trained himself to be so attuned to her every breath that even her softest sounds were enough to wake him from even the deepest sleep before any screaming could set in, keeping his tiny daughter as well fed and as happy as she could be.
But there was a huge, gaping hole of longing that was slowly dragging Jensen down. He missed his family-but most of all his mother, Donna, who although in the past two years since he’d returned home, had gotten into a routine with her son and somehow found a common ground, was kept at an unreachable distance due to Alan’s interference. His father had managed to make the entire household such a miserable place to be that it was rare for any family member to be outside of their designated living area except for mealtimes and no one from outside ever came to visit. Those four walls were starting to make Jensen’s skin crawl, closing in and slowly suffocating him.
He’d tried taking his child for walks around town, but it seemed like everyone had formed their own opinions on the matter of Jensen being a single parent -by choice-and Jensen was certain that had a great deal to do with the fact that Crowley’s was the only bar worth going to in the town. Rudely people started discussing quite loudly whether he was a ‘brownie’ or not as he passed within earshot. At least Jenna was too young to understand the slurs. But when he finally came across a man who had grabbed his crotch and made an obscene gesture, Jensen had made the decision it was best to retreat to the safety and solitude of his and Jenna’s room.
It was on that fateful morning, however, that Jensen finally realized he couldn’t continue to live like this - not for his own happiness, but for his sweet little, innocent Jenna.
“What are you doing?” Jensen stopped short, eyes wide as he pushed open the bedroom door. He’d put Jenna down for a nap and had quickly gone to shower and shave, knowing she would still be asleep by the time he’d finished. There was always a chance she would be laying on the bed, cooing to herself while she waited for him to return, but what he hadn’t expected was to see Alan standing at the end of the bed with Jenna in his arms.
“She’s my granddaughter, ain’t she?” Alan threw him a challenging glare before looking down at Jenna who was shifting uncomfortably in her blanket. “She’s under my roof. I can look at her.” Jensen stayed silent and threw his damp towel onto the bed. He stepped closer, hands itching at his side to yank Jenna out of Alan’s arms. When she started to cry, Jensen felt his heart lodge in his throat, and Alan scowled.
“She’s probably hungry,” Jensen cleared his throat after a moment when Alan made no move to comfort the crying child or hand her back. His father stood unmoving until Jensen made the mistake of reaching for her. Alan reacted quickly, yanking Jenna up and away from Jensen’s outstretched hands. She let out a wail and Jensen watched in horror as his father shook the child, he could see Alan’s fingers dug roughly into her tiny ribs, hard and cruel and in no way meant to be against a child’s skin.
“Shut it up!” He yelled and Jenna bawled even louder.
“Give me my child!” Jensen slammed his left arm across Alan’s chest, blocking his arms from moving and tore Jenna loose with his free hand. He instantly curled her protectively against his chest and turned to face Alan, anger soaring through him. He hissed, “What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“You should probably feed it,” Alan snorted and it was then that Jensen smelled the whisky rolling off of him - not that he was surprised in the least. Jensen shook his head at him, disgusted. Alan reached out suddenly, pinching Jensen’s chest hard, and he slapped his hand away as he moved back. “Don’t know how you’re gonna feed her with those.” Alan laughed to himself and then staggered out of the room, muttering curses under his breath.
Jensen moved to the door, slamming it shut and sliding down against it until he was sitting on the floor. Jenna was still sobbing quietly and he gently unwrapped her from the constricting blanket, inspecting every inch of her skin, trying to soothe her as he went. There were large, purplish bruises already forming on her stomach and chest and Jensen didn’t bother to hold back the tears as he held her against his chest and they wept together.
When they had both finally calmed down, Jensen knew that something had to change. Slowly, he pushed himself up off the floor and carried Jenna with him as he moved downstairs - she was sleeping again, curled into his chest, but Jensen didn’t think he would ever put her down in this house again.
As he entered the living room he looked towards the wide dining room doorway and into the kitchen beyond to make sure he had some privacy. He knew his mother and Mac had said something about going to the grocery store and he was pretty sure the old man was upstairs sleeping off the booze. Assured he and Jenna were alone, he lifted the heavy black receiver from the phone cradle. His fingers were fumbling as he dialed the number and he sighed softly as he pressed the phone against his ear.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Grandma… it’s… it’s Jensen.” Jensen felt his voice shaking, just as his hands were, and for a moment he wanted to laugh at how nervous he was over simply calling his grandparents.
“Jensen? Oh, Albert! Jensen is on the phone!” He smiled when he heard her muffled shout and could picture her trying to cover her yell by pressing the phone against her chest. “Oh Jensen, how are you? We haven’t heard from you in-”
“Way too long, and I apologize for that,” Jensen felt his cheeks flush as he the shame rolled through his stomach.
“That’s alright, I know things have been busy for you… I’m glad you called, we were talking about you just the other day. How have you been?”
“I…” Jensen exhaled slowly, suddenly overwhelmed with the amount of emotions tearing at him right then. Hearing his Grandmother’s voice sent a shock through his body, his tongue suddenly thick and swollen against the roof of his mouth. He missed her, missed the farm. But… maybe his father was right… maybe he was weak, a failure, a disgrace... He shouldn’t subject his grandparents to putting up with him and his problems. He was sure as hell that they had enough of their own…
“Jensen?” Martha said softly and Jensen let his eyes fall closed and he leaned into the sweet sound of her voice, so soft and feminine, full of concern and love. “Jensen… You know you’re always welcome to come back.”
Jensen’s words caught in his throat at that and he wasn’t sure if he made a sound or not. It didn’t matter, Martha knew.
“We’ll prepare your room, okay? It’s been a few months since I’ve talked to Donna or your father… do you still have your little babe with you?”
“Yes, her-her name is Jenna,” Jensen swallowed hard and could almost hear the smile from his grandmother through the phone line.
“That’s a beautiful name, sweetheart. I can’t wait to meet her, Jensen.” She sounded so sincere and it broke Jensen’s heart-this was everything his little girl deserved, and he knew his grandmother wasn’t one for simplicity and he felt himself tearing up at thinking about what they would find when they got there.
“I can probably bring some of Jenna’s stuff with me on the train but…”
“Don’t you worry, honey! It’s my job to take care of my Grandchildren… both of you. You just call me and your Grandfather back with your train travel details and I’ll make sure we get out there to pick you and that precious child up.”
“Thank you, Gram…..” Jensen whispered and Martha was quick to cut him off.
“No, Jensen, you don’t need to thank me. Your Grandfather is getting on in years and it’s about time you learn the rest of the inner workings of this farm and have a nice place for that little girl of yours to grow up.”
Jensen just nodded his head.
He knew what this last move would mean… he’d pack what he could and leave the rest behind. This would be the very last time he would ever be in Texas. He licked his lower lip slowly before answering. “Yeah, I agree. I’ll be home soon.”
September 24th, 1960
Somerset, Vermont
Martha hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment before letting out a deep sigh. She turned slowly and returned to the kitchen where Sherri Padalecki was still hard at work preparing their dinner for that night.
“Who was that?” Sherri looked up from her spot by the sink where she was peeling potatoes.
“Jensen…” Sherri stopped and turned to face Martha, giving her a sad look.
“How is he doing?” She asked softly and Martha gave a rueful shake of her head. Both women knew how Jensen must be faring back in Texas. “Is he coming back?”
“Yeah, he is. I’ll have to clean that upstairs room out and see about turning that old sewing room into a nursery for little Jenna…” Martha reached for her paring knife and started at the potatoes.
“I can’t believe we’re going to have a little one around here again,” Sherri beamed, nudging Martha’s arm. Martha laughed back and nodded.
“I know… it’s been far too long since I’ve held a babe that small.” A companionable silence fell between them for a few moments and then Martha spoke quietly, “I just hope that drunken son of mine hasn’t beaten the light out of that boy… I hope he’ll let us help him.”
“He will Martha,” Sherri reassured the older woman, rinsing her hands quickly under the running water before turning Martha to face her. “That boy has a light shining inside of him that won’t be so easily extinguished. Just give him a few weeks back here with the boys, and Albert, Gerry and Jared will have him back to normal.”
“I hope so, Sherri,” Martha murmured, leaning into Sherri’s hug. “I really hope so.”
September 27th, 1960
Boston, Massachusetts
Jensen shifted Jenna up higher in his arms, talking to her softly as he made his way off of the train. He’d managed to pack a small duffel bag-mostly of Jenna’s clothing, bottles and diapers-and he could easily carry both of them as he shouldered his way through the crowd and out onto the waiting street.
He ignored the curious looks they got, people’s eyes searching behind him for his wife, the questioning looks about why he and not Jenna’s mother was carrying her, and just continued to focus ahead. He was determined not to let his nerves get the best of him. He was going home; there was nothing to worry about, nothing at all anymore.
He smiled when he recognized the old, worn pickup truck and found himself picking up his pace, eager to see his Grandfather’s face. He smiled when he saw the door open and then, when the tall man stepped out, Jensen froze.
He looked good… his skin a golden brown from summer sun’s onslaught, his hair longer, almost falling into his eyes. He was taller, too, though... though maybe not quite as tall as Jensen. But it was his eyes, the eyes that Jensen was reminded of every time he looked at Jenna and the eyes he saw in his dreams, were better than he remembered. He looked up slowly, a small smile on his lips as Jared’s eyes met Jensen’s.
“Hey,” he said softly, his voice had lost all of its boyish soft tone and Jensen shivered. He hadn’t seen Jared in over two years, and where time had been tricky for Jensen? It had been good to Jared. The sixteen-year-old had filled out, was starting to lose his long-limbed, gangly look and Jensen found himself staring at him, unable to move. It was Jenna squirming in his arms that brought their attention back to the moment and Jensen was able to shake his head and focus.
“Hey,” he replied, finally, clearing his throat as he took a step forward. “Thanks for coming to get us.”
“Yeah, no problem.” Jared smiled back, his eyes trained on Jenna. “You, uh... You had a kid.”
“This is Jenna,” Jensen nodded back, rocking Jenna a bit in his arms. Jared leaned down and lifted her tiny hand with one finger.
“Hello, Jenna, nice to meet you.” Jenna cooed and smiled and Jensen released a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. There was an awkward pause before both men jumped into action-Jared grabbing Jensen’s bag and making a show of setting it in the back and Jensen adjusting Jenna’s blanket before getting both of them settled in the passenger seat of the truck. When they started driving, Jensen was more than grateful for the distraction the radio provided.
They drove in silence, Jenna and Jensen drifting in and out of sleep. As they passed the large, wooden sign that welcomed them to Vermont, Jared started nervously tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, drawing Jensen’s attention to him.
“Everything okay?” he asked after a moment and Jared froze, gripping the steering wheel tightly.
“Yeah, of course...” Jared offered quickly, eyes darting over to Jensen, down to Jenna and then back to the road. “Just... You had a baby.” Jared laughed nervously. “I guess I know why you ran now...”
Jensen felt guilt instantly twist in his stomach and he closed his eyes for a moment, rolling his response over in his mind before he spoke.
“That... that isn’t why I ran, Jared,” he sighed, biting on his lower lip. “And yes, I did have Jenna, and she’s... God, Jared she’s everything to me. But...”
“Who was she?” Jared asked softly.
“Rosemary...”Jensen mumbled, “Her name was Rosemary.” Jared snorted then and Jensen shot him a look, surprised Jared had remembered and recognized her name. “I broke her heart.”
“Oh...” Jared trailed off and Jensen couldn’t stop himself from staring at him, focusing on his profile, the determination in his gaze as Jared forced himself to stay looking forward at the road. Jensen half wanted to beg Jared to elaborate... what the hell did ‘oh’ mean? That Jared could relate and felt bad for Rosemary, that Jensen was a heartbreaker and had broken his heart too? Or, oh, good, you’re not tied down to the woman you left back home and that means that maybe... Jensen’s heart skipped a beat as the thought flitted across his mind and he tore his eyes away.
“Yeah,” he responded and turned towards the passenger window. “It’s just me and Jenna now.” The words hung between them, but for once ever since they’d been driving, the silence wasn’t filled with tension and awkwardness. It was more comfortable. And for Jensen? That was all he could ask for.
October 3rd, 1960
Somerset, Vermont
Jensen had fallen back into the swing of things far easier than he would’ve imagined. He was welcomed with open arms, and thankfully, so was Jenna. It was strange watching the people on the farm crowd around his daughter, wanting to hold her, taking turns feeding her-even Gerry and his Grandfather wanted all of the tiny girl’s attention. It was such a contrast to what Jensen’s past eleven months with his baby girl had been like that he was more than thrown for a loop. He felt nervous, anxious to see when the next shoe would drop.
They’d gotten into a routine and it seemed as if Jenna was excited to be up and about so early. Jensen would wake up early and give Jenna her breakfast, wrapping her up tight in her pink blanket, before carrying her out to the barn with him. Since Jared was still afraid of the cows, Jensen was more than happy to take over the milking. He would talk to the cows and to Jenna while he worked, singing songs to them and laughing whenever Jenna let out a giggle.
It was their quiet time and Jensen loved their mornings together. This morning, however, Jenna didn’t want any part of it.
She woke up cranky, squirming and whining throughout the half of the cereal and bottle Jensen managed to get down her throat. She fought the blanket and when he fought back with it, she started screaming. He sighed and lifted her up, throwing the blanket over her shoulders instead. The barn wasn’t much better... she screamed and cried and Jensen spent so much time focusing on his daughter, that the cows were starting to get uncomfortable and impatient.
“Jensen?” Jensen froze where he was bent over Jenna trying to soothe her and looked up to see Sherri stepping into the barn, a small smile on his face.
“Oh, good morning,” Jensen gave her a smile back and lifted Jenna up against his chest. “We didn’t wake you, did we?”
“Oh, no,” Sherri reassured him and moved closer. She leaned over Jenna and ran a hand down her cheek, the child wailing in protest. Jensen winced and apologized quickly.
“I’m sorry... we’re just... having a really bad day today. I can’t get her to calm down, no matter what I try to do.”
Sherri smiled knowingly, and held out her arms. “Can I?”
Jensen hesitated for a moment. Even after the past week he’d spent on the farm, he still wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to someone wanting to hold his baby girl, someone wanting to love her and get to know her. He nodded once and relinquished his hold on her, watching as Sherri’s arms immediately came around the child and she hushed and rocked Jenna quickly. “Just started this morning?”
“Yeah,” Jensen gave a small smile, his heart aching as he listened to Jenna wail louder. Her little cheeks were bright pink and wet with her tears. Helpless, he felt completely helpless.
“Has she pooped?” Sherri glanced up at Jensen who nodded. That information had her looking back down at Jenna. She ran her hand over the baby’s cheek gently and then chuckled to herself.
“What are you-?” Jensen stopped mid-sentence and watched in confusion as Sherri gently pushed her index finger between Jenna’s lips. The child’s eyes widened and she stopped screaming as she tried to figure out what was going on. Sherri rubbed her fingertip along Jenna’s gums and after a few, short, and slightly pitiful cries, Jenna was silent.
“She’s teething, poor little thing. Doesn’t feel so good, does it, baby girl?” Sherri smiled as she bounced Jenna lightly, humming to her as she continued rubbing her gums. “We will have to see if Grammy can get you something cool to chew on, what do you think?”
“Teething?” Jensen repeated and gave a short laugh. “Teething. Seriously...” He felt his cheeks flame up. He could remember when Mackenzie started teething and wanted to kick himself for not recognizing his own daughter was in that same pain. What a great father he was shaping up to be...
“Hey, hey, I can hear you thinking from over here!” Sherri ducked her head, getting into Jensen’s line of sight. “That’s what you have family for, to help you pick up on the little things.” She smiled and Jensen glanced up to meet her eyes. “For anything, Jensen… I mean that. We’re here to help you in whatever you need, especially if it involves this little beauty.”
“Thank you, Mrs. P,” Jensen whispered, finding it suddenly hard to speak. Sherri pulled her finger from Jenna’s mouth and the child stayed quiet, curling into her chest.
“No need for that, Jensen,” Sherri shook her head and with one quick move, grabbed him and pulled him in for a one-armed hug. “You’re family and this is what we do.” She gave him another quick squeeze before turning around to leave the barn, talking to Jenna as she went. “Let’s let Daddy get some work done, okay? You can come inside and help Aunt Sherri and Grandma make some applesauce... how’s that sound?”
Jensen looked after them and pushed back the small sliver of fear he felt as he watched Sherri walk away with his Jenna. She would be okay, they both would be, and for the first time that morning, Jensen smiled.
November 24th, 1960
Somerset, Vermont
Jensen made his way to the barn, whistling as he walked. The ground beneath his boots was still frozen, the morning sun not having made its way up high enough to thaw it out. The air was crisp and cold against the back of his throat and Jensen was glad that Sherri and his Grandmother had all but refused to let Jenna out of their sight today. They had decided to celebrate Jenna’s first birthday today along with Thanksgiving, and his one year old daughter was more than delighted to sit in the kitchen while Martha and Sherri bustled back and forth and shoved small bites of frosting and pie filling into her mouth claiming Jensen was too strict on the amount of sweets he gave her and rectifying that was ‘their job’.
Jensen felt good, truly happy, and he couldn’t remember feeling this way since... the last time he’d been on the farm. He milked the cows quickly but took his time filling and labeling the containers before putting them into storage. The sooner he went inside, the sooner his grandmother would be putting him to work either peeling or cleaning something. He smiled at the thought.
The farm life still shocked him with how unlike any home setting Jensen had ever been a part of. They all worked as a team, no matter what the task was, and as much as he didn’t mind helping out his grandmother, he also didn’t mind stalling for a bit. Jensen made his way to the loft, his stomach fluttering when he realized he hadn’t been up there since the night Jared kissed him.
Jensen sighed to himself and made his way up the ladder, freezing at the top when Jared’s wide, hazel eyes met his.
“Jared?” Jared swallowed hard and gave a nervous laugh. “I didn’t even know you were up here...”
“I... come up here sometimes...” Jared shrugged, immediately looking down at his feet. Jensen moved beside him and sat down, throwing his legs over the edge of the loft. He could see down to the milking station and suddenly realization dawned. When he looked over at Jared he could see the tops of his ears and the back of his neck were bright red, the rest of his face hidden between his knees.
Jensen exhaled slowly and leaned back on his hands, gazing at Jared from his side vision. He cleared his throat once before speaking. “I… I just wanted to say that… I’m sorry for that summer and running away, you know?”
Jared looked up at that, eyeing Jensen carefully. “Okay,” he said slowly, waiting for Jensen to continue.
“Well… I just…” Jensen shrugged, not knowing what he was trying to say. Jared had grown up and Jensen would be fooling himself if he said he wasn’t attracted to Jared. Because he was… the past week, he couldn’t stop himself from staring at the younger man. He was grateful that Jared and his relationship hadn’t been as awkward as he’d feared, but it was still changed. “I’m just glad things are okay between us. I missed having you around.”
Jared nodded once and turned his head away, staring back down at the bottom of the barn. Jensen was confused, wondering where the sudden coolness came from. Then, Jared shook his head.
“Jensen… I like you… still,” Jared’s tone was steady, but the position of his shoulders told Jensen he was anything but calm. “Even after you left, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And…” Jared sighed and shrugged his shoulders.
“Jared… You know that it’s wrong…”
“No, Jensen.” Jared snapped, turning his full attention around, his eyes wild as they met Jensen’s own. “How is it wrong? How is caring and loving someone ever wrong? It doesn’t make any sense.” Jared gave a short laugh. “We’re taught as children to respect and care and love the people around us. That’s all Sunday school preaches about. So please, tell me, how the way I feel about you is wrong?”
“You know what I mean Jared, you know what people say. Being… being a fag isn’t good. It’s a sin…” Jensen fought to explain.
“A sin? You mean like having a child out of wedlock?”
Jensen’s eyes snapped up and he knew when Jared looked ashamed that the hurt he felt at the words was displayed perfectly on his face.
“Jensen,” Jared sighed and shifted his position. “I’m just saying that a lot of people have different opinions on things that are good and righteous, wrong and evil… and I highly doubt that just loving another person grants you a spot in hell.”
“If people knew… if they saw….” Jensen whispered, his heart starting to thunder harder in his chest.
“It has nothing to do with anyone other than you and me, Jensen. Why does anyone else have to know?” Jensen’s eyes snapped up and he met Jared’s, could feel the sweat breaking out across his brow. “If I kissed you right now, like I did that night… why would anyone other than you and me have to know?”
Jensen swallowed hard, his eyes flicking down to Jared’s lips and then back up again. He didn’t have an answer, he couldn’t think past the blood pounding in his ears or the shaking of his hands. He waited, frozen, for Jared to make a move.
“I’m going to kiss you, Jensen. Because I really, really want to,” Jared’s voice was low, causing Jensen’s stomach to flip. “If you don’t want it… you have to say so. You have to tell me right now-”
Jensen surged forward, pressing their lips together and swallowing the surprised noise that escaped Jared’s mouth. Jared hesitated for a moment, waiting to see if Jensen would pull back, if he was going to run again, but when Jensen leaned in further, Jared moved. He wrapped his left arm around Jensen’s neck, pulling him closer while his other hand found Jensen’s hip.
Jensen’s entire body was singing and he pushed back the overwhelming feeling of panic and focused on the warm, wet heat of Jared’s mouth and the comfort of his touch. He relaxed into the kiss, melting into Jared.
They stayed like that, kissing lazily in the loft of the barn until they were being called in for dinner.
Master Post || Chapter Five || Chapter Seven