Underneath the Oak Tree -- Chapter Five
August 29th, 1958
Somerset, Vermont
Jared’s lips were soft, so soft as they ghosted over Jensen’s, teasing as they trailed across his mouth, against his jaw, down his neck… Jensen closed his eyes and let his head fall back, his hands gripping Jared’s hips tightly as Jared worked his way around the exposed flesh, kissing and nipping as he went.
Jensen hissed as Jared gave a sharp bite, his body responding as he pulled Jared closer and leaned down to catch his lips again. Their mouths moved together, Jensen’s tongue slipping between Jared’s lips to tangle with Jared’s own. He was surrounded by the other boy. Everywhere their bodies touched, his skin was on fire. He could smell and taste and feel Jared.
He pulled back and met lust-blown hazel eyes and opened his mouth to speak when a loud train whistle split through the silence, ripping him from the field and the oak tree he’d been pressed up against and back into the cruel, cold world of reality.
Startled, Jensen gasped and his eyes flew wide open, his heart pounding in his chest as his eyes darted around the train car interior. He was glad he had his duffel across his lap but he still eyed everyone in the vicinity, his cheeks and ears reddened. No one seemed to notice they were sitting next to a filthy-minded, cursed man… a man bound for hell.
Jensen exhaled slowly, leaning his head back into the seat and turned to gaze out the window. The sky was dark and the window bounced his own reflection back at him. He looked pale, his eyes wide with large, darkened circles under them. He hadn’t been able to sleep since that night.
When he ran from Jared, he continued running, past the barn and across the fields, back down to the new well system and sank to the muddy ground when he’d reached it. He could barely see the house in the distance, only a few lights had been left on for him and Jared. He swallowed hard and felt his stomach roll.
He could still feel the heat of Jared pressed against his lips and his stomach rolled in both fear and anticipation. The last flash of hurt that had crossed Jared’s face was burned into his mind and Jensen pulled his knees to his chest, falling backwards against the rough, wet earth. His jeans were soaked through, he could hear his teeth chattering and every drop of rain that had snuck past his sopping wet collar and down onto his skin made him shiver. If he had stayed… if he hadn’t run… he would probably still be wrapped in Jared’s warmth.
Jensen let out an anguished wail and stayed there trembling and shivering through the lingering storm until the power of it diminished and then at long last, the drizzle finally surrendered to the approaching dawn. The reappearing sun quietly started to light the early morning sky. He made his way back to the house, glad his Grandfather hadn’t yet made it out of the bedroom. He quickly showered and dressed and met his grandparents and the Padaleckis in the kitchen for breakfast.
Jared wasn’t there.
“Jared joining us?” Albert asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee and nodding across the table to Gerry. His eyes, however, strayed to Jensen as if Jensen would have the answer. Jensen felt himself blanch and he busied himself making his own coffee, his ears tuned in to anything Gerry had to say.
“No… Feeling sick today, Sherri thinks he’s coming down with something,” Gerry replied and added three sugars to his coffee, stirring the brown liquid with his spoon. “Hopefully he’ll be doing better after he sleeps for a bit. Didn’t come in ‘til pretty late last night…”
Jensen turned away from them completely, his hands trembling against his cup of coffee. He counted to ten, trying to keep his breathing steady. He waited for the questions-they had to have known Jared and Jensen were together. Lately, they always were. And what if… what if they figured it out? What if they knew? Jensen pushed the cup onto the counter, releasing it before he dropped it and stepped back as if it were on fire.
“I’ll be out in the barn,” he stammered and strode quickly across the room, slipping out the door, and was halfway to the barn before the screen door slammed back into place.
What if Jared was sick because of what they had done? Because it was filthy and wrong and now he was being punished? Or what if he had told his parents... And they were keeping him away from Jensen for his own safety?
Jensen's stomach twisted painfully again and he stole quickly into the milk house -- a new construction off the main barn to store the new milk surplus -- and grabbed the milking supplies he would need.
Although they had received some new equipment along with the herd of Ayrshire that made milking faster, Jensen still preferred the one on one with a cow instead of hooking her up to the 'E-Z Milker'. Both the cows and Jensen thought it looked like a torture device...
He focused on the cows, took the trips he needed to the bulk tank to start cooling the milk down, and tried to ignore the anxiety settling into his gut when no one came to see what he was up to.
He'd gotten through a good half of the herd by the time Jeff finally appeared, dragging the E-Z Milker along with him.
"You're gonna be here all day like that, Jen," he waved at the cow Jensen was working on and Jensen shrugged in response. Jeff snorted and went to fetch the next cow and they worked together in silence-- Jeff milking nearly four times as fast as Jensen was.
The rest of the day went like that: Jensen stayed silent, eyes trailing to the Padalecki's house whenever he crossed near it, and Jeff staying unnaturally quiet, leaving Jensen to his thoughts.
It was at supper that night that Jensen made up his mind.
Jared came to dinner, his eyes were red and he was sniffling. Sherri said it was allergies and Jensen couldn't stop staring. Jared caught his eyes once, a challenge echoed in them, and Jensen pulled his eyes away. Jared sighed and excused himself before his supper was finished.
Jensen hadn't seen him since that night, the five minutes at supper, and Jensen was sure he'd never see him again.
"Ticket?" Jensen shifted in his seat, pulling himself from the memory when the conductor appeared at his side. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the ticket, giving a small nod when it was punched and returned.
He stared down at it, half of the word 'Texas' had been punched out, but it didn't stop the nausea from rising.
His mother hadn't believed him when he'd called and told her he was coming back... He could only imagine the look he was going to get from Alan when he showed up on the doorstep.
But he would beg if he had to. Apologize and say he was wrong, admit that Alan was right until he was blue in the face: anything to be able to stay. Because if anything, Jensen didn't have a home anymore, and he would take what he could get.
February 10th, 1959
Austin, Texas
"Jensen? Jensen you promised!" Rosemary pressed herself over the bar, the fabric of her skirt riding up just enough to show off a pale pink thigh, and Jensen swallowed hard as he trailed his eyes up her body.
She was pouting, thick pink lips pursed and her eyes as wide as she could make them. Beside her, the man at the bar was also looking, and Jensen slammed his beer down a little too hard, catching the guy’s attention with a sharp glare.
"I know, baby, I know," he threw her a smile when the man turned away and Jensen turned back to her. Her large, hazel eyes were sad when they met his, and he had to force himself not to look away, not to think about them. He looked at her lips instead.
She smiled at that, dimples flashing and Jensen ignored the roll of his stomach when she leaned forward to capture his lips in a quick kiss. When she pulled away he could taste her lipstick that now stained his mouth as well.
"I will be there in five, okay?"
"You better," she winked at him and spun on her heel, letting herself out of Crowley's like she owned the place. And she kind of did... At least, her father did. Jensen sighed and went back to cleaning the bar. Efficiently he wiped down the counter, restacked the clean glasses and took the empty glass bottles with him as he left.
“See you tomorrow,” he called over his shoulder as he pressed his chest against the front door. Mark looked up from the cash register and nodded once at him.
“Have her home by ten, Jensen.”
“Of course, Sir,” Jensen waved and turned into the fading sunlight. Rosemary was standing beside his bike, his leather jacket already slung over her shoulders and she flashed him a bright, warm smile that Jensen couldn’t help but return. “Impatient today?”
“Well, Mr. Ackles,” she teased, hands coming up to curl in the front of his shirt to pull him in for a kiss. “My Mother left this morning for Dallas to visit my Grandfather… and my Father is going to be working late at the bar tonight…” She smirked against his lips and Jensen swallowed hard.
“Well,” he whispered, hands grazing across her hips as he pulled her in. “What are we waiting for?”
Jensen parked his motorcycle and held out his arm to help Rosemary off. She gave him a small smile, a peck on the cheek, and the moment they got into the house, she pointed off down the hallway and told him to go and meet her in her room before she disappeared into the bathroom.
Jensen swallowed hard, his heart racing and his palms starting to sweat as he sat down on the edge of the bed. He’d never been in here before… the room was simple, shades of pink and white covered nearly every inch of the room, and when he heard the bathroom door open his heart started and jumped to his throat.
It was okay to be nervous, he told himself. If Mark Sheppard came home and saw Jensen sitting in his daughter’s bedroom, if he knew what it was they had planned… Jensen let out a soft sigh. It was normal to be nervous and it had nothing to do with the fact that there was something that felt so very wrong about this.
When the bedroom door pushed open, he swallowed again, eyes trailing over Rosemary as she sauntered into the room wearing a light pink bathrobe. The material shimmered in the light and he had more of an urge to touch the fabric than he did her skin…
She smiled, shyly and shut the door behind her before she closed the distance between them. He sat frozen, eyes trailing up her body until he met her large hazel eyes and she shivered, letting them fall closed.
They shouldn’t be doing this. This was wrong… They weren’t married, they’d barely been a couple long enough to have a proper conversation about this… Rosemary reached down to take his hands in hers and dragged his palms up her body. He pushed away his doubts, clinging to the one thought that would get him through this. This is what he should want. This is what good, Catholic boys wanted.
She was soft under his hands, her breasts filling his entire palms, and when she moaned above him he closed his eyes and focused on getting her to make the breathless sound again. Rosemary was beautiful, smart and charming, she’d gotten his father and mother both wrapped around her little finger. She had a fire that burned in her, had a quick wit and was everything Jensen should’ve wanted in a woman. She deserved this, deserved to be happy, and Jensen would do his damnedest to make it so.
When she crawled up onto the bed, planting a knee on either side of his hips, he sealed their lips together, throwing everything he had into that one kiss. He was glad that she’d at least removed the lipstick.
He kept his eyes closed, shivered when her fingertips opened his shirt and ran across his exposed chest. He ran his hands up her body, pushing the thin, satin nightgown she’d changed into out of the way. He breathed her in, focusing on her sounds, repeating motions that made her cry out softly.
“Jensen,” she breathed against his neck, her hands working to free them of the rest of his clothing and he sat back and let her, felt his body responding to her touch and was instantly relieved. He hissed when she ran her hand across his hardened length, her skin cool to the heated flesh and making him shiver.
He groaned and let her push him back further onto the mattress, sitting atop his lap as she pulled the nightgown over her head and they were both left completely exposed. She was breathing hard, suddenly nervous and Jensen reached for her, offering what comfort he could. He kissed her then, sharing the moment with her… of something new, something that would change him, would change them. No matter what lurked in the deepest corners of his mind, he knew there was no going back from this.
Finding that common ground, Jensen pulled at her hips, his tongue slipping between her lips, tangling with her tongue. She moaned into his mouth and he drank it in, his fingers digging into her flesh as she ground her heat down against him. She shifted them then, laying back and pulling Jensen with her and he went willingly, guiding her legs upward to wrap around his hips.
He pressed against her slowly, sliding into the soft, wet heat of her body and she gasped, fingernails digging into his shoulders. He rolled his hips gently, working their bodies until small gasps and moans were spilling again from her mouth. He closed his eyes and told himself this was right, this was good, this was perfect. She moaned, loud and breathless and when he met her eyes, it sent a shock straight through him. Large, shining hazel, lust-blown and beautiful... When he came he muffled his sob in the crook of her neck and when she wrapped her arms around him, kissed his face and told him "I know, me too, Jensen." He didn't bother to correct her.
Because this was right, this was good and this was perfect. Everything he should have wanted…but never had.
He collapsed beside her and they lay there in silence, the room permeated with the smell of sex. Slowly, Rosemary drifted off to sleep, her breasts rising and falling with each soft breath she took. It was then that he let himself cry, just once, before he woke her up and made love to her again.
May 18th, 1959
Austin, Texas
Mark Sheppard was home that night, leaving Rosemary’s house off limits and Jensen’s house was never an option. Although Alan and Donna adored Rosemary and gave her an open invitation, Rosemary knew, even without asking, that Jensen preferred to be anywhere else.
Jensen found Rosemary’s hand, interlocking their fingers together as they strolled into the movie theater. He liked nights like this-when it was just the two of them, and he was able to really be himself. His only responsibility was keeping Rosemary happy with whatever they chose to do-and Jensen found milkshakes and movies a hell of a lot easier to indulge in than trying to entertain her in the bedroom.
Tonight, however, Rosemary was off. He squeezed her hand and she offered him a small smile, pulling him forward into the safety of the dark theater. Jensen sighed knowing she would tell him eventually. However, with the unknown whatever between them, he couldn’t pay attention to anything playing on the screen, and he couldn’t blame Rosemary in the slightest.
She continued to sigh softly, barely touched the popcorn they’d bought, and refused to hold his hand through much of the film. Jensen’s eyes were trained on the couple sitting at the very front of the theater. He glanced around him at the other movie-goers, none of them seeming to have noticed the couple in the front.
Their heads were pressed in close together and if Jensen shifted, he could see them sharing popcorn, hands brushing and lingering over one another’s. Rosemary noticed his staring, however, and she shook her head slowly as she noticed them too, before turning back to the film. Jensen swallowed hard, his heart pounding in his chest as he waited for something to happen, something to strike the couple down right there in the middle of the theater.
Because they …were two men. For the first time in a long time, Jensen allowed himself to think of Jared, to remember the feeling of their lips moving together, and his heart went to his throat. When the first man leaned forward and kissed the other quickly, Jensen swore his heart stopped completely.
Beside him, Rosemary sighed aloud and shook her head disgustedly and he turned to her, eyes wide.
“They should know better,” she chided, and shook her head once more. “The one on the end? He works at the factory… just got drafted. I guess he’s got nothing left to lose now…” And with that, she turned back to the movie, leaving Jensen trapped in his own thoughts.
Once they were seated in the old Ford pickup Jensen had borrowed from Alan, he sighed softly and flicked on the radio, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel as Johnny Cash’s deep voice thrummed through the speakers. He glanced over at Rosemary, but she was pressed up as close to the door as she could be, her eyes staring out the window at something Jensen couldn’t see.
He bit his lower lip, shifting the truck into drive and pulling out of the parking lot and onto the road. They drove in silence, Jensen heading straight for Rosemary’s house when she suddenly sat up and pointed with a short, ‘pull over there’. Jensen obliged, pulling off the road and putting the truck into park.
Rosemary didn’t seem to have any interest in saying anything else, however, instead she just stared down at her hands lying still in her lap. Jensen waited until Johnny’s rough crooning became the soft sound of Sinatra before he dared clear his throat.
“Rosemary…” he started and sighed, searching for anything to start their conversation off. Part of him wanted to ask why she was being so distant, ask if she was getting sick of him, and he couldn’t deny the slight anticipation that was mixed in along with the fear. “So… that guy that’s being drafted…” he trailed off, not knowing what exactly it was he was trying to say.
Rosemary nodded slowly. “Yeah, I heard him talking when he was at the bar last week while I was waiting for you.” Her voice was soft and he turned the truck off in order to hear her better. “His… friend… was telling him he should get married, get shoved down the list. Now I see why he got so angry at the suggestion.”
“He shouldn’t marry someone just for that reason anyway,” Jensen shrugged and stared forward out the windshield. “At least he can say he’s got something in common with Elvis,” he smirked and turned to Rosemary, hoping he’d gotten her to at least crack a smile.
She turned to him, eyes shining with unshed tears.
“I’m pregnant.”
Jensen felt his eyes widen and he opened his mouth to speak, finding himself at a loss.
She searched his eyes, hazel orbs flicking back and forth, her lower lip trembling. “Oh God, Jensen... I’m pregnant. What are we going to do?”
He nodded slowly. She didn’t need to repeat it… he’d heard her the first time… “I… I don’t…” he shook his head, closing his mouth again.
“I thought… I don’t know…. I was kind of late… I thought it was stress?” He didn’t know if she was asking him or telling him, so he nodded again, staring as tears made their way down her cheeks, spilling onto the dress she wore. “I was just a few weeks… but now…” she closed her eyes tightly and a sob escaped her lips. “What is my father going to say?”
Jensen felt his gut clench. Her father, her family, his family… He ran a hand over his face before reaching for her, pulling her in against his chest. “We… we can get married...” he said softly, the words surprising him and as soon as they were out of his mouth he wanted to take them back. Rosemary nodded against his chest, fingers clenching at his shirt.
“Oh, Jensen,” she sobbed and he ran his hand through her hair, holding her while she cried. When she finally fell silent, his shirt was soaked with her tears, but he could barely feel it… could barely feel anything at all.
“I should… probably get you home,” he cleared his throat and she nodded, pushing up to kiss his cheek.
“I love you,” she whispered, giving him a watery smile. “Thank you, Jensen.” Jensen nodded and flipped the key in the ignition. She apparently hadn’t expected a response, and now that her confession was out there weighing on them both, she curled herself against his side, hand against his thigh, and stayed there the entire drive home.
July 20th, 1959
Austin, Texas
“Jared?” Jensen moved slowly across the yard, peering down the street, searching for his Grandfather’s pickup or Gerry’s big Mercury, something had to have brought Jared here. And… why was Jared here? “What… what are you doing here?”
Jared shook his head sadly and looked over Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen turned and watched Mackenzie step from the house, carrying her baby doll all wrapped up in her arms and he shook his head. Mackenzie hadn’t played with that in years… and at ten, she was too old for dolls…
She strolled past him, hiding the doll’s face from view and took her spot beside Jared, reaching up to take Jared’s hand and Jensen felt like he was missing something. Mackenzie and Jared had never met; why was Mackenzie holding his hand?
“You’re making a mistake.” Jared said suddenly and Jensen jumped, tearing his eyes from their joined hands to meet Jared’s large, hazel eyes. Instead of the warmth he’d been used to seeing, they were cold, void of any emotion. Mackenzie nodded her head slowly and then released Jared’s hand to slip it into the blanket, cooing something to the doll.
“I… what? Why are you here?” he demanded, looking between the two of them.
“You’re making a mistake.” Jared repeated.
“A very big mistake, Jen,” Mackenzie added, turning her green eyes up to him.
“You’re going to regret it,” Jared shook his head sadly.
“You’re going to ruin her,” Mackenzie whispered, hands stilling and Jensen turned his attention to the bundle, jumping back when he saw it squirm, a high-pitched keening coming from it.
“It’s too late,” Jared said softly, and reached again for Mackenzie’s hand. “You can’t build a relationship off of lies.”
“Lies, lies, lies,” Mackenzie cooed, rocking the screaming bundle in her arm. The soft pink blanket started to darken, strips of the fabric shredding before his eyes, falling to the ground before shriveling into ash. Mackenzie took a step towards him and he stepped back, slamming into something solid. He looked up, Alan staring down at him, hatred in his eyes.
“Lies are what guarantee you damnation, Son,” he reached for Jensen’s arms, gripping his shoulders tight and turning him to face Mackenzie.
Mackenzie was in front of him then and thrusting the screaming bundle into his arms. He looked down in horror to see a small child, its skin twisting and contorting to a blackened mass just as the blanket had. He could feel it squirming, hear it screaming, and when he met its eyes, he recognized the deep, soulful, eyes Jared and Rosemary shared and then those, too, went black.
“You killed it,” Alan whispered, and Mackenzie echoed.
“You killed everything,” Jared’s voice cut through and Jensen screamed.
Jensen sat up, his heart thudding rapidly in his chest as he looked around his room. His shirt was soaked with sweat as he fought back the rest of the horrible dream. Jared’s last words screamed through his mind, those hazel eyes darkening, dying. And it was all his fault.
Jensen was supposed to be getting married in two weeks’ time. Two weeks and he would be married to a young woman that he knew in his heart, would do everything in her power to make him happy. A woman, who would make him laugh, would have dinner ready for him when he came home from work, would happily provide him with a family. And every, single day, he would be lying to her.
He felt tears spring to the backs of his eyes and he was angry with himself, angry that he had let things get this far, angry that God, or whoever it was that was supposedly looking down on him, hated every fiber of who Jensen was.
Because everything about Jensen’s life was falling apart...
Jensen dressed quickly, pushing past Mackenzie who gave him a hurt look as he brushed by her with her unanswered inquiry about breakfast, and fled from the house. He walked the three blocks to Rosemary’s house, knocking on the door and forced himself to smile when Mrs. Sheppard answered the door.
“Oh! Jensen, good morning,” she smiled and waved him inside. “Rosie is in her room with the girls. Would you like anything to eat?”
“No, thank you, Ma’am,” Jensen declined and gave her another smile before making his way to Rosemary’s room. Taking one last steadying deep breath, he knocked once on the door before pushing it open and was greeted with the excited squealing of the girls all piled on Rose’s bed, poring over wedding magazines.
“Jensen!” Rosemary gasped, shoving the magazines away and flashing a smile, all dimples and teeth, and Jensen felt his stomach clench.
“Rosemary…” He trailed off and she looked at him carefully, confusion flitting across her face before she waved her friends into the hallway, shutting the door behind them. She led him to her bed and sat beside him, taking his hands in her own.
“Jensen? What’s wrong, darling?” She asked, running her thumb in gentle circles over the back of his hand. She reached up to brush his hair away from his eyes and let her fingers trail across his cheek. He ached to lean into the touch, seeking the comfort he knew she would provide.
“Jensen… you’re scaring me,” she whispered, cocking her head to the side. He looked up and met her eyes, and she gave him a small smile, dimples denting her rose-colored cheeks and Jensen had to look away. “Jensen, darling… what is it?”
“Rosemary… I… I can’t do this.” He felt her freeze, her hands becoming rigid against his. “I’m so sorry, Rose… I’m so, so sorry.”
“Jensen, no,” she shook her head, voice hitching on the verge of tears. “You… you can’t change your mind. I… Jensen, you… you can’t.” When he didn’t answer she pulled her hands from his and tore across the room, hugging herself as she stood before the window.
“Rose, please, just listen to me…” She spun towards him then, tears streaming down her face and stormed back over to him, gripping his shoulders and yanking him up onto his quaking legs.
“No, Jensen. I know, okay? I know that you’re scared. I am too, and it’s okay, because I’m going to make you happy. I promise you. And we’re going to have a little girl, or a little boy, and we’ll get a house in the country…” she was rambling, almost pleading, frantically running her hands up and down his arms while choking back small sobs every few seconds. Her hazel eyes were sparkling and he thought it was so cruel to still look so beautiful when your world was literally falling apart. Because Jensen had no choice but to break her heart.
“Rose, please,” he reached for her, holding her hips before him. “You deserve someone so much better than me,” he whispered.
“No, Jensen, you’re perfect,” she shook her head. “Please, Jensen. I know you must be nervous and I know we haven’t been together that long and we’re doing this all backwards-”
“Rosemary, I can’t… I can’t… marry you.”
She felt silent, tears still streaming down her cheeks but she pulled away from him, shaking her head when he moved to reach for her again. “Is… is it someone else?” she whispered and Jensen felt his heart breaking.
“I… Yes,” he answered honestly, the only thing he could give her. The sound of the crack of her hand against his cheek was more forceful than the slap, the stinging was a welcome feeling. He swallowed hard and met her eyes.
“I’m pregnant, Jensen.”
“I know, Rose, I know,” he whispered back and closed his eyes. She sniffed once more before moving to the bedroom door, her hand twisting around the handle. She stood there, the silence washing over them; it made Jensen’s ears ring. His throat felt tight as he watched her shoulders begin to shake, her eyes never leaving the spot they were fixed at on the floor.
He knew that this was his fault and he couldn’t begin to imagine the things that were flying through her head right then. She drew in a shaky breath and Jensen’s eyes were immediately back to her’s.
“I’m pregnant,” she repeated and he nodded once, dumbly. “What am I supposed to say to my father?” Her voice cracked and he felt his heart to the same. He wanted to tell her that he hadn’t wanted any of this -- it had never been his intention to hurt her, to break her heart or rearrange her entire life.
He so desperately wanted to be normal; to fall in love with a girl, to start a family, to make his family proud of the man he was coming. There was no way that would be happening now... He almost reached for her then, searching for the words he needed to explain that this really, truly wasn’t about her. That Jensen himself was just that messed up; she would be better off without him.
Instead, a pained expression crossed her face as she watched his hand reach out and she said, “I think you need to leave, Jensen.”
Jensen nodded silently and pushed away from the bed. He hesitated when he was beside her, thought about apologizing again, trying to see if there was anything he could do to make this better, but the expression on her face made him stop. He quietly made his way out of the house, ignoring the girls that were waiting in the kitchen and even Rosemary’s mother. He had no business here anymore.
Master Post || Chapter Four || Chapter Six