stuck in place
Ye gods, this is making me crazy! I’m soooo into her, and I have no idea if she’s into me. She keeps hugging me, yes, but not in a way that seems designed to lead to anything. I want so very, very badly to kiss her, and the last two times we hung out I had every intention of doing so, but last time her roommates were there, and this time… Well, ok, I kind of chickened out. No moment seemed right. I was very cuddly with her, and even put my head on her shoulder a couple of times, but only for a moment, and only when the Buffy episode warranted it. Everyone around me seems shocked that we haven’t gone anywhere with this, what with her being my girlfriend and all…. But just because I say she’s my girlfriend doesn’t mean she thinks of us as together. She seems as enthused as me to be hanging out together, but she was checking out the guys on Buffy last night much more than the girls, and that’s HARD with Season 7, there are all those Potentials and so few males…. She might not be thinking of kissing me or being with me or anything at all, in which case I’d feel like an idiot if/when I kissed her and she reacted badly. But on the other hand, maybe she does want to be with me, and it’s just that she’s as bad at making the first move as I am. We could keep doing this for ages, being all cuddly and friendly without it going anywhere, and both of us waiting for the other to make the first move. Either way, meanwhile, I’ve lost most of my interest in seeking out other relationships- she’s just so wonderful, and kind of exactly what I look for in a person/relationship/etc. I think about her so much, and I hope very strongly that she thinks about me too. I just wish I had some sort of indicator, some gesture that told me when the moment was right to kiss her, or at least that she wouldn’t take it amiss. That’s my big fear, you see, that she will freak out and give me the whole “I don’t think of you that way” bit. AAArrrgggghhhh….
Just a couple of lighter notes about the whole thing- first off, my friend Flew got a song stuck in my head about her, and now, sometimes when I think about her I start going “Scottie doesn’t know that Fiona and me do it in my van every Sunday…”, which is mostly amusing, though slightly annoying. Secondly, I’ve invited her to join the writing staff for my show, and she said she was flattered and of course she’d do it. Yay, now I have two people for my writing staff, and both of them are both creative and knowledgeable about Pagan stuff.
Just a couple of lighter notes about the whole thing- first off, my friend Flew got a song stuck in my head about her, and now, sometimes when I think about her I start going “Scottie doesn’t know that Fiona and me do it in my van every Sunday…”, which is mostly amusing, though slightly annoying. Secondly, I’ve invited her to join the writing staff for my show, and she said she was flattered and of course she’d do it. Yay, now I have two people for my writing staff, and both of them are both creative and knowledgeable about Pagan stuff.