Here, have a rant about last night's Doctor Who and its various levels of fail
I never normally do things like this, but dear God I have not been able to stop thinking about Let's Kill Hitler all day and every time I have done I've tasted bile in the back of my throat.
Alright, that's an exaggeration, but Christ Moffat, you fucked up.
First off, let me say that the cast clearly did the best they could with an exceptionally poor script. None of last night's trainwreck was their fault.
Various problematic elements of last night's script:
1. 'Is it just me, or did a ten-year-old write this?' - my dad about twenty minutes in. The episode was peppered with ridiculous bits of dialogue; I actually cringed at 'Doctor very lost, Doctor very confused' or however else it was worded. River's catchphrases felt completely forced. Everything Mels said and how she said it gave me second-hand embarrassment. Just. God. No.
2. Steven Moffat and his casual misogyny: 'I'm trying to focus on a dress size!' My eyebrows disappeared into my fringe. River checking out her arse. River running off to find some scales. River going 'clothes shopping' as a matter of great urgency. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK MOFFAT I AM SICK OF YOUR MISOGYNIST BULLSHIT FUCKING STOP IT AND SUE VERTUE PLEASE HAVE A STERN WORD. Seriously, if I have to deal with this crap in Scandal, I'm going to throw things.
3. How do you solve a problem like Mels? - Let it be said that I despise characters like this. ~*LolLOL I iz SuCh a trubbLEMaker I stEAL busesz aNd WanNa Kill HiTlerRZ LoLlLlLzzzz*~ Everything about her was forced and awkward and underdeveloped and she was so two-dimensional. And she was one of those awful 'feisty' 'badgirl' characters and I honestly started to not give a toss about her within a minute of her being onscreen.
4. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT HAPPENED AGES AGO LOL LOL LOOK IT'S FUNNY HAHAHA LOL: The historian part of me (and that is a big part of me) fumed at the setting of Nazi Germany. I love a bit of historical DW, I really do, but there was no need for this episode to be set in Nazi Germany, other than as a marketing ploy and for some LOLOLSOHILARIOUS gags (I am looking at you, gay gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled.) Oh, and of course, getting River to sex up an SS uniform. Totally appropriate and historically sensitive, Moffat, well done! You dick. It was all just so unnecessary and quite offensive in its treatment of the period that I'm still feeling uptight about it, 24 hours on.
5. Holy riculous amount of plotlines, Batman! - The Doctor's dying oh noes and they're looking for the baby and they can't find the baby and SURPRISE YR BABY'S YR BEST FRIEND and River's evil and Hitler's there and here's a bit of Alex Kingston sexing up Matt Smith and there are tiny people and River's at a university and River's regenerating and Hitler's there and some other stuff happens and all the while there's LOL ALEX KINGSTON'S BUM IS TO DIE FOR AND NAZI IDEOLOGY IS OH SO HILARIOUS AND FLASHBAAACCKKKSSS and Rose and Donna and Martha turn up k00l and honestly Moffat, what the everloving fuck? Choose a fucking plot and stick with it and write that one plot well instead of writing 20-odd desperately shoddy ones. You are capable of such beautiful and funny writing. The start of The Eleventh Hour? My 15 favourite minutes of DW ever. (And I love that plot so much I spent 12,000 words and uncountable hours re-creating it for John and Sherlock). Amy's relationship with The Doctor? Lovely. The whole 'daft old man' speech? I wept buckets. A Study in Pink? Incredible. Most of your stuff for RTD/Ten's run? Brilliant. SERIOUSLY WHY WAS THIS SUCH TRIPE?
Right, I've wasted about 40 minutes of my life, but hopefully it'll stop bothering me now. SO EXCITED for Gatiss's episode next week. It looks fantastically creepy.
Alright, that's an exaggeration, but Christ Moffat, you fucked up.
First off, let me say that the cast clearly did the best they could with an exceptionally poor script. None of last night's trainwreck was their fault.
Various problematic elements of last night's script:
1. 'Is it just me, or did a ten-year-old write this?' - my dad about twenty minutes in. The episode was peppered with ridiculous bits of dialogue; I actually cringed at 'Doctor very lost, Doctor very confused' or however else it was worded. River's catchphrases felt completely forced. Everything Mels said and how she said it gave me second-hand embarrassment. Just. God. No.
2. Steven Moffat and his casual misogyny: 'I'm trying to focus on a dress size!' My eyebrows disappeared into my fringe. River checking out her arse. River running off to find some scales. River going 'clothes shopping' as a matter of great urgency. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK MOFFAT I AM SICK OF YOUR MISOGYNIST BULLSHIT FUCKING STOP IT AND SUE VERTUE PLEASE HAVE A STERN WORD. Seriously, if I have to deal with this crap in Scandal, I'm going to throw things.
3. How do you solve a problem like Mels? - Let it be said that I despise characters like this. ~*LolLOL I iz SuCh a trubbLEMaker I stEAL busesz aNd WanNa Kill HiTlerRZ LoLlLlLzzzz*~ Everything about her was forced and awkward and underdeveloped and she was so two-dimensional. And she was one of those awful 'feisty' 'badgirl' characters and I honestly started to not give a toss about her within a minute of her being onscreen.
4. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT HAPPENED AGES AGO LOL LOL LOOK IT'S FUNNY HAHAHA LOL: The historian part of me (and that is a big part of me) fumed at the setting of Nazi Germany. I love a bit of historical DW, I really do, but there was no need for this episode to be set in Nazi Germany, other than as a marketing ploy and for some LOLOLSOHILARIOUS gags (I am looking at you, gay gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled.) Oh, and of course, getting River to sex up an SS uniform. Totally appropriate and historically sensitive, Moffat, well done! You dick. It was all just so unnecessary and quite offensive in its treatment of the period that I'm still feeling uptight about it, 24 hours on.
5. Holy riculous amount of plotlines, Batman! - The Doctor's dying oh noes and they're looking for the baby and they can't find the baby and SURPRISE YR BABY'S YR BEST FRIEND and River's evil and Hitler's there and here's a bit of Alex Kingston sexing up Matt Smith and there are tiny people and River's at a university and River's regenerating and Hitler's there and some other stuff happens and all the while there's LOL ALEX KINGSTON'S BUM IS TO DIE FOR AND NAZI IDEOLOGY IS OH SO HILARIOUS AND FLASHBAAACCKKKSSS and Rose and Donna and Martha turn up k00l and honestly Moffat, what the everloving fuck? Choose a fucking plot and stick with it and write that one plot well instead of writing 20-odd desperately shoddy ones. You are capable of such beautiful and funny writing. The start of The Eleventh Hour? My 15 favourite minutes of DW ever. (And I love that plot so much I spent 12,000 words and uncountable hours re-creating it for John and Sherlock). Amy's relationship with The Doctor? Lovely. The whole 'daft old man' speech? I wept buckets. A Study in Pink? Incredible. Most of your stuff for RTD/Ten's run? Brilliant. SERIOUSLY WHY WAS THIS SUCH TRIPE?
Right, I've wasted about 40 minutes of my life, but hopefully it'll stop bothering me now. SO EXCITED for Gatiss's episode next week. It looks fantastically creepy.