(no subject)
Sometimes I can’t help being sad. I think about what is in store for me next year and I wonder what I have to look forward to. I have good girlfriends and what not, but sometimes... Who is going to hold my hand? Who is going to make me laugh? Who is going to go to concerts with me? Who is going to love me?...
Summer just started and already I dread its end with an intensity I am unfamiliar with. I always thought I was the one who would make it out alive. I thought I was the strong one who had disconnected herself just enough to shield the blow. I was wrong. I am going to be one of those girls I mocked for being ‘heart broken.’ Every time I have to say goodbye, whether it be for an hour or a week, I want to cry. Every time we part ways I realize its one less time I get to see him before it all ends.
Please don’t get me wrong, my life does not revolve entirely around one person, it’s just that they have become such a strong hold in my life. My best friend, my boyfriend, the one who listens, the one who talks, the lover, the fighter, the one who cherishes me.
Even if we do try to make things work, it will never be the same. A person’s character is truly shown through the little things they do: A glance, a kiss on the cheek, a squeeze of an arm, an understanding hug. How can I live with just those things on Christmas break? How can I wait virtually 4 months to be held? How can I do that to him? Who am I to hold him back from all he should be feeling and seeing and experiencing?
The only thing I can do is fully experience these last months we will really have together. And then I see… Next summer will be a flood of the same feelings as my other best friend leaves for school… only that time, I will be on my way out as well.