At an arm's length
"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me." Never has this ever rung as true. I have fully begun to understand that life is confusing, complicated, and all around strange. Things never go the way you plan. Nothing is ever 100% guaranteed. And how you feel one day can complete change by the next. I can sit back, wish, hope, and pray that things will work out exactly how I want them to. Change is never a thing to be favored. People hate it. I hate it. If only there was a way to go back in time and just fix everything how you exactly want or need it to be. Need is more like it, or is it want?? I don't know. All I know is things are going how I want them to and I have this feeling of needing everything to work out exactly how I want them to go. I know this is impossible. You can only do so much. You can do what you need on your part, but if it involves another person forget it. You can't make someone love you or even want you for that matter. How do you move on from this life shattering realization?? I'm not sure but I keep going trying to figure it all out. Maybe I just need space. Getting out of this rut I have created for myself. What I dont understand is how you can totally love someone and still never get exactly what you want and need out of it. You can't let go because of that love but you really don't think you should stay anymore because of what it lacks. Maybe I have created an idea of how love should be that doesn't exist at all and I need to just suck it up and realize that this is it. This is how it goes. But I can't believe that...its too depressing. There's gotta be more. I just wish it was with you...