Kids in America
Yeah I just finished watching the movie called Kids in America. It’s about a diverse group of High school students who band together to as the tag line says "Peacefully stick it to their overbearing principal." I can't help but ask one question after I have been inspired by this movie. What is passion? Watching this group of kids who were inspired to stand up in creating a better place I wonder, what the hell happened to me? I haven't found anything that has caused me to get up and fight in the ways that I always dreamed I would. I haven't found my cause and fought till I won in anything. I seem to be content with giving up and walking away then standing and making a difference. I notice it's not just me. There are lots of kids out there in the same place. We want to help a make a difference but we have lost our ability to believe in anything. We let injustice run rampant because we would rather trade apathy for feelings. This past month I have felt numbness all through my body. It has been eating me up inside. I have found nothing that could let me feel pleasure or pain. I miss her so but I didn't fight for her. I let her walk away because I don't know how to fight anymore. I lost the passion that I once had. My cause has died and I am walking alone. I am impassionedly passionate. This is a sad state of affairs for me. I don't want to let life lead me, I want to lead it. Where were the teachers who taught us to really believe? Where are the professors, who made us see the truth in our lives? Where did all the mentors go who held the flicker of passion in their hands waiting for us to take it and be set ablaze? I want to feel again. I want to stand and fight. I want to move because I believe in the movement. I want to be passionate. I dropped out of the Wesleyan church and I am no longer in the ordination process. I have no rules or covenants binding me any longer to that denomination. And I feel empty, because they couldn't show me how to be passionate. I feel empty because for four years that was the plan. And now I sit here in front of my computer typing out this entry feeling empty and numb wondering when God will show me someone who believes passionately enough to ignite me.