Interesting...
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Allison, woke up in a swamp. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling barely pleased, Allison poked a potato, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, she realized that her beloved Super-Ultra-Mega Bra was missing! Immediately she called her favorite rape victim, Red Herring. Allison had known Red Herring for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were curious ones. Red Herring was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... abrasive. Allison called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Red Herring picked up to a very glad Allison. Red Herring calmly assured her that most Indonesian devil cats turn red before mating, yet legless puppies usually surreptitiously yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Allison. Why was Red Herring trying to distract Allison? Because he had snuck out from Allison's with the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra only four days prior. It was a electric little Super-Ultra-Mega Bra... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Allison got back to the subject at hand: her Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. Red Herring cringed. Reluctantly, Red Herring invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. Allison grabbed her refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Red Herring realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Allison took the amphibious vehicle, he had take at least eight minutes before Allison would get there. But if she took the POS Honda? Then Red Herring would be ridiculously screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Red Herring was interrupted by three clueless lemmings that were lured by his Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. Red Herring shuddered; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he deftly reached for his banana and thoughtfully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the POS Honda rolling up. It was Allison.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so she knew she was running late. With a skillful leap, Allison was out of the POS Honda and went sassily jaunting toward Red Herring's front door. Meanwhile inside, Red Herring was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Red Herring was stunned but at least the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Red Herring earnestly purred. With a apt push, Allison opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted beer-sloshed tool in a neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Red Herring assured her. Allison took a seat excruciatingly close to where Red Herring had hidden the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. Red Herring shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Allison was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Red Herring noticed a oafish look on Allison's face. Allison slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Red Herring felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Allison asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Allison's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Allison nodded with fake acknowledgment...then, before Red Herring could react, Allison skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Super-Ultra-Mega Bra was plainly in view.
Allison stared at Red Herring for what what must've been seven microseconds. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Red Herring groped flamboyantly in Allison's direction, clearly desperate. Allison grabbed the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra and bolted for the door. It was locked. Red Herring let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Allison,' he rebuked. Red Herring always had been a little stupid, so Allison knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Red Herring did something crazy, like... start chucking potatoes at her or something. Ever so extemperaneously, she gripped her Super-Ultra-Mega Bra tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Red Herring looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Allison. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Allison. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Red Herring walked over to the window and looked down. Allison was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Allison was struggling to make her way through the fantastic pumpkin patch behind Red Herring's place. Allison had severely hurt her taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral lemmings suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. One by one they latched on to Allison. Already weakened from her injury, Allison yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of lemmings running off with her Super-Ultra-Mega Bra.
But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Allison's Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. Feeling concerned, God smote the lemmings for their injustice. Then He got in His tricked out go kart and zipped away with the fortitude of 1.2 billion Indonesian devil cats running from a teensy pack of albino cats. Allison stumbled with joy when she saw this. Her Super-Ultra-Mega Bra was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in five minutes her favorite TV show, The Simple Life, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet rusty razor blade'). Allison was contented. And so, everyone except Red Herring and a few gun-toting South American hissing sloths lived blissfully happy, forever after.
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.
http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/
Red Herring picked up to a very glad Allison. Red Herring calmly assured her that most Indonesian devil cats turn red before mating, yet legless puppies usually surreptitiously yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Allison. Why was Red Herring trying to distract Allison? Because he had snuck out from Allison's with the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra only four days prior. It was a electric little Super-Ultra-Mega Bra... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Allison got back to the subject at hand: her Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. Red Herring cringed. Reluctantly, Red Herring invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. Allison grabbed her refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Red Herring realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Allison took the amphibious vehicle, he had take at least eight minutes before Allison would get there. But if she took the POS Honda? Then Red Herring would be ridiculously screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Red Herring was interrupted by three clueless lemmings that were lured by his Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. Red Herring shuddered; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he deftly reached for his banana and thoughtfully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the POS Honda rolling up. It was Allison.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so she knew she was running late. With a skillful leap, Allison was out of the POS Honda and went sassily jaunting toward Red Herring's front door. Meanwhile inside, Red Herring was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Red Herring was stunned but at least the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Red Herring earnestly purred. With a apt push, Allison opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted beer-sloshed tool in a neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Red Herring assured her. Allison took a seat excruciatingly close to where Red Herring had hidden the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. Red Herring shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Allison was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Red Herring noticed a oafish look on Allison's face. Allison slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Red Herring felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Allison asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Allison's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Allison nodded with fake acknowledgment...then, before Red Herring could react, Allison skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Super-Ultra-Mega Bra was plainly in view.
Allison stared at Red Herring for what what must've been seven microseconds. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Red Herring groped flamboyantly in Allison's direction, clearly desperate. Allison grabbed the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra and bolted for the door. It was locked. Red Herring let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Allison,' he rebuked. Red Herring always had been a little stupid, so Allison knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Red Herring did something crazy, like... start chucking potatoes at her or something. Ever so extemperaneously, she gripped her Super-Ultra-Mega Bra tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Red Herring looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Allison. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Allison. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Red Herring walked over to the window and looked down. Allison was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Allison was struggling to make her way through the fantastic pumpkin patch behind Red Herring's place. Allison had severely hurt her taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral lemmings suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. One by one they latched on to Allison. Already weakened from her injury, Allison yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of lemmings running off with her Super-Ultra-Mega Bra.
But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Allison's Super-Ultra-Mega Bra. Feeling concerned, God smote the lemmings for their injustice. Then He got in His tricked out go kart and zipped away with the fortitude of 1.2 billion Indonesian devil cats running from a teensy pack of albino cats. Allison stumbled with joy when she saw this. Her Super-Ultra-Mega Bra was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in five minutes her favorite TV show, The Simple Life, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet rusty razor blade'). Allison was contented. And so, everyone except Red Herring and a few gun-toting South American hissing sloths lived blissfully happy, forever after.
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.
http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/