Once Again

[losthenfound]

So here I am again, tossed into another nerveous situation involving a guy. We're not dating, we don't have a relationship, and we've never kissed..but I see it. I see it forming before my very eyes and it scares the shit out of me. We're friends, but I can already see the akward scenerios ahead. All I can think is "No! Stop! DO NOT start liking me like that". When I lean over to make kissy noises to the dog..I can see him out of the corner of my eye staring at me with..this look. A look I don't see often, but in the end always leaves me broken hearted and shattered. I take a sip of my drink, and he watches my lips like they're getting ready to do something dazzling. And when I fell asleep on his couch (excuse me, pretended to fall asleep) he gently ran his fingers through my hair until I would shift lightly of sniffle, and then he would snap back in his seat.

I just want to grab him by the shoulders and yell "I'm not the girl you're looking for. I'm not reliable, or comforting, or compassionate. I'm a wreck, a disaster with legs, and I need every bit of strength I have left just to make it to the next morning. TRUST ME..i'm not the girl you're looking for". I've been hurt by an endless line of abusive guys, i'm damaged goods..i'm totally okay with admitting that. I'm the homeless dog at the pound who would rather sit in the dark than be hurt again.

I sometimes feel bad for guys who invest an intrest in me. Seriously..there is a redhead with huge knockers over there..go give her the look