Happy Valentines Day
Is it really Valentines Day already? I don't like this day. All it does is remind me that i am alone and unloved at the moment by any males besides my father, and that I'll be one of those lucky few who walk around campus tomorrow not smiling from some morning-sexin. While coupled up people are having romantic dinners, I'll be neck high in a bubble bath while enjoying some cheap red wine and American Idol. Alone. Insert heavy sigh here.
At this point in my life, I am in quite the rut. The only reason I get up in the morning is to go to school for an hour, and then I come home and sit in my bedroom all day either sleeping or painting, or doing something else totally meaningless. I've also been going through alcohol lately like a normal person goes through socks, and i'm sure my liver is not happy about it. Not really a road I should be going down, but here I am without no real reason to better myself. I guess I just don't know how to deal with being sad anymore. I do things that used to make me blissfully happy, but the happy-ness-ness wears off after a while..and i'm right back where I started. Alone and miserable. I need some change, something, some excitement. You know? Something to shake things up and pull me out of this black and white phase of being annoyingly apathetic. I just need to find out what that thing is.
I'm going to make another 1:00am trip to the park to clear my mind. I brought my guitar with me last time and someone walking their dog actually stopped and listened, it was nice. I was playing "Imagine" by John Lennon. I guess I should put the vodka away before I go parading around the neighborhood in the middle of the night.
You know what the problem could be? I don't have any friends to point this stuff out to me. So by all means, scold me and tell me i'm a bad person. I think I need it. And happy Valentines to those people who actually have a reason to celebrate, you're very lucky. :)
At this point in my life, I am in quite the rut. The only reason I get up in the morning is to go to school for an hour, and then I come home and sit in my bedroom all day either sleeping or painting, or doing something else totally meaningless. I've also been going through alcohol lately like a normal person goes through socks, and i'm sure my liver is not happy about it. Not really a road I should be going down, but here I am without no real reason to better myself. I guess I just don't know how to deal with being sad anymore. I do things that used to make me blissfully happy, but the happy-ness-ness wears off after a while..and i'm right back where I started. Alone and miserable. I need some change, something, some excitement. You know? Something to shake things up and pull me out of this black and white phase of being annoyingly apathetic. I just need to find out what that thing is.
I'm going to make another 1:00am trip to the park to clear my mind. I brought my guitar with me last time and someone walking their dog actually stopped and listened, it was nice. I was playing "Imagine" by John Lennon. I guess I should put the vodka away before I go parading around the neighborhood in the middle of the night.
You know what the problem could be? I don't have any friends to point this stuff out to me. So by all means, scold me and tell me i'm a bad person. I think I need it. And happy Valentines to those people who actually have a reason to celebrate, you're very lucky. :)