Going back up the hill
(I had hoped you could see my scars in this, but unfortunately all we see is me looking doofy and a freckle that looks like I drew it on. Awesome.)
So today is January 30th, a special day for me. Five years ago today I had spinal surgery for Scoliosis, and although I didn't know it at the time, but this would be the day that would set a whole chain reaction into motion. I had my spinal surgery and while it was a success, during the difficult recovery, my best friend died to brain tumors. Shortly after that my uncle died, and then my Grandmother died. She had always taken care of me, so it was hard being alone at that point. My family life drastically changed around this time as well, and not for the better.
My surgery wasn't so bad, it was the recovery that sucked ass. My spine was at a 40 degree curve, and was twisting into my lungs. I remember sitting in the doctors office when they told me I needed the surgery or else something "very very bad" would happen, and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Everything kinda went black and white from then on. I found out I needed the surgery in Decemeber, and they said it had to be done ASAP. I put up a fight though and demanded that they push the date to January so that, in my eyes, I could have one last holiday with my family. I spent that Christmas in New York City doing everything I had ever wanted to do in my entire life.
They had to place two steel rods on my spine to correct the problem, and then had to take bone graphs from my hip to place over it. Really, it was like having a broken hip. I was miserable being stuck in bed for a month, especially while people I loved where dying around me. It was a depressing point for sure, and I went straight from being a child to an adult in a very small time frame. I definately learned how to be independent, but it was also during this time that I decided to put up a wall to the people around me. I became determined to take care of myself, and to this day I would still rather chop off a foot than have someone help me. Part of these negative mannerisms are due to me blaming myself for someones death, which I always will, no matter how many people tell me it wasn't my fault. My health also hasn't really been the same since the surgery, and I missed so much school that it contributed to my going into homeschooling. I also still have problems with my lower back from what I believe to be a shotty epidural procedure (HAH. shotty).
What I didn't know though, is that on this day five years ago my life definately changed for the better. I met alot of sick children in that hospital who had worse problems than me, so I definately learned to appreciate what I have. Last year I had to have a tumor removed from, again, my back. So as cheesy as it sounds, I like to think that I've had two second chances at life, which not alot of people get. I used to be really embarassed of all of the scars that decorate my back, but i'm not anymore. It seemed like life kept screwing me over and over again, but I learned that when life does screw you over..you just need to push that rock back up the hill.
