thirty three sentences in search of a paragraph
33. The funeral effed with our flow, so I'm not going to the Philippines, so let's hang out, again. 32. "Here, Jay, have some mango juice, this is Uncle Val's mango juice, we have to finish it because Uncle Val's no longer here." 31. The trap door on the side of Gob Bluth's coffin on that one episode of Arrested Development made me and my little brother laugh. 30. The hearseback rider this time was my Uncle Valentino, born 14 February 1933, father of two, brother to my father, constant wearer of cowboy hats, one of which now rested on his stomach as friends and relatives took turns kneeling in front of his coffin. 29. "Ah'm fine," I said, hugging my cousin Tony, "ah'm ready to bear some pall." 28. Which made him laugh, which was the only point. 27. "So who here cried at the funeral?" I asked my brothers and my sister-in-law, over hamburgers at Hamburger Hamlet. 26. "This is French onion soup, good for mourning, good for colds, have some," said my pops, serving breakfast. 25. My little brother and I finished watching th second season on DVD and greatly anticipate tonight's one-hour episode. 24. Good for morning, he meant, I realized, a minute later. 23. I even listened to all the cast commentary, and watched the blooper reel. 22. "I'm going to go bin Laden on this burger." 21. Our favourite sport is waiting until one of us is taking a sip of his drink, and then saying something hilarious. 20. "And ah'll form ... THE HEAD!" works pretty well, depending on context. 19. Stefan's impromptu eulogy: "He was annoying to most people, but that is because they didn't take the time to know him." 18. It was so fitting, really, these words for this man, specifically, but also for anyone's annoying uncle, for all annoying uncles of the future. 17. And some nights I was chained to my computer, replying, stirring up talk, replying some more, declaring loneliness dead. 16. Naturally, my nephew Arturo, 4, did not cry whatsoever. 15. And one night I made out on Mister Eden's sofa with Mister Eden's mistress--not his wife but his mistress--who, to my knowledge, does not exist--but who, in spite of this, looks exactly like Ione Skye circa 2005. 14. This week's superhero is Spider-Man, naturally, who took moping about death
to a level not seen before in the annals of superheroes: the next level. 13. There's my uncle's son Philip, whom I've known since birth, whom I've never seen cry before, making promises to his own son Arturo, that they will never grow apart, and crying. 12. There I am. 11. There you are. 10. There. 09. It's easier to do it in public, sometimes. 08. "And I'm a bit angry at you, for not staying to see your granddaughter." 07. It helps to come back to Earth, think about
stuff, material possessions, the rock. 06. "Just in case something happens, your Dad and I want to be cremated, just so you know, OK." 05. "OK." 04. Women were not put on Earth to please me, but if I might pretend for just a minute:
put some stomach on that, please. 03. The rock, because it grounds us. 02. "Dad, I hope there's a Kmart where you are." 01. And I hope there's a library, where you are.
to a level not seen before in the annals of superheroes: the next level. 13. There's my uncle's son Philip, whom I've known since birth, whom I've never seen cry before, making promises to his own son Arturo, that they will never grow apart, and crying. 12. There I am. 11. There you are. 10. There. 09. It's easier to do it in public, sometimes. 08. "And I'm a bit angry at you, for not staying to see your granddaughter." 07. It helps to come back to Earth, think about
stuff, material possessions, the rock. 06. "Just in case something happens, your Dad and I want to be cremated, just so you know, OK." 05. "OK." 04. Women were not put on Earth to please me, but if I might pretend for just a minute:
put some stomach on that, please. 03. The rock, because it grounds us. 02. "Dad, I hope there's a Kmart where you are." 01. And I hope there's a library, where you are.