(no subject)
Welllllll, I didn't make it thru the whole nite, last night, without telling her how great I thought she looked in the pictures. I am weak. So weak. But enough of that :-p ...
Today was the first day of tennis, and it wasn't a great time to already be low on confidence :-/ ... Once again, I feel very low down in the order. 2 seniors graduated last year, so that leaves 2 spots. So I have to prove myself better than everyone else, and hope that I'm not judged based on last year. I think I'm a good tennis player, plus I'm in shape and I think I compete really well. But if the coaches remember last year's tryouts, then they might think I'm that same person again and not even give me the chance. I was in a completely fragile state of mind last time. Like I would be on the court in the middle of a game trying to prove I was good enough to make the team, then all of a sudden, without warning, tears would be welling up in my eyes. And my game would be shot after that. Not only because of the tears, but because of the embarassment that the tears caused, and then the paranoia that the embarassment caused and then the obsessive compulsive thoughts that the nerves and paranoia caused and the cycle continued. Despite all that, I still played well, and I beat alot of players already on the team and in practice matches against other schools. I even almost beat another school's amazon GIANT!! LOL ... She was like 6'4" tall and when I stood up to her, I was eye level with a set of very large boobs, which in another time and place might have been nice *wink*, but she was intimidating. hehe... I'm kinda thin and small to begin with, but next to her, I looked like a ten year old!! So I almost beat her, but she was their #2 player and she was good. Anyway, I was suprised I didn't make it, but after I thought about it, I'm sure the coaches were afraid to have a basket case on their hands and everyone knows about my OCD and how at the time it practically crippled me on some bad days :-/ ...
It wouldn't be the end of the world to not make it this year. I can tell my heart's not really in it too much. I play soccer too, I enjoy it more, and I'm on the team already and should be on varsity this spring since I finished last year that way. So I'm not going to stress over it too much, and I think that's a good way to be. :-D...
Today was the first day of tennis, and it wasn't a great time to already be low on confidence :-/ ... Once again, I feel very low down in the order. 2 seniors graduated last year, so that leaves 2 spots. So I have to prove myself better than everyone else, and hope that I'm not judged based on last year. I think I'm a good tennis player, plus I'm in shape and I think I compete really well. But if the coaches remember last year's tryouts, then they might think I'm that same person again and not even give me the chance. I was in a completely fragile state of mind last time. Like I would be on the court in the middle of a game trying to prove I was good enough to make the team, then all of a sudden, without warning, tears would be welling up in my eyes. And my game would be shot after that. Not only because of the tears, but because of the embarassment that the tears caused, and then the paranoia that the embarassment caused and then the obsessive compulsive thoughts that the nerves and paranoia caused and the cycle continued. Despite all that, I still played well, and I beat alot of players already on the team and in practice matches against other schools. I even almost beat another school's amazon GIANT!! LOL ... She was like 6'4" tall and when I stood up to her, I was eye level with a set of very large boobs, which in another time and place might have been nice *wink*, but she was intimidating. hehe... I'm kinda thin and small to begin with, but next to her, I looked like a ten year old!! So I almost beat her, but she was their #2 player and she was good. Anyway, I was suprised I didn't make it, but after I thought about it, I'm sure the coaches were afraid to have a basket case on their hands and everyone knows about my OCD and how at the time it practically crippled me on some bad days :-/ ...
It wouldn't be the end of the world to not make it this year. I can tell my heart's not really in it too much. I play soccer too, I enjoy it more, and I'm on the team already and should be on varsity this spring since I finished last year that way. So I'm not going to stress over it too much, and I think that's a good way to be. :-D...