Major Setback...

[lostchildzero]

*sigh* Evann showed me lots of pictures of her tonight, and looking at them was excruciating :-/ ... to be exact, it's kinda going on right now... and I really don't know how to handle it... cuz she looks so pretty... no... beautiful... no... sexy.... no... stunning... no... perfect... no... angelic... ughhhhh.... take your pick, she's all those things... and everything I ever felt for her just comes FLOODING back... and the urge to just tell her all my thoughts is extremely large right now... but I know that wouldn't be a good thing... cuz as good as that would make me feel in the here and now, I'd feel humiliated and embarassed for being so easy to give in to that urge, and I'd end up crying myself to sleep again... yet again... and I guess I'll just say everything to myself here...

Evann, I think you are xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I xxxx you....

...Never for her to ever know... And I swallow all my words and feelings down again... it tastes awful going down, so awful I want to cry...
I felt strong yesterday...
Evann asked me about Carrie tonight... asked if I was 'with' her now... it made me feel almost like she wanted to tell me she didn't want it to happen...
But right this minute she's telling me that she's going to stop talking to me altogether. so I'm done writing for now. I'm so F'd up...